Gluten-Free Feast

I spent the holiday weekend upstate with my best friend Tony. Buddies since college, we now share similar food restrictions so it was great to see the very many options to change up my one note menu.  He cooked his heart out and I was his sous chef for one or two recipes.  We had homemade vegetarian Indian food which included Mooli Koftas (shredded radishes) with a green sauce, Raita, Dhal where we substituted tomatoes with red bell peppers, Chickpeas in a spicy sauce, brown basmati rice…I know I’m forgetting something but it’ll come back to me.  He showed me how to change up and substitute ingredients to get a similar taste and texture from original recipes.  The biggest one was substituting red bell peppers for tomatoes and adding a little lemon juice/citric acid to give it a bite.  I made a lentil dish that’s so delish that I need to make it again as soon as possible.  

BiBamBop-November 2013
Pic taken by Antony Galbraith, Stolen by Lily

 On another night, T cooked up a host of Korean-style side dishes to make BiBamBop.  It included pickled jalapenos, spinach with garlic and sesame seeds, hijiki, cooked pea shoots, fresh bean sprouts, cooked mushrooms, pickled radishes, kimchi that he made from scratch the week before and rice.  He reminded me how easy it is to cook with food restrictions in mind that doesn’t include breads or pastas.  I sometimes get stuck eating one or two meals over and over again because it’s easy and quick to make.  The problem is the lack of variety makes me fall of the horse, reach for a slice of pizza which only causes my symptoms to flare up and pain to hook in.  A slice is just not worth it. 

He even made a modified Thanksgiving feast that included a tasty pumpkin pie without crust topped off with a dairy-free whipped cream made out of coconut milk, yum! We had squash with a mushroom gravy, a bread stuffing made with gluten-free breadcrumbs and parsnip mash. Ooo and a faux wine made with berries, grapes and celery that he juiced...YUMMY!  I did have a freak out moment when the stuffing came out of the oven and it was sitting on the stove and I saw the chunks of bread peeking out it.  I said, “Oh my god, I can’t eat that, it has bread in it.”  T just laughed at me and it occurred to me that it had to be gluten free bread.  His food allergies are a bit more extreme than mine. 

I went home with a small jar of kimchi and a loaf freshly baked bread made from bean flour. I had a cashew butter and jam sandwich last night and it was delish.   I know this whole blog entry revolves around the food that I ate but for the past couple of months I’ve been living in a bubble of all the foods that I am not supposed to / allowed to eat. [No gluten, no dairy, no tomatoes, no potatoes, no peanuts and no alcohol.] So to have a little leeway, to see other possibilities of what this new diet entails helped LOADS!!  A big shout out to Tony for being such a great friend, for cooking up such a feast, and for playing board games until we were cross-eyed. I'll include a pic of our Korean banquet when I get home tonight. 

Peace,

L~

 

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

A New Day

I am starting my own business.  There is much to do but I am working up a business plan and some real workable and substantial goals to make it happen.  By next spring, I am going to open up my very own Editorial Service for Creative Writers.  I have both the education and the work experience in publishing to copyedit, proofread and give creative writers feedback.  [The only genre I won’t be able to work in is science-fiction.  Unfortunately, it’s too close to the genre that I currently write in.] I am still in the early stages of working up a plan but I wanted to get the ball rolling and let folks know what’s coming down the pipeline. 

The next five months will be about writing up my business plan, setting up the website, setting down some standard rates, getting the word out, and test piloting the plan. I’ve been doing research on my down time and making lots of notes for myself.  I am also using a couple of resources to help me plan things out. [I love this part.]  I’m sure I’ll also send some updates via my blog and social media to keep everyone up-to-date on how things are moving along. I am very excited about this new endeavor. 

*****

In the meantime, I am also still writing.  I spent Veteran’s Day working on my novel for about five hours. I enjoyed it and felt some satisfaction on the changes that I have made with this revision. It’s an excruciatingly slow process when in the midst of creating while revising but can't seem to do it any other way.  Mostly, I just want to make sure that the intention of the sentence is in line with the intention of the characters, without trying to be too precious with the language.

I wanted to mention this odd thing that inspired me recently.  Edward Burns has a commercial where he talks about his first movie and how he had a stack of rejections from Hollywood.  He talked to his dad because he was bummed out over the many rejections and his dad reminded Burns that he made the movie because he enjoyed the process. 

For whatever reason, that story gently reminded me that despite all my complaints and whinging in the past that I really do love to write. I write all the time.  In my journal, on my blog, I write to my friends long meandering emails about what’s going on with me and then I write notes to myself reminding me about something that happened in the past, something that bubbles up from the depths of my psyche.  I enjoy the feel of language beneath my pen and under my key strokes, on the page and in my head, always in the midst of trying to transmit and articulate.  I feel incredibly blessed that I have the freedom to do so in this time.  I am loving life on this cold November day.   

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

A Decent Writing Jag

Hmmm, I had a pretty decent writing jag today.  I wrote the backstory for one of my characters to get a better sense of who she is and what motivates her. I had started on this some weeks ago but I stopped once I became sick.  I picked up where I left off and I was able to keep the story going until she meets the main character in the novel and then I took a break.  Five and a half, single-spaced pages. Sweet!  I'm not sure if I'll use any of these pages in the final novel but I definitely got to know her much better.

When I got back from my break, I took a look at some of the most recent pages I had worked on and started going over it with a fine tooth comb in order to fix typos, misspelled words, grammar, etc. It's the nit-picky work that I've been letting slide little-by-little every time I broached the page. I've been so intent on figuring out the story that this is the first chance that I've had to cross out lines that don't work and fix the language.  It felt grounding to get back to my work.  It's been awhile and it feels amazing.

More again soon,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Let Her Go - Passenger

I've been slow on the uptake with music lately.  I just heard this song for the first time today. Simple but bittersweet.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Quick Weekend

The weekend went by too quickly. Partly due to a writing group session and a small wine party afterwards.  Partly due to coming down with yet another cold and a migraine.

The good part of the weekend involved a writing group session, meeting up with fellow writers and going over new material. Then a get-together with some folks from grad school. It was an evening of catching up, talking about the craft of writing and more than a few laughs.  It was exactly what we all needed. It made me very aware of that part of me that I've been neglecting lately. My day job has been taking up too much head space leaving me pretty blank by day's end.  I've neglected journalling, writing blogs, and the novel.  No wonder I'm feeling so stressed and out-of-sorts.  The plan is to get back on track. More writing every day.  Did some writing today and I've started to feel sane, I think.  Can't really remember what sane feels like so I'll pretend that I do until it's true.  :-)

Still sick though.  I've been fighting the same cold for the past three weeks.  It seems to be getting the best of me unfortunately.  Add another layer with a splitting migraine and I was not a happy camper. I didn't even drink at the wine party which makes it doubly frustrating. Anyway, lots of rest and hiding under my duvet. Today the migraine is mostly gone but the cold lingers.

