What have I been up to these last couple of weeks?

Still working on the novel….I seem to be working and re-working Chapter 7. Some days I only managed 300 words. It will have to do for now. It’s reading a bit stiff and clunky and I’m having a hard time moving forward until this chapter has been smoothed out. I’m not looking for perfect; the chapter just needs to work in the context of the bigger picture. The chapter is about 2,100 words long but it needs something more but I haven’t quite figured out what yet. Ergh! Anyway still focusing time and energy into it. That’s what counts.

Tonight, I bring in Chapter 4 and 5 to my writing group. Hopefully their feedback will help fuel the work on Ch 7.

Kitty sitting in the city…I’ve been in Chelsea the past couple of days kitty sitting Otis and Tessa. Otis is very demanding about food and attention in equal measures. Tessa is a shy Calico who tends to stay near the corners of the room, or hides in closets, when I’m around. She’s having a hard time warming up to me. Poor thing.

Christmas shopping…I have managed to get my family some gifts while staying in Chelsea. The shops are close by and when I get tired of the holiday crowds, I retreat to a quiet apartment.

My brain is full. I had a strange dream that Noomi Noren was sitting on the stoop to my parent’s house dressed like the character of Lisabeth Salander from the Millenium trilogy wanting to talk to me about my latest project. Not the novel but the film version of the novel. I kept telling her the screenplay wasn’t finished yet and that Michelle Rodriguez had first dibs on the lead role since the protagonist is a Latina. She told me very intently that she was part Spanish and that she liked the twists and turns of this movie. I woke up...1) thinking what twists and turns? and 2) feeling the pressure of needing to finish the novel. Hehehe!

I really have a hard time letting up on the pressure I put on myself. The problem then becomes that I don’t have enough head space to work out the problems/obstacles/issues with the novel ‘cause apparently the screenplay needs to be written too. Bah-Humbug!


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Chapter 7

I had a couple of hours to work on Chapter 7 today.  I went through a third of the chapter (~1,100 words)...but things are going slower.  Ergh!  There's 1,700 more words (still waiting) that need work.  It's interesting to read this material again after so long of a separation and trying to remember what my initial intention was for that particular chapter.  Things have changed in the story along the way and it's trying to navigate this old material and revamp with the new information so that it's coherent. But I'm plugging away. 

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Close Up Space

Last night, I went to see Close Up Space by Molly Smith Metzler currently in previews at the Manhattan Theater Club. I haven’t stopped thinking about the craft of the play. The story has SO much potential but I don’t think it’s quite fully realized. It had some interesting and beautiful elements to it, like the way Harper (the daughter) uses the Russian language and poetry as a way of communication with her father Paul. And the great chasm between them created by Harper’s mother’s death. Rich, interesting back story.

Instead, this piece gets mired with weird office antics. There are several characters that could well be cut out and never missed, i.e. the intern. The office manager is there for comic relief but winds up coming off like a Zach Galifianakis wanna-be character.

No disrespect to Rosie Perez but she was completely miscast as the superstar writer, Vanessa Finn Adams. She shrieked through her scenes and she had trouble enunciating words that were supposed to give her an air of intellect and sophistication. Her final exit was a Shakespeare piece but I couldn’t tell you which one it was because I could barely understand her. Metzler was starting to use the character of Vanessa Finn Adams as Paul’s confidant but I think Metzler could have gone further with that relationship, shy of a consummated sexual relationship. That way when Vanessa finally leaves it’s not just a professional blow but a personal one too as another relationship slips through Paul’s fingers.

Okay, the best moments are David Hyde Pierce as Paul sitting in a tent dictating a letter to his daughter. It was painful and beautiful to witness. The other moment was Paul’s confrontation with Harper as she tried desperately to communicate with her emotionally distant father. They were by far the two strongest scenes.

Last but not least, big shout out to Todd Rosenthal for his set design. It was absolutely perfect. He worked some serious magic on this set.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Healthy Chapter 6

I worked on editing chapter 6 for the better part of the day. It was tough. It’s so much easier to line edit someone else’s work because I can be ruthless. I don’t quite have the same teeth for my own work. However, I managed to clean it up into fairly decent shape. It’s 2,800 words long. Also managed to start on Chapter 7. Worked on the first two paragraphs and then my brain turned off. I thought that was a clear sign for me to stop for the day.

My treat for all the good work is a theater show tonight. I’m going to see Close Up Space. Yay!
All for now, I know this is a short one but I’m fried.

Peace,

L~
All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

What's Up?

I am plugging along on the novel. Took me awhile to get back on track but the last two days I’ve written up 3,600 more words. It’s cool…progress…finally! I’m not sure what happened. One day I was hemming and hawing about what to do next with the story… the next thing I know…I revamped 3 whole chapters in a matter of days (Chapters 3, 4, and 5 are mostly done…5 may need more but will decide better tomorrow) with the 6th chapter (1,500 words) waiting for a serious line edit. Yes!

I had given myself a year-end deadline with this novel and now that I have the last three and a half weeks breathing down my neck…it kick started me to plow through and get this rough draft turned over into a decent manuscript.

Also, I’ve been reading Margaret Atwood’s: In Other Worlds: SF and the Human Imagination and her take on the genre. It’s providing fuel for me to finish this story. I’ve only read the first couple of chapters but I’m fascinated with the way she engages with this particular genre. Her words have motivated me to finish my own story because at the end of the day, I want to see how this book ends. It has changed so much from its initial inception that I want to see what this story will eventually become.

 

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

A Tasty Morsel

I wanted to share the following exciting news:

You can now download a digital copy of my book of poetry onto your Nook via Barnes and Noble:

A Scorched Page

It didn’t include page count but it’s roughly 65 pages long.
Pass the word along.
Peace,

Lily~
 
 
All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Ketch-up Entry

I’ve got some things rattling up inside my brain skull. Too much really and I keep taking my sweet time with writing blog entries so I am way behind here, bear with me. Been busy living life, I guess.

Nov 19- Went to see Ani DiFranco perform in Town Hall. Had a great time and I’m a bit peeved that my little cheap camera phone took crap pics. As in, unable to see anything really. So no uploadable shots. Security guards were also being annoying with people taking pics and kept removing people. *rolling my eyes* I will say that Ani D. was in rare form that night on her guitar. Every time I listen to her play, I want to pick up a guitar and learn how to play (just like her). Oh and who opened for her but none other than Melissa Ferrick...sweet Jesus can she rock! And it doesn’t hurt that she’s really hot in her tall gangly way. Ferrick just came out with her new album: She’s Still Right Here  It was a fantastic show.

Anyway, as I was walking to the train, I overheard some VERY young women talking about how disappointed they were that Ani D. didn’t sing more of her old material. But I totally get it. As a creative person, you move forward and showcase your newest material. Not to discredit the old material but a person has lived some life, gained new experiences, has created all this new work to showcase and that old material is done and over with. I really liked hearing her new material and she’s gone back to her home grown roots of political songs. Check out her new album: Which Side Are You On

Over Thanksgiving weekend-Went to see a couple of movies:
Melancholia by Lars Von Trier is gorgeous . It unfolds very slowly...so slowly in fact that there were several theatergoers near me leave the screening halfway through it. But when the movie hit the halfway point it seemed to blossom and pick up speed. After all, it’s about the end of the world and the way two sisters (Justine and Claire) fragmented by the impending doom come to grips with it in their own ways. The cinematography is phenomenal. The dialogue sparse. The emotional content wavering along tense and taut, on the brink of shattering. It’s stark. But the movie has stayed with me for days on end afterwards. I love when movies affect me that way.

