The Grind

Today has been about the grind...working for the man...about keeping nose to the grindstone.  So in other words not a great day.  I promised myself to stop using this platform to whinge about life.  I'll do my best not to go down that rocky path.

So now I'm staring at the screen and just blinking at it...seriously.  If I can't gripe, then my brain goes blank.  What is that about?  It's almost as if I can't start the conversation without a complaint on my lips, well in this case fingertips.

I'm working on this very particular project at my day job where I am supposed to look up and write about powerful influential women around the world.  Easy enough, I go onto the 2010 Forbes list and take a few key women and do some internet research and give a blurb on them, in 500 words or less.  Fine.  I spent the better part of the day doing this.  Instead of inspiring me, it's done the opposite.  Bleck!  :-P  It's left me in a bad mood about how little I'm accomplishing at the moment.  *arms crossed with a scowly frown upon my face*

Then, on the train home, I am reading a peer's manuscript, just making notations in the margins so I can give some specific feedback.  The young African-American woman who is sitting next to me, not more than 19 years old, takes a glance over.  She gives a big sigh, rolls her eyes, turns to her boyfriend who is sitting beside her and says pretty loudly, "oh god she's reading a novel, how boring!  Who has time for that shit anyway."  Being in the crotchety mood I was already in, I chose that moment to ignore her and keep reading.  But as I sat there I start to wonder about young readers and if this is their attitude to the written language then what the heck am I doing wasting my time writing?!  LOL!!  No, seriously!  The randomness of this encounter affected me.  Her flip comment, for just a moment, put me into an existential crisis. The universe was having a laugh at me today.

You see, after reading about powerful women who are making global contributions, I thought, what am I doing?  Why can't I use this brain of mine for something a bit more substantial than writing fiction.  I even thought, maybe I should go back to school and get my doctorate in eco-politics and environmental sciences. Hmmm.  Deep?  Maybe not so much. Maybe I'm just running away from the page. The novel-writing business isn't easy.  So environmental sciences it is.  *hehehe*  Even writing it out and reading it back to myself, I can see the absurdity of it all.  But when it lives inside my brain it festers into something  else.  

My 15-year old niece not too long ago told me she was interested in going into theater: playwriting, working on stage crew, building sets, etc.  It took every ounce of willpower I possessed NOT to tell her "NOOOO! Going into theater will break your heart into a thousand pieces and then use those very pieces to ram down your throat!!"  Bitter, much?  I did NOT say those words out loud to her.  I did not discourage her.  I was a good auntie and told her to pursue whatever interests she wanted.  (I think that's what I said to her).

I digress...I guess if I can be supportive of my niece in her pursuit of exploring theater then I really have to learn to be supportive of my own work as a writer.  If I can be a super cheerleader for every member of my own writing group and every newbie writer I meet then I need to believe in my own hype.  Voilá!

Universe, I got the lesson...

All for now...keep on keeping on.

Peace,

L~

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