That's all I have for today.

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Two quick sentences

The rest of my Saturday consisted of taking a long walk in the park, reading in the sun, a decent soy latte and drinks with a good friend.  Pandora is doing better by the hour and I can sleep well tonight.
Peace,
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

What Next?

It's a mild Saturday in October.  I was out in the backyard sipping a mugful of black tea listening to the wind move through the tree leaves. Listening to the birds sing across the span. I had to force myself to just stay there and enjoy it.  I've been stressed out and antsy because of my sick kitty.  She's on the mend but it was touch and go for the past two days. I had a long weekend trip planned out away from the city but that was cancelled.  I am relieved that Pandora is doing better and today she stepped out into the backyard to get some sun too.  A very good sign for a kitty who hasn't left my room nor my side for the past two days.  I know she is getting older and one day soon she's going to pass from this life but I am so grateful she's doing better.

I'm a little unsure of what I'm going to do next today.  Perhaps I'll start off with a shower and see where my day takes me.

Peace,
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings - Retreat

This is Sharon Jones and The Dap-Kings new song Retreat!  Sharon Jones has been dealing with cancer these past months.  My thoughts go out to her for a speedy recovery.  She is an amazing singer!!
Enjoy the fiery talent of this group!!   

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Manic Monday

What a brutal day!! I won't bother to list the many, many things that went wrong.  Let's just say I'm glad that today is almost over and tomorrow is a NEW DAY!!  I could use a little magic to pick me up.

Aside from a bad day...I've been doing a lot of non-fiction reading. I've picked up What Color is Your Parachute, Eat Right 4 Your Type and Ensouling Language (still reading it).
What Color is for some much needed career advice.
Eat Right is to help me adjust my diet.
Ensouling speaks to my writer's soul.

Last bit, just want to share The Lumineers song-Stubborn Love.

Enjoy!
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Oh me, oh my

October is turning out to be a very busy month.
Lots of fun social events with friends. Yay!
Tickets to see Fiona Apple in concert.  Looking forward to that.
Even had a fun night out with fellow workers from my day gig a couple of nights ago.  Usually my introverted side has a hard time mingling...but I managed to stay for an hour and a half without putting my foot in my mouth...yay.  Hehehe...only those who ever feel socially awkward truly understand.  * doing a little dance. *
I also booked a train ticket to go see my best friend upstate over the long Columbus Day weekend.  Yay.  I'm bringing my laptop to work on my slow progressing novel.  Rest and relaxation and writing...who can beat that?
My grandmother is coming into town so lots of cleaning and running errands before she arrives later tonight.  She's in town because one of my aunts has been very sickly lately. Hopefully it won't be a sad visit.
Let's see, I had this wicked cold last weekend that had me laid out for the better part of the week...and today I feel bright-eyed and bushy tailed.  * awww *
Last but certainly not least, a friend of mine who's been laid up in the hospital after complications from a ruptured appendix is finally back on the road to recovery.  K was released earlier in the week but she still needs an at-home day nurse to help change IV antibiotics. She was in such bad shape that I thought the outcome was going to be different.  Her fighting Irish spirit was not giving up.  Thank goodness.  The down side is that her doctors are telling her that she's not allowed to go back to work for at least 6 months. For someone who's a day laborer that's difficult news to hear. Thankfully, she's got some good friends who are lending her a hand.  To be rich with the bonds of friendship is all the treasure you need in this world...truly. I learned that lesson from one of my favorite movies, 'It's A Wonderful Life.'
I think I've put off getting my day started long enough....time to hit the shower.
Peace,
L~



All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Cold Hard Gaze

Do you ever stand back and take a look at the state of your life and think, where the heck am I?
Sheesh this happens to me far too often. However, this is not one of those self-pitying entries. It's a cold hard gaze, seeing clearly the scope and range of my life...the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. No doubt, I have had some hardships in my life. In this day and age who hasn't.  I have a crazy family who drive me bat-shit crazy from time to time but who love and support me the best way they know how. My extended family of close, bright, vibrant friends who make my heart glad when I think of them or when I hear from them...who let me vent without judgment, who vent back when they need support and they know they can count on me too. God! how much do I love them all?  Even the ones that I'm no longer on good terms with or who I fell out of grace with. I am grateful for the gifts, the lessons and the challenges that have come and gone. They have made me far more resilient than I ever give myself credit. I pride myself on being efficient person but really that's just a skill I've honed. What really matters is the people who have ever come into my life, who are in my life, or no longer actively communicating or who have passed from this life.  Those connections, some brief, some that have spanned decades...those in community, those who I've shared prayers with, both teachers and students, lovers and friends. Tonight, I feel blessed to have known them all. I am filled with gratitude and I just wanted to share this personal tidbit.  * heart wide open *
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Mid-month Update

Let's see, it's been awhile since I've written an entry.  Here are the current stats.

Writing: Slow and steady, I am working on revising the novel.  I am re-writing points of views so it's about re-shaping the way the story is being told.  Not sure yet, if it's working but I'll just plug through until I've made a solid pass across the whole manuscript.

Health: Had my first appointment with a naturopathic doctor to figure out the pain that I've been dealing with.  She's recommended a restrictive diet to weed out the possibility of food allergies and some herbs to help tonify organ functions. I am feeling positive and glad about being pro-active about my health.  Let's see how it all sorts out.

Music: Went to see Blue October play live at Irving Plaza on Saturday.  Their music live is so worth the price of a ticket! The group has some rabid fans but the best part of that is the ability to listen to the whole audience singing/shouting/carrying along with music.  Frontman Justin Furstenfeld has such a great growl and when the music crescendoes, the audience is riding along with that wave.  Irving Plaza was a bit too small for this group's crowd but I was able to grab a spot near an open door, that helped keep my claustrophobia at bay.  His rendition of Bleed Out (from his new album) was so genuine and heartfelt that I could feel the intention of the song down to my toes.  He also sang the first song that turned me onto this group Hate Me.  I also wanted to mention the song Fear, the version that he sang at Irving gave me the chills. The song was sung with a full open voice..really beautifully done.  I can't stop listening to their music.  Hoorah!!  

I think that's all I have for now.  I have to get some sleep.  Enjoy!!

Peace,
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Women or Nothing - Ethan Coen

On Saturday, I went to see Ethan Coen's play, Women or Nothing playing at Atlantic Theater Company, Linda Gross Theater. The play is about a lesbian couple who decide they want a child so desperately that they will pick a co-worker to sleep with to make it happen. The writing is quick and funny and at times it made me laugh so hard that I could hardly hear the next lines. Some of the monologues went too long but for the most part they held their own.