The Dangerous Method written by Christopher Hampton, filmed by David Cronenberg is about the relationship between Carl Jung, Sabina Spielrein and Sigmund Freud (drawn from true events). Keira Knightly is raw and delish to watch playing fragile intellectual Sabina. Knightly is raw and painfully exposed in this role. Viggo Mortensen, as Freud, seemed a bit out of his depth at first but as the movie progressed, the ambition of the man seemed to take on a more “dangerous” quality, Mortensen crackled electric when that element came through. Michael Fassbender as Jung was restrained and subdued but when his own desires began to diverge from the “norm” he came alive. Both the internal struggle (personal desires) and the external power struggle with Freud made Fassbender’s performance layered and piercing.

Icarus Magazine I continue to be involved with Icarus Magazine in my capacity as reader. Always looking for that stand out story in a pile of submissions. If you’d like to submit your work to this magazine, please check out their guidelines at http://lethepressbooks.com/guidelines.htm#About_contributions_for_Icarus. Literary magazine guidelines are different from Lethe Press Books so please read carefully. Hey! I just realized my name’s not up on their website...I’ll have to go bug them about that too. Just add it on to my perpetual to-do list that seems to be growing by the minute.
 
Enjoy for now and I'll have more for you shortly.
 
Peace,
 
L~
 
All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

I’ve spent the better part of the day working on one component to a grant application. I’m bleary eyed and bored of it. How does one come up with a narrative bio that doesn’t bore the reader to tears? Ergh! I wrote one up but it doesn’t seem quite right yet. It just feels like something is missing. I have time before the deadline but I was hoping to send it in this weekend. So I can move onto the next application for a playwriting contest. *yawn* I’ve bored myself with my own writing, never a good sign. Hehehe

It’s a grey rainy day in New York Sitty and I’m cold and achy despite the many cups of tea I’ve had so far. I’m listening to Bon Jovi’s, Living on a Prayer. Great rock song!! Wish I could belt along with it but I think my co-workers would not appreciate my off-key version.

I wanted to share this Broadway tidbit: Seminar written by Theresa Rebeck. A comedy about four young writers and their private instructor played by Alan Rickman. I laughed so hard, I was crying. I went to see it last Saturday while it was still in previews. Rebeck captures the stereotypical young writers so well and is so on point that I could hardly breathe. Rickman is stellar as a jaded writer, I’ve always been a big fan and his cast mates really played well against him. Hamish Linklater really captured the tortured writer. I think the only character that fell flat for me was Izzy. The actress, Hettienne Park, did well with the material that she had but I wanted the character to have a bit more dimension. Other than that, it was an amazing show and I’m glad I went. Also, it gives me hope knowing a woman wrote this piece…hoorah! A woman playwright can be produced on Broadway. Halleluiah!!

Okay, that’s all I’ve got for today!

Rock on people, rock on!!



L~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Cassidy’s Back!

I went to hear Cassidy (former lead singer of Antigone Rising) last night at HousingWorks. She was in rare form as she belted and rocked her way through a set. She may as well have floated up to the rafters, she was on fire last night. Her current singing project goes by the name of Boheme. (Apparently, there is a rapper out there in the music world by the same name as Cassidy). Do I love the new name? Not really. But who cares about that, Cassidy’s growled through the music but when it slowed down to ballads, her voice was crystal clear and she sounded fantastic. I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed her until I heard her again. She is by far one of my most favorite singers. And last night Cassidy sang “Broken” and I was overcome with big soppy tears. It was amazing!! Unfortunately, I didn’t take any pics…otherwise I would have uploaded them here. However, she has a few songs online from her new album that folks can check out.
On fuze music: http://fuse.tv/music/free-music.html?artist_id=605
or here on her website: http://bohemeartist.com/

Rock on people…rock on!!

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Like Crazy...opening on Friday in NYC

I don't know if I've written about this film but....if you are a hopeful/hopeless romantic this is the movie to go see...Like Crazy is simply amazing.  I saw this movie at an early screening last month and it left me buzzing days after. Go to their official site: http://www.likecrazy.com/ 

What gets me excited about this type of movie is that the writers (Drake Doremus and Ben York Jones) didn't write a standard screenplay.  They wrote a treatment. They moved through a real collabrative effort with the actors to get the scenes they depicted.  With only an objective in mind, the actors really got a chance to shine in this beautiful film, directed by Drake Doremous.  Anton Yelchin as Jacob and Felicity Jones as Anna were able to bring a vulnerability to the piece that breaks your heart wide open.  God, when was the last time a movie did that? 

This tiny trailer barely does the movie justice.  The emotional content is so raw, it made my teeth hurt.  You've gotta check it out.  L~










All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

It's been a while...

Morning,
It’s been awhile since I last wrote on my blog. Since I’m no longer complaining on this site, let’s just say that I’ve been going through a difficult time of late. The creative process is at a stand still. My pages have been curling up on my writing desk at home. Between you and me, I think my cat Pandora is using the stack as a place to lie on and rub her chin against it.

Recently, I had a reading and I opted to read an excerpt of the first chapter of this novel. It went over really well and I thought that positive feedback would give me the necessary push to get me going again. *crooked mouth * Not quite. There is just a lull in the creative process for me.

Right now, there seems to be three disparate pieces to this stories and I don’t quite know how they fit together and quite frankly, if they fit together. The other problem is that my main character and her nemesis sound too similar. So I have to revise to create very distinct personalities...how? Not really sure how to proceed. I keep circling the story in my mind, trying to figure it out.

Yesterday, I finally printed out all the pages that I have. I was skimming through some of it and there are pages that I don’t even remember writing. It was a strange feeling to feel so far away from the story.

My objective for the next few days is to reacquaint myself with the overall arc of the novel. Drill through the first three chapters with necessary edits in order for the logic to follow through. That’s all I’m doing. If that kick starts me to keep going then that’s gravy.

If I get stuck and/or frustrated, I am going to go to the gym for a swim. I’ve had a free-week pass to a local gym for a couple of months and I have yet to use it. Anyway, swimming is my backup plan. Just to move and get me out of my head. I blew out my knee (dislocated my patella) a couple of months ago and have been trying to sort that out as well. Swimming is one of the few things that make sense. The prospect of anything else makes my knees tremble (and not in delight).

I will post an update in the next couple of days. Peace, L~

There are a few things I want to share...so stay tuned. 


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Another Earth

After my rant the other day about Siffy (Syfy) canceling yet another decent sci-fi show, I went out and caught this amazing intimate, indie, Sci-Fi film called Another Earth.  This movie blew me away!! Directed and co-written by Mark Cahill, it’s a smart, moving movie for an intelligent audience. I had goose bumps from the impact of the final scene.  I won’t spoil it for anyone, it’s a must-see. Brit Marling (co-writer, co-producer and lead) plays Rhoda Williams and her quiet, nuanced performance is painfully beautiful.  William Mapother plays the part of John Burroughs, a once successful composer who’s impacted by a tragic accident. Both actors are compelling to watch as broken human beings trying to regain back their lives by connecting with one another. There were several scenes were I was gripped by the raw-ness of exposed human emotions.  I sat in the theater with hand over mouth when the big revelation was slowly uncovered.  And the soundtrack is sublime.  
If you are looking for alien wars with shoot-em up with lasers then this is NOT the movie to see.  But if you are looking for a film that takes a look at the nature of our world and our humanity then this is a must-see! This film is unique and had restored my faith in the ability for quality movies to come out.  I really hope it finds an audience because this kind of work is extraordinary!!      

