An Empty Room

Monday. 1:44 pm.  I'm home with a migraine.  This move has me stressed out.  I'm not really sure why but all the synapses are freaking out at the moment.  I'm mostly packed so that's almost done. I'm pretty organized on what I have left to do.  I have my family helping me with the move next week so there's that.  I have a summer gig.  So why the freak out?  It's just this general anxiety worrying about ????  [fill in the blank] Worried about my Life...with a capital L.

My birthday is next week and I am feeling pretty shitty, angry and pathetic about myself at the moment. I really hate birthdays lately.  It's a reminder of all the things I still have not achieved, all the regrets from the past haunt my present, and all the possibilities for the future become a little more than fantasies marked under too far to reach lately.  I think I'm throwing myself a big old pity party today.  It goes with the migraine I guess. I've been feeling this way since Friday.  I shared it with my sister a bit yesterday and her advice was to just save money to buy my own place.  Ergh.

I just feel a bit empty today.  Despite the good things in my life, I can't help focus on what's not working.  A cold dark empty room is the only thing that feels good at the moment.  Anyway, that's all I've got for today.

Peace,
L~


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