Now as far as the story arc is concerned, that's a little more problematic for me. I don't think the story needed the mother to come into the mix.  Although Deborah Rush as Dorene was funny...I almost think Chuck's revelations (played by Robert Beitzel) could have been confessed to Laura the morning after.  It would have created a powerful intimate moment. And the revelation could have had more of a payoff because of the high expectations set up in the beginning. The stakes could even have been raised if part of the revelation was that Chuck had a vasectomy. If Coen had used that tactic, then the blow out between Laura (played by Susan Pourfar) and Gretchen (played by Halley Feiffer) could have been phenomenal. It would have given the audience a little more scope to their relationship perhaps seeing the cracks created by their decision.  All this analysis after the fact is just another possibility. My writer's brain hardly ever turns off so the critique is based on the love of the craft.

Susan Pourfar as Laura definitely played the part of high-strung creative.  At times, the affected accent was bit distracting but Pourfar's portrayal of Laura made her, by far, my favorite character. Robert Bietzel as Chuck was really well done.  I just wish he had more lines during his scene with Laura. However, his scene with Dorene was so nuanced and vulnerable that I really enjoyed his performance. Halley Feiffer as Gretchen was my least favorite character.  In her case, I think it had more to do with the way the character was written than with her acting. She seemed to be the least developed character.

My last kudos goes to set designer Michele Spadaro who created an apartment that I wanted to move into.  Women or Nothing plays until October 6th, definitely worth checking out if you're in New York City.

Peace,

Lily~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Short and Sweet

Writing Update--No work done on the novel this week.  No excuses, just no work.
Monday, I tried to re-write a paragraph.  The frustration was too great.  The results too crappy.  So that went straight to the bin.
Starting this new temp gig has had me on overdrive at work with very little brain power at night.  I've been going on fumes and now that it's almost Friday...I'm looking forward to this long weekend for some much needed writing time.
I've also been dealing with some health issues. Nothing so dire to land me in the hospital but just enough of a nuisance to make me make an appearance with my primary doctor. Follow up visits to ensue next week to get test results.
I'm going to keep this one short and sweet.  Have a great holiday weekend.
Peace,
Lily~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Robyn - Be Mine! (Live from the Cherrytree House)

Last night, I heard this song for the first time. I loved it enough to jot down the name and look her up tonight.  This song first came out in 2005 but this softer version came out in 2009.  I know it's an oldie but it's a goodie.

Enjoy!
Lily~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Pablo Alboran - Quien

I know I have been slow on the uptake with music lately....
and this video came out 3 months back
but you just can't miss a ballad from Pablo Alboran
you just can't do that to yourself for even one more day.
Peace,
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Penny Thoughts

An avocado pit lies broken open
hollowed out tender sprout.
A wall of rain is broached 
with a tilted brain.
Who steals in increments?
Loose change at the bottom
of a purse, pennies short.
A cold pear waits
against the desk light.
Bite down hard, break skin.

Storing items at the bottom
of an empty coffee can  
reminds me of another time
when we were holding
ourselves solid against a wall.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Prey

A shadow is lingering in the back of my brain
candy wrapper crackling in the darkness
teeth striking against sharp enamel edges
waiting like a cat ready to pounce on prey
ever watchful for the sound or the movement
that will set off the next chain of events
wasting time 'til the spark sets us on fire.

I dreamt that you died and you forgot
to say good-bye. How can I sleep
when the chair keeps being left wide
open in the yard ? A gaping mouth
with no one around to fold it close,
where downward facing dog
is the new prayer pose, no words,
just breath and beads of sweat
to offer as sacrifice.  

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Twice Promised

It’s strange now to think of you after all this time. A letter twice folded slipped into the back of a desk drawer. There are marks on me where the pen met the paper. A past filled with promises. The present left unattended. Where do we go from here? You kept asking. On the back porch I drink a glass of cold water making my teeth hurt. My answers are incomplete. Shelves are brimming with unread books. Where do we even start?  A question mark perched on the edge. I would apologize if I knew what you did wrong. We move, move, move to stop from thinking about each other.  Now that I've paused, flood waters. Remind me to look you up after I’ve sorted the recycling. Sitting quietly with past, I surrender. 

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Blue October-Bleed Out

Okay! So you know how much I LOVE Blue October.  They just came out with a new video...and I can't stop listening to this song, Bleed Out.  I admit frontman Justin Furstenfeld's voice is so compelling to me that I can't get enough of it...then with the rest of the group's voices, they create these layered harmonizing tracks that echo giving the whole piece a hollow feeling.  Love, love their sound!!  I just scored tickets to see them play live on September 14th at 7 pm at Irving Plaza. I am STOKED!!

Peace,
L~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

The Glamorous Life of Being a Temp

Tuesday morning.  It's pouring buckets and today I had an interview for a new temp gig. It's an exciting post. Can't really go into specifics except to say the interview went by quickly and they are looking to bring someone on ASAP, which works for me. My agency has been total rock stars on my behalf. Yay!!  I am buzzing at the prospect of having a grown up job for a change.

Now I am back at my desk trying to settle down enough to do some writing.  My 5-year old niece followed me to my room and she is vying for my attention. She seems to be winning this battle of wills.
She found a connect-the-dots book and is now hard at work at connecting them in pink ink.  Okay...she's won.  Time to do a little coloring before I can write.

Peace,
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Catching Up

Monday.  It's a grey overcast day and it's a good day to write.  I've spent the late morning/early afternoon working on the novel.  It's coming along. That's as much as I'll say about the writing. I've hit my wall though.  I need more caffeine.  I made the mistake of drinking decaf tea earlier and now I'm paying for it with big open-mouthed yawns. I have more work to transcribe so I'm going to take a little break, freshen up my cuppa tea, move around a bit, perhaps a bite for lunch (leftovers) and then back to work.

My temp gig ended last Friday and for a change it didn't freak me out.  I thought: at least I'll have some time to work on the writing.  Altho' my very efficient agency may have another gig lined up for me starting tomorrow.  In the meantime, it's a good day to get some of my own work done.  Yay.

Let's see, this weekend, I caught up with a couple of shows that my friend Tony has been telling me to watch for ages.  The Fall with Gillian Anderson.  It's a UK crime show and she's brilliant in it.  There are only a handful of episodes so I was able to watch most of them.