Check out their website:  http://www.foxsearchlight.com/anotherearth/   

Or their trailer (see below):



All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Where Have All the Decent Sci-Fi Shows Gone?

*pushing out my soapbox, testing the mic*

I just found out that Eureka Season 6 has been cancelled.  What the heck is Siffy (Syfy channel) thinking? That show has roughly 2 million viewers. AND IT STILL GETS CANCELLED!! What a huge disappointment!! 
Caprica is gone before it got a chance to take off. 
Battlestar Galatica is gone. 
Firefly is way gone.
Dollhouse is dead (I know this was network tv)
Meanwhile Warehouse 13 is still on the air.  No offense to those that love it but it's mindless fluff.

What is wrong with wanting a science fiction show with some well-developed characters, with decent storylines, with political/social commentary (Battlestar).  I am SO TIRED of meaningless reality television and the American Idol mentality.  I'd like something with a little bit of brain behind it.  Is that too much to ask for?  I know FRINGE is still on but I'm too afraid to watch it because as soon as I do, it will be pulled. 

Que Mierda!!  I quit.  Not watching anymore Syfy. Seriously!  Syfy is not interested in pandering to an audience with a brain these days. They have  WRESTLING in their scheduled line-up for crying out loud.  Unless wrestlers start putting on jet packs in their matches, IT DOESN'T COUNT as science fiction.  I'm going old school and pulling out Blade Runner or Battlestar Galactica DVDs because right now what's left is pretty pathetic.

Grrr!  Argh!!

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

I’m Back Baby!!

I have been out of sight because I didn’t have any updates. I wasn’t writing rather I was wringing my hands in abject horror because I didn’t know how to move forward. Frozen in place, I whined and whimpered to myself that it was all so very useless and that I would never write again. Ever! It was THAT melodramatic and no one was going to convince me otherwise.

Then a funny thing happened, I dislocated my patella sometime last week. I was working on my yoga poses and I pushed my body into the wrong pose. My knee tweaked and the patella shifted. Holy hell did that hurt! I popped it back into place and then lay there waiting for the pain to bloom. Sure enough it came in waves. By Monday morning I was unable to put any weight on my leg and my knee was the size of a small grapefruit.

I took a couple of Aleve, propped up my knee with all my pillows and an ice pack and stared at my ceiling feeling pretty pathetic. The pity party I threw myself was epic. Sorry you missed it.

By the end of the day, a thought occurred to me. It was a splinter of an idea regarding my novel. And it woke me up. All of a sudden the grey day that I was having had a sliver of light. Just a hint of a new possibility. Then I had a serious talk with myself.

This knee issue has been a long neglected issue. I’ve needed to have it MRI’d and X-ray’d ages ago but without proper health coverage for the past three years, I’ve let it go and let it go for far too long. This was a minor setback and it should not impede me from continuing with healthier practices, eating right, exercising and writing every day. I’ve managed to do light stretching these past couple of days (babying my knee). The inflammation is starting to subside. The pain is in the lower scale range. And I have managed to make it into my day job without too much hassle.

I have also been writing again every day too. If I can show up to my day job then I have no excuses not to spend some time working at my craft. Yesterday, I managed 500 words, the day before I managed 325 words. It’s rough but I keep reminding myself that it doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be put down on paper. That’s all I can manage right now and it’s enough. As my daily practice grows, this novel will be written and it will be finished, come hell or high water.

Oh, the other thing that occurred to me as I was staring at the ceiling is that Stephen King wrote a couple of books after his terrible accident while he was recovering. And he was much worse off than a swollen knee. So what the hairy heck was stopping me from finishing this story? What am I so worried about? If it’s not perfect, then I can revise and edit. If it’s not a great story then the next one will be better. I need to accomplish this very simple goal for my own sanity. Yes, it is that easy. It’s worked for me in the past and I just have to trust the process. I have also seen other writers who write every day make quite a bit of headway on their projects. So there it is…I’m taking up the gauntlet (braced knee and all). Let’s see what kind of damage can be done.

Peace,


L~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

No whinging allowed

I promised several months ago that I wouldn't spend all my time whinging on this blog. Which means my entries have been cut back to about one entry a week lately.  Sorry about that...I just know that if I have a forum to gripe, I'll take it.  Today, I spent some time writing so I'm feeling a bit more pulled together and can write about the creative process without too much danger of whinging. 

I’ve gotten lots of really good feedback from my writing group, from my creative partner and even a family member on this novel. I can’t explain why I’m stuck with the story. I just am. I feel a bit lost. I think I’ve been away from my project too long and now I’m trying to find my way back in again. I’ve written out a first draft of it…but now I need to flesh it out. There seems to be a lot of missing material.

I pulled out spotty Chapter 3 and tried to plug in the holes. I’m not sure I did much good with it. I’m not trying to be modest here…I don’t quite “feel it” yet. I’ll plug away at it (a little bit every day) and see if I can reconnect with the story again. *Keeping my fingers crossed hoping it happens*

I re-read the feedback that I received from an old friend, Ric. His feedback really hit some of the problem spots for me. He’s a sci-fi reader so his questions (and he asked a lot of them) opened my eyes to the gaping holes in terms of logic, sequence and point of view. Eeek *running a hand through my hair*. Do I address those holes first? Or do I keep going with the story…keeping the questions in mind? I’m over-thinking it, I know. That seems to be the repeating pattern here.

I was working on a short story as a way of taking some of the pressure off. I told Christine I was going to have a finished version of it by the end of the summer. Hmph! I would really like to finish a project soon because I’m going a bit bat-shit-crazy with unfinished projects.

Do I dare say it? I may have to resort to getting up at 5 in the morning to get my writing practice back on track. It might be the only way. Even the mention of it makes me want to sleep. I am not much of a morning person. But if I can spend two hours each morning before work, I can finish this novel by my end-of-year deadline.

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Tick, tick, tick...

Hmmm what am I in the mood to share? Let’s see I have been avoiding working on my novel most of this week. Don’t ask me why. I clearly don’t have an answer to that question. I’ve been doing mostly journal writing which amounts to about 4 pages a day. I seem to be in a negative head space these days and journal writing gives me a space to kvetch. Sometimes getting it out of my system helps to free me up. I’m not sure yet if it’s working but I’ll let you know how I’m progressing on Monday. I can’t believe we are moving into a new month on Monday…I keep hearing that tick, tick, tick of time running out.
I’ve had too much caffeine today and I can feel the buzz, buzz, buzzing of nervous energy coursing through my body.

Let’s see, I’ve also been job hunting for a full time gig, which is always interesting in this economy. I’ve been temping for the past 11 months in the same company and I’d like to do something a little more substantial. I just haven’t figured out what industry yet. My dream job would be to write for television. I have neither the connections nor the portfolio to go into a studio and compete for a post. Then I think, perhaps I can script and video my own project and put it up on public access. It always comes down to funding, funding, and more funding.

*banging head against desk*

I am at a stand still right now. Even now…I’m staring at this screen hoping an answer will come through or pop up. I know I should just work on the novel. Just keep plugging away at it. That should be my priority. But my energies are scattered. My brain is going a thousand miles a minute on job hunting, networking, creating a portfolio, tailoring resumes to key industries. Not to mention the load of laundry waiting for me when I get home tonight.

