Pressure Against the Wall

It's Monday and I spent most of the weekend packing.  I did take a break or two but, for the most part, my life has been revolving around boxes and putting things into them for my move on the 22nd.  I have two dozen boxes packed and two bookshelves broken down plus two cd shelves tied together and ready to be hauled.  Also the contents of my filing cabinet have been emptied into a box.  Everything I own in this world is in 24 boxes.  There are still clothes to pack and toiletries to put away and my altar to be packed but that will happen the night before my move.  I haven't included the big pieces of furniture in the tally: t.v. stand, the bed and my desk.  I'm leaving behind my favorite couch, ergh.  I am trying hard not to cling to things but the more I move, the more attached I've become to my stuff. It's the Cancer Crab (astrology) in me.  It's interesting to have packed things away and now living with less stuff around.  It reminds me that I can live simply without having to burden myself with material goods.  Really what's important to me is having pen and paper, my laptop and a good book to read when I've stopped walking around in circles.

I've been reading Ensouling Language: On the Art of NonFiction and the Writer's Life by Stephen Harrod Buhner.  His text inspires me to be a better writer.  He reminds me of the magic that goes into writing.  I sometimes get stuck in the mire of slogging through my own text and think to myself, "Really?  What's the Point?" Buhner's text reminds me that writing is about putting constant pressure on that wall to ensure a breakthrough.  I am reading his book and I feel understood.  The act of writing is such a lonely art.  We sit with our work trying to get the world that is in our heads to come through in coherent passages onto the page.  And there are times when the beauty that is in our brains just doesn't  translate properly onto paper.  It's incredibly frustrating. It takes a tremendous amount of faith to be vigilant with the writing and when I flounder, get stuck in the mire of it's-just-not-good-enough mentality, a book like Ensouling Language helps light a fire with my flagging energy.  At the end of the day, writing is more important than quitting.  Finishing this novel is necessary.  I've invested three years (and counting) into this manuscript and even though I still have a long way to go with it, I can't stop now.

I'm going back to an old routine that worked for me, getting up early mornings (4:30/5:00 am) to start my day writing.  Work for two hours on the novel then get ready for work.  I need a routine in place to keep me active on this story.  This is the only way I can put constant pressure 'til I feel that breakthrough again.  It will also help me through yet another time of transition.  Is it just me or have I gone through quite a few transitions lately?  Goodness!

That's all I have for now....more later.

L~
 

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