Also, I started watching Hemlock Grove on Netflix.  That show I'm still on the fence.  Lili Taylor plays a guest role and I love her to bits in this series. The lead characters feel a bit stilted for me but I only managed to watch a couple of them so far.  Famka Janssen also plays a character and she steals the show. The evil characters always seem so much more interesting than the do-gooders. She definitely has the creepy mama vibe working for her.

That's all I have for now.  Off to find more tea.
Peace,
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Pity-Partying Tango

Writing Update.
Is this the part where I tell you that I want to quit writing?
The part where I tell you that I have no freakin' idea what I'm doing with this novel.
And I really, really want to give up on it. I mean REALLY!
Light the manuscript on fire and let the whole thing go up in smoke.
Yep, that's how I'm feeling about it these days. I know this feeling will pass but until that feeling passes I wait.
I want to move onto a new project. Perhaps go back to my first love, poetry.
Throw some snow on the wall and see what sticks.
Go back to playwriting and write 110 pages of a full-length play.
Do almost anything else but deal with the vast blankness that I have pertaining to this novel.
The writing muse is gone...or at least in a deep sleep...or a coma....or on vacation.
I try to fake it for awhile but there is just so much faking I can do before I know that the words are not right.  The writing isn't getting better.  The story is floundering.  And so am I.
I read in one of my many books on writing that sometimes if you have shared too much of the story... the creative self will stop writing.  Might that be the case?  Well I can't un-do the sharing.  I can't unpop that cork. Going forward I may hold back and keep my fingers still from writing on my blog about the next project but for right now...I am slowly wallowing in the murky depths of a story that doesn't quite work.  Ergh!  If I were to start over, hack it up, what would be left over?  Perhaps I'm not meant to be a novelist?  Who intentionally signs up to be a writer anyway?
I wrote to an old friend to tell them how writing was my first love. And that in my early twenties I thought myself a force to be reckoned with...I wanted to take the publishing world by storm.
Twenty years later, I'm just working on facing the page and not quitting.
My friend reminds me that I persevere, no matter what...I keep moving forward. I feel stuck tonight.
I spent the better part of my adult life working on Plan B, trying to sort out a career, a relationship (a couple of them), some savings for the future.  Yes, well that didn't work out either.
There is no more Plan B.  Writing is what I have.  It's all I've ever wanted to do.  And as I sit here rubbing my eyebrows off, I have to say tonight, I just wish I was a better writer.
Better at the craft. Better at making it work.  Better at not allowing the funk to get the best of me.
I'm still writing...I spent the better part of the day working on one character.  One small slice of the story.  How do you build them up so that they seem like living breathing characters?  One layer at a time. Ergh!

There have been all these articles lately about how a "writer" must conduct themselves pertaining to their blog in order to build their audience.  They say not to share too much personal information, not to whine, not to complain too much.  Yep, I've done all of these "no-nos" in varying degrees since I've first started this blog back in 2008. And really, it's not bad advice since you always want to put your best self out there.  But for f**k sake this is PART of the writing process too. This unmitigated impatience and pity-partying tango is part of it too. Anyway, that's all I have for tonight. Those articles be damned!

Peace out,
L~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Bittersweet Love

Lots went on the last week and a half.  Highlights are long overdue.
On Monday, July 29th- I took the day off from work and went to see Ben Howard in concert in Central Park. Super performance and I enjoyed every minute.  His music is just really laid back and groovy.  He had a few up-tempo songs that sounded amazing live. But mostly I was there to enjoy his steady grounded vibe. I opted not to stand in the pit so I could actually enjoy the music.  I'm uploading a video from YouTube (recorded by R. Ridder) singing Old Pines. Lovely.

On Saturday, I took my niece to see Wolverine.  I really must have been in the mood to see this movie because I loved the highly stylized martial arts in this film.  There were a couple of scenes that were so over the top that I couldn't help but roll my eyes...like the chase on the high speed train...but for the most part I enjoyed it as summer fare.

Today, I re-read Annie Proulx's short story Brokeback Mountain. As much as I love the movie, I love the actual short story even more. She captures tender moments so well that it physically makes me ache with longing. The language condensed but it speaks volumes. There is one paragraph in the story when Jack is thinking back over his time with Ennis.  Ennis wraps an arm around Jack...that moment makes my throat raw with unshed emotion. Even now as I think about it...my throat tightens up with the bittersweetness of the multi-layers of love in its purest form. This story is just so beautiful.

All for now....

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Writing vs. Laundry

11:30 am on Saturday and I am procrastinating on writing with laundry. Even writing this blog entry is about not working on my novel. Ergh! It's that thing that I need to work on but it feels like work so I'm avoiding.  This week I've been distracted with life, concerts, dating, poetry readings and now I'm trying to catch up with myself. Good thing, right?

The problem with catching up with myself is that all those feelings that I've been distracting myself from are now sitting in the forefront. They are just feelings and they will pass but breaking off with my last gf has left me feeling shitty. I just miss her company.  Bleck!!  :-P
Am I using this "feeling shitty" as an excuse not to write?  Damn Skippy!

I finished reading Barbara Kingsolver's Flight Behavior.  God! She's such an amazing writer and altho' I did not like her last title Lacuna...this book..this book...was magic.  These are her opening lines to Flight Behavior:

A certain feeling comes from throwing your good life away, and it is one part rapture. Or so it seemed for now, to a woman with flame-colored hair who marched uphill to meet her demise.  Innocence was no part of this.  She knew her own recklessness and marveled, really, at how one hard little flint of thrill could outweigh the pillowy, suffocating aftermath of a long disgrace.  

There are moments in this book that broke me open, dug into the middle of my chest and crushed the air out of my lungs.  The suffocating emotions she evoked were carved out of this stark small town landscape and the monarch butterflies were the catalyst to Dellarobia Turnbow's transformation.  Kingsolver has a way of crushing together hard science, the natural world and the human species into a tangible relationship. Beautifully written. I found myself choking back unexpected tears.

Okay, enough procrastinating.  Time to face my novel.
Peace,
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Lines of Poetry and Live Music

Wednesday night.  I have lines of poetry circling around in my head.  They are zygotes of an idea, not yet ready to be put down on a page.  I'll have my notebook next to my pillow when the lines wake me up. *yawn*  I'm ready for bed but I wanted to write a few more lines.

Tuesday night was fantastic.  Loved seeing Tegan and Sara at Pier 26.  I belted out every song in full voice 'cause I could. And yes I hopped around for a little bit too.  Tegan wore a t-shirt with a Tempest emblem...remember that old Atari arcade game.  It made me crush on her a little bit more for it.  At one point, one of the audience members (male hipster) who was standing next to me, said "Holy f**k, you knew every song." I said, "Hell Yeah!  I came to see them." I left soon after...the fun. crowd was making things a little too tight for my taste.  God! I really wish I could get over this claustrophobia I get during concerts.  I was way up in the front because I was there to see T&S...but once folks started pushing forward to get a closer spot to see fun. I was done!! I scrambled my 5'2" frame outta there and found the nearest water station 'cause I was hot and faint.  Anyway, the one decent pic that I got of T&S I've uploaded here:

July 23, 2013 at Pier 26 in New York City

I'm also attaching WHERE DOES THE GOOD GO...I always love when they sing this song live. Yay!!