I think I’m tired. Tired of scraping the bottom of the barrel. Tired of low-level positions. Tired of this sucky recession. I know I’m not the only one and I also know that there are people worse off earning lower wages. I get that. I’m just stuck in this weird anxiety over “just-barely-scraping-by.” Four years ago I was at the top of my game working as a technical writer in the IT industry making an actual living from my strongest skill, writing. I won't even go into what today looks like because I'm afraid I will burst into flames from the frustration.  Anyway, it is what it is.  Onward.

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Pressure...

So where am I? Hmm. It’s hard to admit this but I haven’t worked on the novel. Despite some clever feedback last week and getting excited about a new way to approach the story, I just didn’t/couldn’t write. Lately, it’s difficult to face the page and work on this piece. Good friends keep giving me feedback, advice, book recommendations, blogs, writer’s resources, news sources and that is all well and good but at the end of the day I’ve just hit a roadblock. It’s disconcerting.

I feel PRESSURE!

It's all self-inflicted. Pressure to work on it and finish it in a timely manner. I’ve been working on this novel for the past 9 months. I get the irony…the story is gestating. And the pressure of not being a good enough writer to finish this project. Crazy-making I know but that is where I am with it. How do I let go enough and really believe that if this is the crappiest piece of work I’ve ever written then it’s a good learning experience? I want this story to be excellent but I’m holding on too tight to that expectation and there is no room for the story to breathe. I mean how could it? I have a strangle hold around its puny little neck wanting the words to come out faster but no space for the words to vocalize. Even as I write these words, I can feel my throat constrict and my neck muscles tighten up. Yes, it’s that visceral and physical for me.

* Deep breath *

I have to remember to breathe. I find myself hardly breathing these days. At least, I’m noticing the fact that I’m holding my breath a lot. I’ve started taking yoga classes again and good god, I am so inflexible that I feel like I’m going to pop a limb out of a socket as I try to relax into a spinal twist. Not easy for this round body of mine. Actually, I think it goes deeper than that because I’ve managed yoga classes before at this weight. I think it has more to do with how constricted my mind is. How clamped up/shut tight and unwilling to bend. Hmmm. Interesting… I think a dim light bulb went on in the back of my head somewhere.

So despite the lack of writing on the novel, I’ve started on a short story. I needed a place to write and play with language. A place to remind me that I actually “love” to write and I do. I spent the better part of the day working on it and wrote up about 2,000 words. I felt looser for having done it. My uptight neurotic self let go for an afternoon. Is it perfect? Not by a long shot but it’s a decent work in progress.

Peace,

Lily~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

I’m taking a mental break.

Tonight I am off to yoga.
Afterwards home to spend some time working on rebuilding chapter 3.

I’ve also made a decision to let go of the studio in Harlem.

As excited as I was of having a space to work on my art, it just doesn’t make economical sense to have a separate work space right now

I want to focus all of my efforts on this novel. All of my spare time needs to be about writing, writing, and re-writing so I can get it done.

I’m scaling back to make some room for this creative work.

This feels like the right decision for me right now.

If need be, I can always work on my art in the apartment. My work has started shrinking to about a 10”x10” dimension. Part of it has been practicality. Part of it has been smaller pieces have begun to pop for me. Either way, giving up the studio doesn’t mean I’ll stop painting.

One last thing I wanted to share….check out Florence + The Machine’s, Cosmic Love. Her voice is AMAZING!!  I can't stop listening to it. 

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

And another thing...

Update: So after my fiasco this morning, I came across an article by Rick Gekoski which appropriately enough made me giggle. I recognized myself in the way he struggles with his own writing. The irritability, the abstraction, the wanting to get the phrase down just right, in that moment it became aware again of the kindred spirits out there trying to get down words as fast as one can of the inward voice. And all of a sudden, the frustration I felt this morning didn’t feel so overwhelming or ridiculous. Ahhhh….I am responding to his text in brackets. If you want to read his complete article follow the link here: Writing Is Bad For You by Rick Gekoski from guardian.co.uk.

This portion is only a short excerpt.   

“…I'm certain that writing brings out the worst in me.”
[Me too!! Have you read all the whinging texts that I’ve written in the midst of trying to get my head around a project? Trust me, I still write them, I just don’t post them as frequently as I did in the past. Now they are stuck inside a journal.]

“It has become increasingly clear to me…that the more I write the worse I become. More self-absorbed, less sensitive to the needs of others, less flexible, more determined to say what I have to say, when I want and how I want, if I could only be left alone to figure it out.”
[Lately, more often than not, I just want to be left alone to work and think. I may work a day job but my brain is turning over the next scene, the next chapter, what my characters are going to do next and that’s not easy to do when the phone is ringing. No wonder I feel so out of whack when I’ve been away from the page too long. Being out in OAC taught me that I need a lot more quiet time to let the work/words flow out. And the busy-ness of living in NYC can sometimes make it that much more difficult to quiet down enough to hear what comes next. Eeek!]

“… When I am writing I wander in a fug all day, wake in the middle of the night…and stagger downstairs to record a thought or two. Leave the bed with my mind whirling with gorgeously formed sentences…By the time I get to the keyboard their perfection (as it seems to me in my drowsy creative mode) has dissipated, and though I can catch something of what seemed a sensational formulation it is already…only an imitation of the ideal. I fiddle about, rewrite and reconsider, and go back to bed an hour later thoroughly stimulated, dissatisfied, and unable to sleep. I read for another hour. The next day I complain that I am tired, and show all the signs of it: irritability, abstraction, and a tendency to fall asleep on a sofa at any time…”
[Preach on brother-man, if this ain’t the truth I don’t know what is. I think I laughed the hardest in this section because it felt like he was peeking into my life. And that funky sour mood I’m always in…oh yeah, definitely stems from some of this.]

“It is embarrassing, being thus conquered by an inward voice desperate to formulate, reconsider, construct, deconstruct, seek out the right phrase, amend it, think again. And I am only a writer of bits of non-fiction. You'd think it would be easy. Or easier, certainly, than being a novelist. I can hardly imagine what it must be like to be inhabited by many competing voices, ceaselessly reconsidering the flow of a narrative, charting the development of character, juxtaposing one thing with another. It's astonishing that novelists have any social life at all.”
[Well keep on keeping on. For all the creative writers out there…you are NOT ALONE!!]

Peace,

Lily


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

writer ripping her hair out

Dear Readers,
I’ve hit a snafu and I’m in a state of shock over my mistake. I was sending some of my newer pages to one of my writing group buddies and I thought I saved the revised version as a new document. I then proceeded to delete the rest of Chapter 3 because I thought I had the older version intact. That wasn’t the case. I deleted 10 pages of work and I had not printed any of it out. I can’t believe I made such a careless mistake. Even now, I keep staring at the list of documents hoping that it shows up. But there is only one Chapter 3 available and it only has 6 pages on it. I am gob-smacked. I can’t believe the rest of the pages are gone. And I know I don’t have a copy of it on my home computer. I’ve been working on my novel online so I haven’t had the chance to download my new pages onto my laptop. *head in hands *…okay it’s official…I’m now having a sucky day. It’s a bit gut-wrenching and although I know where the story is going…to have to recreate those pages…argh! I was going to my studio tonight to paint but going home to re-write that chapter is higher on my priority list. Wish me luck ‘cause I’m gonna need it.

Peace,

Lily~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

A little something for your viewing pleasure...