Rock on people, rock on!!

L~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Writing Theme

Sunday. The reading yesterday really moved me.  I am so glad I went! There were some very amazing pieces. Very individual and personal stories that actually made me glad to be part of this tribe of writers. Woohoo!!

Monday. Today I spent an hour and half writing. I circled and circled around several pages because they're not working.  I wrote it out...and then wrote new sections...then crossed out big sections...then re-worked it again...and it's waiting to be typed into the manuscript.  But even as I write these words I still know it's not there yet. I'm hoping with the next pass it will begin to take better shape.  Ergh.

Tuesday.  Tomorrow I am going to see Tegan and Sara in concert.  Very excited!! I bought this tickets back in the spring and I'm finally...finally going to see them.  Very stoked!!  It's supposed to rain tomorrow and it's an outside venue so I haven't quite figured out what shoes to wear yet since I'm going directly after work. Hmmm.  Still thinking...can you smell the smoke?

That's all I've got for tonight.

Peace~
L**


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Sunday

Sunday. As I type these lines Pandora is lying next to my laptop trying to nudge me into giving her some more treats.  Her thyroid condition is still out of whack so she is HUNGRY ALL-THE-TIME.  She woke me up at five this morning to get her first meal of the day.  And then second breakfast happened 20 minutes ago.  Plus treats and meds. I'm hoping her meds will even her out soon.

Let's see I spent Saturday working on my novel. I didn't even tell myself that I was going to work on it, I just opened up the folder and opened up the document and I started typing. If I had known I was going to work on it, I would have convinced myself to do anything else. In the quiet of my basement room I was able to revise half a chapter.  *sigh* This is such a slow process because I'm realizing, I am a SLOW writer.  My friend Christine calls it SLOGGING.  Hahaha.  What a great word!  And yes, that is what it feels like at times. I sometimes lose the fire for the project.  It's just an ember sometimes waiting for a soft gust of wind to bring the fire back.  Anyway, at least I put in a couple of hours into it yesterday.

After I finish this entry, I am going to face the page again.  Wish me luck!! I'm just going to put a little bit of time and hopefully the story takes over.  I just have to get out of the way of the story to do that.  Ergh!  Easier said than done.

This afternoon, I'm going to a poetry reading at Nuyorican Cafe with a good friend.  That should be fun! Poetry readings always pick me up when language is used in interesting ways.

On Tuesday night I am going to see fun at Pier 26 come rain or shine.  But really I'm going mostly to see their opening act...Tegan and Sara!!  Yay!!! Very excited!!  Hopping around as I listen to their music. It's the only time that I think I'm part rabbit.  I hear their music and it makes me want to hop.  teehee!!

God less than two weeks and the month of July is over. The summer is going by so quickly. And this temp gig will end soon too.  Ergh!  I'm going to have to shift gears again and start sending out some fresh resumes.  But who's going to read them in August?  Most people will be off on vacation.  Okay not the time to panic...back to my writing.

Peace,
L~



All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Celeste and Jesse Forever

I know I am a year late with this but I finally saw the movie Celeste and Jesse Forever.

I absolutely LOVED this movie.  It was at times quirky but really smart in the way they handled a relationship breaking up.  Rashida Jones is EXCELLENT!! And I loved that she is a flawed human being in this movie.  Instead of a barbie cut-out who says all the right things and makes all the right moves.  There are these wonderful quiet moments that just break your heart. Anyway, if you haven't seen it...you have to check it out.
Sweet!  Enuf said.
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Crazy Week

This past week has been challenging but for a change I've been able to keep sight of the silver lining. Monday I was told that my temp gig was going to end the next day, Tuesday.  Then Tuesday came and they asked me to stay for another month. Then this week Pandora was really sick.  Lots of vet visits, trying different meds to get her stabilized and sheer panic at seeing her so sick. At one point I thought I would have to put her down and then a total reversal. New meds, some steroids, stronger anti-nauseus pills and Pandora is almost back to her old self.  Stressful but relieved that she's doing better. There is more on the personal side but taking some time to sort it out.  Writing is non-existent since the week has been so crazed. Need some time to recharge.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Resolved.

It's Sunday. Summer has barely begun and the days are so hot, I barely move.  I woke up writing lines of poetry in my head this morning. Now, I am sitting in front of a fan willing some synapses to fire to work on my novel. Pandora is curled up next to my computer.  She keeps me company when she thinks I'm getting ready for a long writing jag. I'm not sure that's really going to happen.  I am restless. I can hear the washing machine going in the back room. And the woman that I'm seeing is coming back into town later today and she's going to want to talk. Perhaps. The bravado I felt last night has abandoned me. Oh dear. So I need to keep busy. At the very least, work on something to get my mind from turning traitor. She gave me a catalog of new music to listen to and I haven't touch them yet. I didn't want the music to influence my resolve.
Peace,
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Odd Leaps

Helmut Newton, 1979

I've been dating again which is always odd at this stage in my life.  As I've gotten older, I'm realizing that I tend to be clearer about what I want and what I need from the kinds of relationships I enter. And communicating those wants, altho' at times is difficult, is necessary. When I was younger I just expected folks to read my mind, anticipate my needs and cater to me.  Isn't that what every little girl wants?

But god oh god, it's work to be upfront.  It takes effort to be even-keel enough to say, gosh this really isn't working and I'd like to re-negotiate some of the terms of this relationship. It really isn't easy, in fact it's downright uncomfortable and quite frankly sometimes those needs won't be met.  But it feels empowering to articulate those thoughts anyway.  I feel lit up from within because for a change I wasn't going to stay quiet. I've shed a few tears, spent time journaling through this process, and nothing is really resolved yet.

In fact, this feels more like the quiet before the storm but no matter what the outcome I'm putting into practice just being who I really am in a relationship.  The whole person part of me, both the vulnerable as well as the strong part of who I am. Glad I'm learning this lesson today and I'm sure I'll continue to work on this practice.  *big deep breath*  Just when I think I'm done taking big leaps...here presents a new opportunity.  Glad I haven't forgotten how to jump. :-)

Peace,

L~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Soggy Monday

July 1st. Monday. The day is wet and overcast and I am feeling soggy. My mood seems to be joining in with the weather.

On reading--Last week, I finished reading Neil Gaiman's new novel, The Ocean at the End of the Lane.  It was quite wonderful and there is this one moment, when I felt the writer looking into the abyss and the abyss looking back. It gave me goosebumps. It swallowed that book whole, I couldn't put it down. I admire his craft of writing.

On writing--I have to trust myself with my work...go out on that limb called faith...'cause right now I seem to be shying away from the writing. I spent last Friday writing up all my post-it notes for Indigo into a two-page cheat sheet to help keep me straight on characters and back stories. And there are so many holes...I'm afraid I am trying to plug the holes up while the dam is ready to break open. I seem to be continuing on the being all wet analogy.

On movies--Okay, I also went to see Much Ado About Nothing by my favorite writer/director, Joss Whedon.  It was really entertaining to see his modern version of this play in movie form. I'm not sure if it all of it worked but it was great to see so many actors from his previous shows join him in this venture.  I loved Nathan Fillion...he made me laugh the hardest but I think that was supposed to happen.  And Amy Acker as Beatrice really worked for me (she needs to be in a lot more movies) but I found Alexis Denisof's portrayal of Benedick a bit lackluster...with the exception of that one moment when he's working out and spouting his monologue. The act of working out helped his delivery of those lines. I really loved Denisof in Buffy and Angel and I wanted him to be funnier I guess.

On television--Lastly, Ray Donovan finally started on Sunday night on Showtime.  LOVE Liev Schrieber in this show...but more importantly Katherine Moennig is playing his assistant Lena. This woman is hot and I like her kick back acting vibe. God bless the working lesbians out (of the closet) in Hollywood!!

Peace,
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Reading...

It's 10:09 pm.   Almost the end of the day.

I finished reading Graham Joyce's new title, Some Kind of Fairy Tale.  It came out earlier this week.  It's the story about a woman, Tara Martin, who returns home after disappearing for twenty years.  When Joyce ventures into the Fey world he captures moments quite beautifully. This novel had some hits and misses for me.  Moments with thirteen year old Jack worked well.  And sad-sack Richie was handled nicely.  But the story felt uneven.  At times, it was missing some of the magic. I loved the quotes used at the beginning each chapter. When Tara becomes angry I am with her all the way and that was one of the stronger moments. I need to read more Joyce.

I'm still reading Ensouling Language. Taking it in slowly.

I've also been reading Kurt Vonnegut's Slapstick.  The story made me laugh out loud a few times while taking the train home from work.  But I've reached a point where the story went down the rabbit hole.  I'm not sure what to make of it yet.

That's all I really have for now...oh wait, one more thing...I really hate cardboard boxes.  Yep, now I'm done.

Peace,
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

An Empty Room

Monday. 1:44 pm.  I'm home with a migraine.  This move has me stressed out.  I'm not really sure why but all the synapses are freaking out at the moment.  I'm mostly packed so that's almost done. I'm pretty organized on what I have left to do.  I have my family helping me with the move next week so there's that.  I have a summer gig.  So why the freak out?  It's just this general anxiety worrying about ????  [fill in the blank] Worried about my Life...with a capital L.

My birthday is next week and I am feeling pretty shitty, angry and pathetic about myself at the moment. I really hate birthdays lately.  It's a reminder of all the things I still have not achieved, all the regrets from the past haunt my present, and all the possibilities for the future become a little more than fantasies marked under too far to reach lately.  I think I'm throwing myself a big old pity party today.  It goes with the migraine I guess. I've been feeling this way since Friday.  I shared it with my sister a bit yesterday and her advice was to just save money to buy my own place.  Ergh.

I just feel a bit empty today.  Despite the good things in my life, I can't help focus on what's not working.  A cold dark empty room is the only thing that feels good at the moment.  Anyway, that's all I've got for today.

Peace,
L~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Pressure Against the Wall

It's Monday and I spent most of the weekend packing.  I did take a break or two but, for the most part, my life has been revolving around boxes and putting things into them for my move on the 22nd.  I have two dozen boxes packed and two bookshelves broken down plus two cd shelves tied together and ready to be hauled.  Also the contents of my filing cabinet have been emptied into a box.  Everything I own in this world is in 24 boxes.  There are still clothes to pack and toiletries to put away and my altar to be packed but that will happen the night before my move.  I haven't included the big pieces of furniture in the tally: t.v. stand, the bed and my desk.  I'm leaving behind my favorite couch, ergh.  I am trying hard not to cling to things but the more I move, the more attached I've become to my stuff. It's the Cancer Crab (astrology) in me.  It's interesting to have packed things away and now living with less stuff around.  It reminds me that I can live simply without having to burden myself with material goods.  Really what's important to me is having pen and paper, my laptop and a good book to read when I've stopped walking around in circles.

I've been reading Ensouling Language: On the Art of NonFiction and the Writer's Life by Stephen Harrod Buhner.  His text inspires me to be a better writer.  He reminds me of the magic that goes into writing.  I sometimes get stuck in the mire of slogging through my own text and think to myself, "Really?  What's the Point?" Buhner's text reminds me that writing is about putting constant pressure on that wall to ensure a breakthrough.  I am reading his book and I feel understood.  The act of writing is such a lonely art.  We sit with our work trying to get the world that is in our heads to come through in coherent passages onto the page.  And there are times when the beauty that is in our brains just doesn't  translate properly onto paper.  It's incredibly frustrating. It takes a tremendous amount of faith to be vigilant with the writing and when I flounder, get stuck in the mire of it's-just-not-good-enough mentality, a book like Ensouling Language helps light a fire with my flagging energy.  At the end of the day, writing is more important than quitting.  Finishing this novel is necessary.  I've invested three years (and counting) into this manuscript and even though I still have a long way to go with it, I can't stop now.

I'm going back to an old routine that worked for me, getting up early mornings (4:30/5:00 am) to start my day writing.  Work for two hours on the novel then get ready for work.  I need a routine in place to keep me active on this story.  This is the only way I can put constant pressure 'til I feel that breakthrough again.  It will also help me through yet another time of transition.  Is it just me or have I gone through quite a few transitions lately?  Goodness!

That's all I have for now....more later.

L~
 

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Falling Off the Grid

I admit, I fell off the grid for awhile.  Been traveling a bit.  Was also looking for a new gig since I have a stack of bills staring me down.  Landed a temp gig down on Wall Street through my agency.  The job is perfect.  It's easy admin work and at the end of the day I can walk out of the building and not give the "work" another thought.  Today I finished out my first full week so a full paycheck by next Friday will come in handy.  I was told the gig is good until the end of August.  I have the next three months to find something a bit more permanent but in this economy a steady paycheck is enough for now.