10"x10" Acrylic on Canvas (unstretched)
Untitled #2, June 2011

10"x10" Acrylic on Canvas (stretched)
Untitled #1, June 2011

As promised, I am putting up some of my art work so you can check them out.

These two pieces come from my studio time last month.  

If interested in purchasing one, please contact me.  

Enjoy!

Lily~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Hello, hello, hello...anyone out there?

I was reminded by a fan *cough, cough, stalker* that I haven’t given anyone an update in awhile. Wow, I’ve been a total slacker. Sorry folks for that.

Well during vacation I came down with an impossible chest cold which had me bed-ridden for the better part of the week. Fevers, body aches, hacking cough, you get the picture? Not a pretty sight. In the midst of this crazy cold, I made it to my studio a couple of times and managed to paint a little. I’ll post pics of some of that work shortly.

As for the novel, *ta-ta-ta-tum dramatic music comes up* I’ve managed to work through Chapter 3 (three times). To be honest, the story has been irksome lately. It keeps moving in a direction that I have no clue about. What is up with that?!! So I keep have to futz with it so it makes sense. And the new turn of events has me creeped out. Yes, as the writer elements of it creeps me out. After I wrote up this last scene, I was trembling and upset that my protagonist went through something super-violent. I keep having to remind myself to trust the process. Trust? Trust: confident expectation of something; hope. Hmmm no wonder I am stumbling…I have to be hopeful that it will all turn out okay. I’ll have to mull over that bit in my spare time while I work through another edit of chapter three.

Then last week I went back at work (day job). What can I say about it now that won’t make me sound like I’m whinging? This week is a shorter week but I feel a nervous tension coiling up in my belly these days. I think I have to start laying off the iced coffee. Too many hits of caffeine has me climbing my internal/mental walls. Ick!

So this week my goal is to make it through Chapter 3 one last time and move through Chapter 4. I think I can do another chapter, just have to put my head down and get to work. So that is what I’m trying to do…I’ll write more tomorrow to update on the progress.

Peace,


L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Looking forward to vacation

Next week, I’m taking a week off from my day job. It means more hours to dedicate to both my novel and to replenish my waning reserves. I am looking forward to spending some much needed quality time at the studio and in front of my laptop. Hopefully, I can get back on track with my self-imposed deadlines.

There is also an early screening of a little indie movie called A Better Life that I want to go check out. And a visit or two down to the shoreline…I love swimming in the ocean and I’m sure it would do me/my spirit a world of good.

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Falling off the face of the earth...

I keep falling off the face of the earth. First I’m here and then I’m not.

Still going to writing group, still writing (kind of), my inner critic is still on full blast and this Spring is being temperamental.

Appropriate enough. I’m wishing to be anywhere but here at the moment.

Alas, running away from one’s life is not really feasible these days,

especially since wherever you wind up you bring along the interior monologue.

Is there a way to cast it out, burn it down, silence it shut? Cause I could really use the respite.

Although I have the studio space, I have yet to spend time there to work.

Gotta do that but quick ‘cause I’m slowly losing my mind from sheer apathy.

That is such a thick heavy word—Apathy. It sinks the soul and wrangles one into a straightjacket.

Blocks the light, quiets the song and creates a zombie of sorts.


Will write more…when I’ve pulled my head out of the sand.

L~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Missing in Action...

I know I’ve been M.I.A. for the past week. I’ve been busy mostly with outside projects and family obligations. And this month doesn’t seem to be letting up. I’m a bit done at the moment and I’m finding it difficult to put much into words. I’ve been struggling with something.

Since my break through (with the writing) a couple of weeks ago, I’ve spent very little time working on my novel. It’s a shame really but I have a nasty habit of biting off more than I can chew by taking on other people’s pet projects in lieu of working on my own. It came to head for me on Sunday when I was taking on yet one more project and I realized that the time commitment would stretch me too thin. As I sat in on a meeting and asked for some clarifications…it became apparent that I didn’t have the inner resources to take on one more outside project.

In the past, I would have sucked it up, kept my head down and worked through despite feeling stressed out over the final product. These days, I just don’t want to give over this time so easily. How many times have I complained on this very blog about how little time I had…it just didn’t make sense to add one more thing to my plate. It was a hard decision because I had agreed to take it on. I have a hard time letting other people down. T reminded me that it’s too easy to let myself down than to let others down and that I’ve got it pretty twisted. He talked me off the ledge and once I sent the e-mail out, I went back to work on my novel.

So I’ve added another 1,000 words (approximately 6 more pages) to the paper pile. I’m pushing myself to complete this chapter before my writing group meeting on Thursday. I’ll go home tonight and work on it. Let’s see how long I last. I have the actual chapter written out but I’m working through revising to include the new technology information. Even as I write these words my eyes are closing from too many nights of tossing and turning. I’m ready to crash. Perhaps I can power nap on the train, on the way up to my apartment. Sounds like a plan.

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

"My watch is exactly two days late"

I have a bit of a crooked mouth today. It’s not a smile or a smirk. I found out earlier this week that I did not win a small grant I had applied for. It’s disappointing. I really thought I’d have a little money coming in so I can take a week off from my day job to write. What a luxury that would have been. The sarcasm runs deep. I need to shake it off and on to the next grant. I’m trying to find a steady core between money and creative work.

Anyway, neither here nor there…onto chapter 3 to work through revisions in the novel. I need to resolve the last scene with a groovy escape for my protagonist. I have an inkling of an idea but I haven’t figured out who are allies and who are enemies yet. *rolling my eyes* I just need to write the scene. New written material always comes out so much slower than revising words that are already written out. Then chapter three needs to be updated and reshaped based on the changes that I’ve made to the story and the technology. So much to do, so little time. Feel like the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland… “I’m late, I’m late” “my watch is exactly two days late,” yep that’s my normal modus operandi.

On that note…gotta get back to work.

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Despite Another Rainy Monday…

I am punch-love-drunk with blog entries today. Can’t help myself. I’ve had some really bright moments the last couple of days and I wanted to share. I’ve already written about my writing breakthrough so I won’t go into that again. But I’ve been riding the wave of those positive vibes.

Thursday night, I signed the lease to my very first art studio. It’s an itty bitty thing of 200 square feet but I am thrilled to pieces over having a place I can work creatively. A big shout out to chashama for an affordable working space. Hoorah!! I’ll be able to move all of my art equipment into the space on June 1st. Doing a little happy dance.

It’s been tough having had to pack away all my paints and canvases since leaving the OAC residency last March. And I’ve been itching to work in a medium away from language. There are ideas I’ve wanted to work through involving wire screens and canvas to create some mix media pieces. This would be a good way for me to continue doing creative work when I am stuck with the writing. It’s also a space to work on the writing, away from my apartment where I am easily get distracted with T.V., movies and even housecleaning.

I’ll need to buy two small metal lockers to store my equipment. These are open studio spaces so I would like to keep a secure storage space for paints and mediums. If anyone knows of some cheap lockers or would like to donate to the cause, I’d really appreciate it.

Peace,

L~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Hesher

Hesher The Official Website

Sunday night I went to see a dark movie called Hesher.  It blew me away and I should point out this movie is not for everyone.  It’s gritty and violent and cruel but in the midst of all that dysfunction is a beating heart of humanity.  Theses broken characters are living and fighting in the only way that they know how and creating collateral damage along the way.  But when the movie grows quiet and the characters connect, it crackles. Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Hesher is scary dangerous and brilliant but Devin Brochu as T.J. steals this movie out from under this fucked-up grown-up world. And of course, Natalie Portman is the cat’s meow in these small indie parts. Story by Brian Charles Frank, screenplay written by Spencer Susser and David Michôd, directed by Spencer Susser.  This is one of those small indie flicks that you’ve got to see if you’re looking for a film with a bit of substance. It’s definitely out there and it will push some buttons but it’s so worth it.        


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Breakthrough, YAY!

With the amount of writing suckage I was producing, I really needed a decent writing day. It was just a moment but it worked. Hoorah! I think I may even have to print this out and stick it on my wall to remind me that writing eventually happen if I keep at it. All of a sudden I saw a way out of my painted corner.

Earlier, I called Christine up from my writing group to tell her that I was probably not going to bring in any pages to the group on Friday. This alone left me feeling a bit sour. Her advice was to bring the two pages so we could have a chance to talk about it. I said, “Really?” in the highest, whiniest voice I could muster, “but it all sucks and I’m stuck.” She said, “Yes, we’ll take a look and you can talk it through with us.” I gave a big sigh and said, “Okay”

I took out my two measly straggly pages that I wrote in the last week and just read it over. All I was going to do was print out copies for my peers. But then I thought, let me at least finish the scene. Four pages and 906 words later….I finally, finally, FINALLY finished writing/revising Chapter 2.

Okay, I’m off to look at an art studio in Harlem. Hopefully, it’s not the size of a dark closet. Maybe, just maybe, I can bring over some of my painting supplies and have a working space to paint again. Keeping my fingers crossed.
Peace~ L

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

*grumble, grumble*

Sitting at my desk, working on my novel and nothing is coming out today.  Can’t force it, can’t make it happen.  The more I grasp at this ephemeral material the less access there is to it.  I’m frustrated!!  Wrote a grand total of 68 words today.  I’m not a happy camper.  In fact, my inner writer wants to throw herself on the floor in a fit of rage.  A bit dramatic I know…but full throttle kicking and screaming out of sheer frustration. I need an intervention. The belief in my own ability to finish this project is flagging today.  I can feel hot, biting tears filling up my eye sockets as I write these words out.  Yes, a bit overly dramatic.  I have to remember that I’ve gotten this far with the story.  I have managed to finish projects in the past so I am capable of finishing this one.  And just because I don’t “feel” it today doesn’t mean it will NEVER come.  The inner critic has the bullhorn today and all I can hear is, “I can’t write.”  I think a long walk after work is needed.  I’m so caught up in my own head that I’ve forgotten how to breathe.  Peace~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Monsoon season begins

This very Tuesday morning I woke up to yet another day of rain. I pulled myself out of bed, forced myself into the shower and it helped to wake me up. I dried my hair frizzy, put on some warm clothes, pulled on a pair of waterproof boots, put on my black trench coat, picked out a bright blue umbrella and out the door. As soon as I walked half a block, the skies opened up and down it poured, full on. The sky rumbled with thunder as dark clouds rolled overhead. The drops came down so hard it splashed up and drenched my dress slacks up to my knees. At least, they were the warmer ones. I kept walking and the rain kept coming down harder. It felt like it was picking up speed. That’s when I discovered that my waterproof boots are no longer as I felt water seep into my left boot. Ergh. So this is the first hour awake on Tuesday. Yep, I’m ready to pull the ostrich maneuver and hide under my duvet today. But alas, I continued on to my day job.

As I got onto the train and listened to people cough and wheeze through the first three express stops…it made me realize that there is some virus going around. It’s really when my hypochondriac self kicks into high gear and I just want to cover nose and mouth as a five year old sings Frère Jacques between bouts of a hacking phlegmy cough. Ick. *giggle* And you know she still doesn’t know how to cover her mouth yet as she shares all these lovely germs with the rest of us within a 3 feet vicinity. Bleck. (:-p)

So what is my writing update? Well, Sunday and Monday I was out of commission with yet another migraine. They seem to be coming on more aggressively these past 6 months. Not good for the overall well being and they are too painful to settle down and write for any length of time. However, that was yesterday. Today, my plan is to go home tonight and do some writing. I’m functioning again today so I may as well take advantage of the clarity. I have writing group on Friday so I’m hoping to bring in the rest of chapter 2. This is all new material that I’ve added during this rewrite process.

Wish me luck that it works.

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Friday's blog entry

The sky is thick with grey clouds today and I’m sleepy from taking allergy medicine early this morning.  I’m ready for a nap and I’ve barely started my day.
Yesterday (Thursday) I did some writing.  Didn’t get very far with it and I’m not sure where to take this section.  I am trying to trust the process but the control freak part of me has a hard time letting go of the white knuckle grip.  Hmmm.  When I just let go the story seems to unfold on its own.  I can see the images and hear the dialogue between the characters.  It’s like getting invited to a party and just sitting there and taking notes of everything that happens.  Listening in on all the conversations and putting it down as fast as I can.  It’s all very exciting.  But when I try to control the forward motion of the story, it’s like playing director and giving the characters instructions on where they should stand and what they should say.  That way of writing gets exhausting and then I don’t want to go back to the page.  Ergh * crooked mouth.* The one thing that has worked is I have to write a little bit every day.  It doesn’t matter how good it is or how much I write, I just have to put some words down.  It’s more important to get something down then to allow myself to flounder too long. 

It reminds me of something Sally Mann said in a documentary about her process and her work.  About how she would take an intensive time to put together a show and when the exhibit was hung and done, she would feel down because she would think to herself, “that’s it.  That’s all I’ve got left.  I’ll never be able to take another photograph again.”  This woman is an amazing photographer and her work is stunning.  But she also talks about the only thing that gets her past that point is to go out and shoot.  It can be anything but it’s about taking just one more photo.  I guess that’s all one can do.  We keep working.  Plodding through it. It’s not very exciting or glamorous but it’s putting the time in.  Tony compares it to putting money in the bank. Eventually it will all pay off.

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Quiet before the storm...

I managed to do some writing yesterday (Tuesday). Another page and a half added to the story. It’s moving forward. I’m not sure I’ll have much in the way of giving any pages to my writing group on Friday but we shall see. Tonight I’m attending a reading to support some of my fellow writers. Then home to do some work. It’s going to be a late night.

Today, I feel as if I’m in a holding pattern. There are several projects that I’m going to be involved with in the next couple of months and it’s the quiet before the storm. I’m excited at the opportunities that are arising and a little anxious over how much time/energy will be left over for my creative writing. I guess some juggling skills are in order. Who am I kidding?! I love, love, LOVE being busy…if I’m not doing half a dozen things with hair on fire then I’m bored senseless. And boredom’s not a friend of mine. It keeps me in a constant state of melancholy pining and we need to loosen that strangle hold, don’t we? All for now.

Peace,



L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

This is where I’m at…

Last night, I got home made myself a big salad of leafy greens and some crumbly feta cheese and basically inhaled it. I had a very early lunch at 11:30 am…not my idea…and by the time I got home I was hun-gry! By 6:45 pm I was in front of my computer working on my novel. I worked until 8:30 with a few minor phone interruptions.

Writing: it was very slow going but I was mentally ready that it was going to come out like molasses. After not working on the novel for quite awhile it will take time to find my way back into the middle of the story again. It won’t take long if I put some time into the work every night this week. The only way to get through a difficult area is to just write my way out of the corner.