Where to start?

Moving: In 16 days, I move from my current apartment in the Bronx back to Brooklyn.  Being out of work for two months left me needing to re-evaluate matters. I used up my piddly savings to pay for living expenses.  So I'm moving back in with the folks temporarily while I get this whole job/money deal sorted out.  Which is really kind of odd since they plan on selling their house in the next year or so.   Guess I'll figure that out when it's time.  Anyway, in the meantime I've been packing.  I've got a stack of boxes, comprised mostly of books, against the dining room wall.  It's strange to not have access to them. I know it will only be for a short time but I already miss the ability to grab a book at random just to read a passage.  I've whittled down my library every time I've moved and I'm down to about 10 medium boxes.  It's the object that I still spend money on acquiring. I keep sorting and re-sorting through papers and old journals and I keep wanting to chuck them but then my attachment to them stops me from doing it. Guess they go with me.

This whole transition time has me thinking about moving away from NYC to somewhere more remote. The problem with remote is lack of access to public transportation, 'cause altho' I have a driver's license, I really suck at the whole driving thing.  The idea of having to take care of a car and insurance payments and gasoline and whatever else it might need just does not appeal to me at all. So I guess I'm choosing to stay in a more urban setting. At times, I wouldn't mind living a simpler existence. Have less stuff but I'm not sure I could live out of a backpack tho'.  There are limits to my running away fantasies.  I'm not much of a camper.

Movie: Wednesday night I went to see the movie: The East.  It's another Brit Marling film altho' it was co-written with the director, Zal Batmanglij.  I've been waiting for this one for awhile now.  It's a decent flick but some of the storyline was problematic for me.  Sometimes, the dialogue got caught up in it's own sanctimonious bullshit.  I caught myself rolling my eyes a few times.  HOWEVER, what's underlying the actual story is this call-to-action social activism that I really dig.  I think Marling is still genius and I look forward to her next projects!!

Reading: While on vacation last week, I picked up the book Delirium by Lauren Oliver.  It's a young adult science fiction novel.  It's part of a trilogy: Delirium, Pandemonium & Requiem.  "In Delirium, the government requires that all teenagers be cured of love, a.k.a. deliria, to keep society safe. But 95 days before her treatment, Lena Haloway falls in love--and must face the truth about her own feelings and the world in which she lives." The writing at times has a lyrical quality that really made me savor the story. Oliver really captured that angst that comes with budding love.  I picked up her second book when I got back to the city and then downloaded the last novel onto my Nook.  I have to say the first novel was the best one for me because of the depth of emotion I felt while reading it. The second one was compelling but the writing was uneven for me. I finished the third novel today and hmmm....some of the story was satisfying and some of it was not.   

Writing:  I haven't been writing at all.  I've been trying to start a couple of new short stories but they won't come out.  Unfortunately, Indigo is still my obsession but I haven't been working on it either.  Which reminds me, I want to change the title...the title is starting to bug me.  I can't stop thinking about the story itself and my characters.  I just have to sit and write but I've been too active, too up-rooted, too social and doing everything else other than facing a revision of this novel.  I've been drinking with friends and going to movies instead.  Ergh.  Despite the fact the novel still calls to me.  I feel it constantly in the back of my brain, working, working out some of the problems.  But I need to take pen to paper or sit in front of my laptop and just start pounding on the keys.  I just need to get past my laziness and just take it one chapter at a time.  I can just feel that it's going to be a HUGE undertaking and I'm just not ready.

Play:  I went to see the play Relatively Speaking and I laughed so hard I could barely breathe.  I was up in the balcony section but I actually think the actors heard my hysterics.  I really love comedies based on misunderstandings and in this piece they were able to sustain the misunderstandings almost all the way through.  I want to know the craft behind that piece...perhaps I will break it down one day and figure out how it works.

Publication: I was notified a couple of weeks ago that Applause Books is going to take a monologue from Glass Knives and publish it in Best American Monologues.  How cool is that?!!  When I find out publication date, I'll let folks know.

All righty, I think that's all I have for the moment.  I've been sitting here for an hour trying to fill in all the blank spaces on this page.

Peace,
L~

P.S. Please forgive all typos and grammar problems.  I've realized lately that when I am writing off-the-cuff...the words are coming out before my thoughts have even formed.  It happens.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Impromptu Mexico

I am back from my impromptu trip to Mexico City to visit family.  It's been awhile since I last visited...almost 13 years.  My grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins treat me so well that I felt completely pampered.  They live simple humble lives but there is also a deep abiding love for family.  It was amazing.  I spent time cooking, helping out in the workshop and catching up with my cousins.  Most of my first cousins on my mother's side are married and have 2 or 3 kids.  Most of my first cousins on my dad's side are single and have either one kid or no kids to speak of.

My grandmother is getting on in years and I think she is lonely living in her house by herself.  Altho' my aunt and uncle live right next door, her worry is that she will slip and fall and no one will find her in time.  It's a valid concern since she suffers from low blood pressure.  She wondered if I would come and stay with her in Mexico.  For a fleeting moment, I considered it.  The problem is I have grad loans to pay off and trying to make a living to pay those loans off would be too difficult in Mexico's economy and the exchange rate being what it is, it just doesn't seem very feasible.  Anyway, I told her that I would do my best to go back in December to visit and stay with her for a couple of weeks and then bring her back with me to stay with my parents during the holiday season. It's a tentative plan and we're putting a pin in it until I get my job situation sorted out.

My aunt and uncle have a workshop where they sew knapsacks.  It's something they have done as long as I can remember.  In fact some of my fondest memories is of helping them out whenever I went to visit when I was younger. Some of their daughters still work with them and I pitched in when I could this past week.  I don't bother with the sewing though, they use industrial machines that quite frankly scare the crap out of me.  When I was little I accidentally sewed one of my cousin's fingers.  It was a terrible accident with lots of blood and screaming, his finger is crooked from they way the bone was snapped.  Ergh.  Should I state the obvious here and say that it's not the fondest memories I was writing about earlier.  Ergh...feeling queasy.

The city itself was congested with both people and traffic, so much so that everything is covered in this gritty soot from the nasty smog.  The few times we were traveling around the city the back of my throat burned from the acrid air.  The only times it let up was after a good rain and then the wind would pick up and clear things up for a moment.

It's taken me a couple of days to readjust to the time change and the climate change.  It was in the 80's in Mexico and I've come back to 60 degree weather.  Tonight I was supposed to go see Halestorm in concert and I opted out.  I can blame it on still being jet-lagged or something else but really my heart wasn't in it.  I'm sure it was probably one I shouldn't have missed but I've buried myself under my duvet instead.  Ostrich maneuver.