I also managed to do some light stretching and exercise. My poor body has needed some movement. This office work (day job) and then writing life just keeps me seated most of the day. Despite the short 12 minute walk back and forth to the subway, that’s just not enough of a workout. I keep having dreams about running at a flat out run so even my dreams are about movement. I’m a bit sore this morning but I’ll do some yoga tonight to stretch those tight hamstrings. Eeek!

Hmm what else? Oh yes, so I’m down to the last 40 pages of Under the Poppy. It’s so good that I didn’t want to put it down this morning. I managed to get to a good holding point but I want lunch to come around quickly so I can buy a knish and sit out in the middle of Times Square to finish off the rest of this novel. Yep, that’s all I’m worried about at the moment.

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Uhm...yeah

The weather is finally starting to warm up and Mother’s Day was spent bbq-ing at my folk’s place. Lots of hot dogs with plenty of mustard and ‘kraut. Yum!! I don’t go near the burgers because my family makes them so well done that they may as well be charcoal bricks. Bleck! However, spicy sausages helped mitigate that loss.

Now it’s back to work and I can’t stop yawning and sneezing. Allergy season is upon us full force. I tried getting up at 5:30 this morning so I can spend some time writing…but it didn’t work. I couldn’t stay up long enough to feed my cat much less work. I sat up at the edge of my bed and looked out my window. It just so happened that it was a grey cloud covered morning and that’s all it took for me to turn around and go back to bed for another hour. I have to get myself back on a schedule…it will help me get back on track. Easier said than done.

The one thing I have been doing is reading Kathe Koja’s, Under the Poppy. Her language is elegant. She manages to extract the psychology of her characters therefore the actions they take ring true. I can’t get enough and I’m almost done with this book. The other writing aspect that I admire from her work is the way she’s able to handle the past (relevant to the characters) in snippets during the present conversation between two characters. This is not easy by any means. In fact, I find that I struggle with giving away too much information in these large meandering paragraphs and then when I go back I have to scale it all back down. Koja manages to say so much in a few precise lines about what each is capable of and why. This method is so uniquely hers that I couldn’t emulate it even if I tried. There was one short chapter that I couldn’t quite follow because she was introducing too many voices at one time. But for the most part, she does it so well. Her skill is genius. *sigh*

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got. No news on my novel since *eyes downcast, toe kicking up dirt* I haven’t been working as diligently as last month. I’m going to go home tonight and work on it. No excuses.

Peace,
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Here's what irks me...

So….Matt Dean (MN politician) apologized for calling Neil Gaiman a thief.  Well Dean said more than that about Gaiman but no need to repeat verbatim since its utter nonsense. Here’s what irks me about this interchange.  Why is it that if a creative person receives $45K for a speaking engagement he is considered a thief?  But if a CEO receives a million dollar bonus (after all these bailouts) there is NO outcry?  Gaiman replies that he’s given most of the money away to charity.  Very noble indeed.  HOWEVER, even if Gaiman had kept every red cent so he can continue to do his creative work, why is that wrong?  Gaiman happens to be one of the more successful creative types, which I think is great, rock on dude!! But goodness I want to throw up my hands in utter dismay at the complete lack of respect from Dean.  Even his apology rang false.  Good thing Gaiman can respond to the criticism in such a cool proper British way.  My fiery Mexican blood would not have handled it quite so coolly. 

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

“Resistance is Futile"

Today, I forgot my iPhone at home and it made me realize how addicted I am to being connected via email/text and phone. All my contacts are on that little contraption so I can’t call anyone from work without it in my hand. It’s also been awhile since I had a phone number memorized. At the moment, I have two numbers memorized, my own and my parent’s house. Hehehe. Who else do I need to talk to? The only reason why I know their phone number is because they’ve had it for the last 25 years. Anyway, now without phone in hand, I can’t call up or text my friends when I’m having a slow moment at work. Hmmm. What’s wrong with this picture?

I grew up without a cell phone attached to my hand. I come from a generation where cell phones were a luxury item but now that we’ve entered upon a generation of on-call /instant messaging/twittering communities…gosh, it’s really hard to go back. I’ve been saying to friends and family that I’m going to scale back from this high tech reality and just go back to a cell phone that only makes calls, nothing more. But truth be told, it’s a lot harder than I thought. This online presence is all-encompassing and without the technology, I feel like I’ve unplugged from the hive. “Resistance is futile.”

I work at a company that limits internet access because of compliance issues so I relied on my iPhone to check e-mails. And now I’m antsy because I haven’t checked e-mail all morning. What kind of twisted nightmare have I allowed in to warp my brain circuitry so that without internet access…I can’t sit still? Hmm? This is one of those moments where all this time on my hands has me thinking too much.

Funny, thinking about this has me recalling something Jeff Vandermeer’s wrote in Booklife about how all this access fragments us. Yes it does!! Dag it!! And now I have 4 and a half more hours before the day is done. I was supposed to go to a gallery opening tonight but unfortunately all the info is on my phone. Argh! I was going to slip the postcard into my book this morning just to have written details but I was running late...so much for a swanky party. Who says swanky in this day in age?
All for now….it’s time to unplug.

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Pleasure principle

The last couple of days I’ve been trying to get up early to do some writing. The body and mind are just not willing. I get up just long enough to feed my very loud meowing cat. Then I go back to sleep for a couple of more hours. I know I’m capable of getting up; after all, I’ve done it in the past. But…..*yawn*….been too sleepy lately. I think it’s all the allergy medicine I’m taking. Meanwhile, my story is wilting in the corner. Eeek! I’ve got to get my act together and just write.

Meanwhile, over the weekend, I finally picked up Kathe Koja’s book, Under the Poppy. The book came out last November and I’ve held off reading it out of sheer deprivation. Now that it’s in my grubby little hands, I meant to read only a chapter and managed to read 120 pages instead. Her writing is so damn good!! She does an amazing job of allowing the characters to evolve. There is nothing but sheer pleasure reading her work.
I think that’s all I’ve got for now.

Peace,

L~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

The Grind

Today has been about the grind...working for the man...about keeping nose to the grindstone.  So in other words not a great day.  I promised myself to stop using this platform to whinge about life.  I'll do my best not to go down that rocky path.

So now I'm staring at the screen and just blinking at it...seriously.  If I can't gripe, then my brain goes blank.  What is that about?  It's almost as if I can't start the conversation without a complaint on my lips, well in this case fingertips.

I'm working on this very particular project at my day job where I am supposed to look up and write about powerful influential women around the world.  Easy enough, I go onto the 2010 Forbes list and take a few key women and do some internet research and give a blurb on them, in 500 words or less.  Fine.  I spent the better part of the day doing this.  Instead of inspiring me, it's done the opposite.  Bleck!  :-P  It's left me in a bad mood about how little I'm accomplishing at the moment.  *arms crossed with a scowly frown upon my face*

Then, on the train home, I am reading a peer's manuscript, just making notations in the margins so I can give some specific feedback.  The young African-American woman who is sitting next to me, not more than 19 years old, takes a glance over.  She gives a big sigh, rolls her eyes, turns to her boyfriend who is sitting beside her and says pretty loudly, "oh god she's reading a novel, how boring!  Who has time for that shit anyway."  Being in the crotchety mood I was already in, I chose that moment to ignore her and keep reading.  But as I sat there I start to wonder about young readers and if this is their attitude to the written language then what the heck am I doing wasting my time writing?!  LOL!!  No, seriously!  The randomness of this encounter affected me.  Her flip comment, for just a moment, put me into an existential crisis. The universe was having a laugh at me today.