Last bit, I can't stop listening to Rihanna's song Stay ft. Mikky Ekko.  I love Ekko's voice against Rihanna's.  I kind of think I've mentioned this song before in a previous entry but either way here it is again.  Enjoy!

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Impending Mayhem

Cancun, 2006

It's been a busy week looking for a new gig.  The response is slow and that does stress me out a bit.  But next week it looks like I'm heading down to Mexico City to go visit relatives.  It's a much needed break to gain a little perspective. It's only for a week but I haven't been back in quite some time so it'll be good to connect again with my family. I may head out to Teotihuacan to visit the pyramids. It's one of my favorite places and it will help me loads.

I haven't spent any time on the novel this week.  The "not writing"is making me antsy. I've spent time journal writing but that doesn't seem to be quite enough.

Journal writing helps offset some of the stress of being out of work.  It's a place where I can bitch and whine and get that angst out of my system.  It helps me from acting out impulsively. It steadies me in the face of this new reality.  So it does help somewhat.  But it's up against that part of me that wants to be MORE productive.  Notice the capital letters...the same emphasis happens in my head.

I've been reading books and articles on a new way of looking at the world economy and taking ecological factors into the equation. Finite resources are impacting the way we think of GROWTH  in this world and there are some countries who are looking at a sustainable steady-state economics instead of a growth economy as a possibility.  It's A LOT of new information and I'm trying to take it in and process it but I have to write it out.  I want to use this new information for my next novel but how I'm going to integrate it into fiction...I'm not quite sure just yet.  Makes my stomach churn with nervous energy.  Perhaps that's what I'll start working on while I'm down in Mexico.  Just hash it out in some free-write exercises to see what comes up and out onto the page.  Oooo now I'm excited.

Anyway, I've been working at eating better and exercising more.  The healthy diet is coming along.  I've lost a couple of more lbs.  Yay! The exercising is still a bit rockier for me.  I just have an unbearable block about it.  I'll be good for a series of classes and then I quit.  No rhyme or reason...just quit.  Ergh!  It's a bit annoying.

Let's see tomorrow I'm going to be baby-sitting my nieces for the weekend.  Heaven help me!!  I have a 5 year old and a 7 year old to entertain for two days.  Eeeek!!  Hehehe.  I'm sure it will be fine. I've just finished picking up foods and snacks for them.  I also picked up a slew of markers and drawing paper so we can have some creativity time.  I keep having to remind myself that I need to pick up more children's books because they like a good story time.  Perhaps I need to go relish the quiet apartment because tomorrow it will be mayhem.

Peace,
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Cat Power - Manhattan

Just because I dig Cat Power!  And I love that this video plays with NYC in the backdrop.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Of Monsters and Men – Love Love Love

I’ve been listening to Of Monsters and Men album for a while now.  Usually I play it in the background while I write.  Then the other day, I heard this song Love Love Love for the first time.  I mean I really listened to this song and it struck a chord in me. 

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

April Showers

This week was a bit of a wash for me.  I spent the better part of the week with an on-again/off-again migraine which makes it difficult to do much of anything. I did go to see Lianne La Havas on Tuesday even with the migraine.  I enjoyed her music nonetheless. As far as the rest of the week was concerned, yoga was out of the question because inversions make me want to hurl. Once the thunderstorm passed on Wednesday the pressure finally began to subside.  I've been a bit down over my little break-up, I received a package of the things they borrowed from me.  Ergh!  Never a good feeling.
Anyway, I did a little reading, watched a little t.v., sent out a few resumes...tomorrow I'm meeting with my writing group.  I am really looking forward to it.  In the meantime....I'm just waiting for the pain to subside.
Peace,
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

La Havas in concert

On Tuesday night, I went to see Lianne La Havas perform at Webster Hall.  The concert was fantastic because her voice is crazy wonderful.  The first floor was packed and I was up on the second floor to get a better view.  The tall woman in front of me was a bit annoying but I managed to get a partial view of her performance.  It was enough to listen to La Havas perform live.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

April - First Week Overload

Monday— I took a day to myself and I went to see a little indie flick called Mental with a friend.  I absolutely loved Toni Collette in it.  It’s a dark comedy and I really enjoyed it.  Afterwards, we went to have drinks and just chatted the afternoon away.  I under-estimated how cold it was going to be so I was chilled to the bone.  Still, it felt good to be a bit decadent and enjoy an afternoon. 

Tuesday—I spent the day working on my novel.  After finding out that I lost pages again, I decided not to throw a pity part for myself.  I just put my head down and wrote up another 45 pages.  I didn’t even bother proofing the pages before I sent it out to my writing group.  Next Saturday is my turn to present.  Hopefully, it’s not all crap.  And even if it is…rewriting is always possible. 

Wednesday—I spent the day sending out resumes.  Job hunting is not much fun. I also broke things off with the new person I’ve been dating which was a bummer.  Definitely not my best day.  Boy, did that make me grumpy.   

Thursday—I spent the afternoon at MOMA to check out the Abstract exhibit. Overall, it was a decent collection.  For the first time, I actually appreciated Mondrian’s work.  Mostly I was reminded that Professor Horrigan really liked his work because he found it peaceful.  Isn’t it interesting how someone else’s appreciation helps you take a fresh look at a body of work. Mondrian has never been one of my favorites but I think I’m seeing his paintings with new eyes. 

There is also a beautiful blue watercolor by O’Keefe that took my breath away.  I’m attaching it here but the pic does not do the original justice. 

Blue II by Georgia O'Keefe, 1916

There were some mixed-media paintings that I found really interesting because I think layers are wonderful.   

There is also an Edvard Munch exhibit that I spent some time on.  I remember creating a lithograph very similar to the Scream.  It was amazing to study the actual piece up close. 

And of course, I sat in front of a Pollock.  It always feels like I’m visiting a friend.  As I sat there and watched visitors trying to take pics of his work, I realized that trying to capture that painting is just impossible.  Digital pics only flattens out the piece.  I sat there and took it in.  The painting definitely soothed me from my blues.

Friday—I spent the day embroidering.  Okay, this is definitely a girly girl thing to do but there was a couple of pieces in the Abstract exhibit that used embroidery as part of the medium.  I’m not very good at it but for the small piece that I’m working on it’s fine.  I wish I had smaller hoops but a 3” hoop is as small as they go.  Anyway, my fingertips hurt today from poking myself with the needle.  Argh!!  And there is blood on the cloth from the deep pokes…I’m not sure there is a way of incorporating drops of blood into the piece. Hehehe. 

Music-- I keep playing this song Open by Rhye over and over again.  It's haunting me today.  

Okay this is more than enough info for now.

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.