You see, after reading about powerful women who are making global contributions, I thought, what am I doing?  Why can't I use this brain of mine for something a bit more substantial than writing fiction.  I even thought, maybe I should go back to school and get my doctorate in eco-politics and environmental sciences. Hmmm.  Deep?  Maybe not so much. Maybe I'm just running away from the page. The novel-writing business isn't easy.  So environmental sciences it is.  *hehehe*  Even writing it out and reading it back to myself, I can see the absurdity of it all.  But when it lives inside my brain it festers into something  else.  

My 15-year old niece not too long ago told me she was interested in going into theater: playwriting, working on stage crew, building sets, etc.  It took every ounce of willpower I possessed NOT to tell her "NOOOO! Going into theater will break your heart into a thousand pieces and then use those very pieces to ram down your throat!!"  Bitter, much?  I did NOT say those words out loud to her.  I did not discourage her.  I was a good auntie and told her to pursue whatever interests she wanted.  (I think that's what I said to her).

I digress...I guess if I can be supportive of my niece in her pursuit of exploring theater then I really have to learn to be supportive of my own work as a writer.  If I can be a super cheerleader for every member of my own writing group and every newbie writer I meet then I need to believe in my own hype.  Voilá!

Universe, I got the lesson...

All for now...keep on keeping on.

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Curious minds

I am currently working on caffeinating myself awake. I tossed and turned until ~2:30 am with a 6:30 am wake up call. Four hours of sleep…blah! ;-p. I tried a bit of writing but my brain wasn’t really cooperating so I let that go after a short while. I am restless and this constant rain does not help my melancholy disposition.

So after my family lunch on Saturday, I walked over to Barnes and Noble and wandered around. I went to the last floor which has books of poetry and science fiction in close proximity and came across some of Michio Kaku’s books; a physicist who has co-authored papers on string field theory. I’ve wanted to pick up his books for a while because he discusses the possibilities or impossibilities of science fiction technology. I’m not a scientist by any stretch of the imagination but I am curious and fascinated by both quantum physics and string field theory. I can take it in small doses because my poor brain goes into meltdown mode if I try to contemplate the notion of parallel universes for too long. But Kaku has a way of making very complex scientific material accessible to a neophyte like me. Intellectual curiosity…I’ve got this trait in sheer abundance. There is a fine line between letting my imagination stretch and knowing too much information… not sure what that line is yet…but I’ll let you know as soon as I’ve gotten there. Anyway, I digress, so I bought up three of Kaku’s titles: Physics of the Impossible, Parallel Worlds and Hyperspace. Hoorah!! I have an inkling of a new story in the back of my head and I’ll need to start jotting down some of these notes on index cards.

I also picked up Finch by Jeff VanderMeer. I’ve been reading his non-fiction title BookLife and he has an interesting way of using language and humor. So I thought I would see how his fiction reads. I think Finch is also his first book as a full-time writer. As in no longer working a side/day job to make ends meet but rather have a whole day stretch before him to work on his novel. He did write in BookLife that he barely left his apartment or spoke to anyone for 3 months finishing up his novel, which I think is pretty cool (for lack of a better phrase ‘cause I’m barely awake). Hence, my curiosity.

All right, so despite buying up these new titles, do you think I had presence of mind to put any one of these titles into my bag this morning….uhm, nope! So when I go into my bag this morning, on the train to work, I think I’m going to pull out a Kaku title only to find my bag empty. Drat!! I had also taken out my working pages of my novel and left them on my desk at home. Double drat!!
I need another cup of tea and move around a bit before I fall asleep with my eyes wide open.

Peace,

Lily~



All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Wilted State

I can't sleep tonight.  
I went to see the newest remake of Jane Eyre.  There is something about period movies that makes my romantic sensibilities lose control.  Directed by Cary Joji Fukunaga, screenplay written by Moira Buffini. 
The language was lush and the quiet moments hummed with intensity.  Visually stunning, landscape as stark and bare as the protagonist.  Declarations of love, poetic.  The loneliness and longing so palpable it takes a strangle hold and dares not let go. Left in its wake is me in a bit of a wilted state.  I guess it does no good to wallow.  Must get some rest...


Peace,


L~    

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Rain, rain, go away....

Saturday morning and I am sitting in front of this post trying to come up with something interesting to write.  Can you smell the smoke?
 
Let's see, writing group went well last night, I had decent feedback. I'm not sure how to address some of their comments within the story yet.  I'll just have to think on it.  I plan on writing today but I've had a late start and I have a family lunch to go to shortly.

My niece Gexy turned 15 this week.  I can't believe I am an aunt to a 15-year old teen.  When did that happen?  And can we stop the aging process please?  Like right now.  She had her first student show at Pratt's Saturday Art Program last Saturday and I am blown away at her talent.  Gexy has a quirky brain and I like being surprised by her interpretation of the way she sees the world. Interesting to say the least.

I'm trying to organize my brain to what to do after lunch.  There are errands to run, kitty litter to buy and box to clean out.  There are chores in the house to take care of...blah!  This is the time when I most need someone else to take care of that for me.  Who am I kidding?  I'm sure I will tackle it when I get back from lunch this afternoon.  And fit in some writing.  Hmmm maybe I'm approaching this all wrong.  Perhaps today I'll try to fit in the chores and just write.  If I want to finish this novel this year, I need to make the most of my weekends on this project.  Yes, my head is on straight now.

Which reminds me, someone sent me a manuscript of their novel and I'd also like to take a read of that as well.  I'll convert it into a PDF and upload it onto my Nook.  And there is also Kathe Koja's book, Under the Poppy.  I've been wanting to read this book for ages but I was waiting for some down time.

All right, I'm off to a birthday lunch.

Peace,

Lily


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Sticky ZZZZZZZZZZ

Last night, writing was a bit grueling. Let me rephrase that. I’m dealing with a difficult scene. On the one hand, I was able to carve out some language and incorporate some new ideas after last week’s feedback. On the other hand, after two hours of work, I only had 790 words added to the chapter. It was going but each new sentence or turn of phrase came out painfully s-l-o-w. My first reaction after 2 hours of work was “that’s it?!” But a teeny voice in the back of my brain was celebrating. It means two more hours of work on a manuscript that was neglected for a week while I transitioned to my new place. It means 790 more words than I had the day before. It means that I have worked every day this week since Sunday on this story. It means I am that much closer to finishing it. So the teeny voice is getting heard for a change. Phew!

It’s a grey day in Noo Yawk Sitty and the low grade migraine that I have had for the past three days is slowly…very slowly starting to subside. I know there is a storm front heading our way and once the storm passes, I hope this migraine will go with it. My skin has felt cold and clammy these last couple of days. Cold damp weather is not good for the Kapha constitution. Blah! Ooo it just started raining. It’s a light foggy misty kind of rain. A wimpy kind of rainwater that barely leaves drops on the windows. Meanwhile, my very straight hair (heavily weighed down with product) is frizzing up. Dammit!! Hehehe.

Uhm gosh, what else? Oh yes, I accidently spilled a cup of my tea onto my work station’s keyboard yesterday. So now the letter ZZZZZZZZ gets stuck. I tried to wipe it down with paper towels and I thought I managed to dry it all but alas I think all the nasty dusty crud has mingled with the sugar from my tea to make it a sticky ZZZZZZZZZZ. What crap, I may have to go in with a damp cloth between the key spacing to clear it out. Bleck! As you can see I am very busy with very important tasks at my day job. All right, I guess I need to get my day started.

Peace,

Lily

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.