Sleepy

It's Thursday afternoon and I'm sleepy. There is work to be done but I'd rather be sleeping. I have a reminder pop up for me to take care of something but I've put it to snooze for another hour. I'm back after taking off 4 work days and I'm having a hard time getting back into work mode. It's like my brain is stuck on relax mode. I have an hour and a half left for the day but I'm not sure I can make it past the finish line today. I'll be on my own tomorrow. Most of my team is taking the day off. It should be fine, just need to kick myself into gear. I think the heat, my sunburn, planetary alignment are all working against me today. Ha! 

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2020 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Happy New Year

First, let me say out loud that I'm NOT in a mood...it's just my resting bitch face. It can't be helped. I want to complain about my day job but I'm not really allowed to post specifics...insert black-out text here.

Have you ever woken up in a really good mood; the sun is just starting to rise, there is an excellent mug of caffeine in hand and things just feel promising? You enter the office and someone's lack of organizational skills and foresight is in direct conflict with your own. And their lack of skills has their work summarily dumped into your lap. After you've cleared the proverbial dust from old files, you are thinking Hell No! But somehow that work is now YOURS. And it's now priority because it is material that should have been handled years ago. Hmm!

Perhaps, just perhaps, this situation has left me feeling a bit perturbed...pissed off...pitching a fit inside my head...so here's my Serenity Prayer on this Thursday night...

 me.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2020 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Beautiful

It's a damp, cool October night, a full moon is out and the clouds obscure it so that there are only slivers of moon peeking through.  I walked down a tree-lined block in Brooklyn at 10:30 pm. I went to see Beautiful, The Carole King musical. I have such a soft spot for musicals and although it didn't give me the emotional payoff that I usually look for in musicals...it was still quite wonderful. I love singer songwriters and seeing her influence in music.


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2019 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge - Hoorah!

I am obsessed with Phoebe Waller-Bridge at the moment. I have gone through two seasons of Fleabag, a season of Killer Eve, and a season of Crashing. There is more work out there...so can't wait to dig my teeth into her other works. I follow writers like most people follow actors or musicians.  Love her voice and her sense of humor.  Can't wait!  

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2019 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Bank Holiday

It's a rainy Monday. I slept like the dead last night and woke up 11 hours later. I don't usually sleep that much...in fact it's been quite some time since I've been able to sleep that long. All the windows in my living room are open. A quiet breeze comes through from time to time but this humidity is making me a bit lazy. I am sipping a cup of sweet, milky tea...and I'm almost ready for a second cup. It's early afternoon and I don't really have plans for today. That's not a bad thing.

I'm listening to Ed Sheeran/Justin Beiber's song, I Don't Care. I would put up their silly little video but I can't bear to watch it again. Ooo, I will put up Black Eyed Peas, Be Nice.  It's such a swaggy song that I can't stop listening to it. Enjoy! 

Thunder rumbled in the distance. Storm clouds are moving in. Time to go.

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2019 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Sunday morning

I know, I know..it's been awhile. C'est la vie. I went to Paris for a long weekend in March and I think a part of me stayed there. It's been difficult getting back into the swing of my life. I've been super stressed out over work, friends, family, career and my writing.  It's strange. Sometimes the fit of my life is a bit too tight and I can't breathe. This past week I've been plagued with migraines. A full week of low grade migraines which meant I was functional and at work even with the pain. Then Thursday the full blown one came crashing down and had me out for the count. On Friday, I was a bit of a zombie but functional and then Saturday was another full blown migraine again. A rebound migraine. What crap. Today I feel a bit more awake but I can feel the muscles and bones beneath my skin in my face. It's a odd thing to be hyper aware of the spaces that were in pain all week. There is a dull, throb in my head but it's so dull I wouldn't even call it pain.
One of my sisters is coming over and I'm cooking up some brunch for us. Spicy chorizo with scrambled eggs and mashed black beans. It's the first day in four days that I actually have an appetite so I can't wait. In the meantime, I am sipping on a large mug of Earl Grey tea. All for now...
Lily~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2018 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

A Solid Fifty Pages

I spent the day writing today, even with a bloody migraine.  Even with my sister stopping by with pizza and wanting to watch Stranger Things.  Man! Am I enjoying that series.  But I digress. I spent the morning writing before she got here. Then after she left, I spent the evening writing about 6.5 hours total.  I am up to 50 pages. I have 10 pages left to hit my minimum page count. I am well aware that this is a first draft. That I want to develop the piece out, flesh out the characters, delve a bit deeper...but it has good bones. At least, I hope it does.

My muse was chomping at the bit today but she grew tired when I hit 10:30 pm. She gave a big yawn and she told me to run along, we would do more tomorrow.  Then she drew her shade down around her chaise lounge and fell into a deep sleep. I'll let her rest for now...I hope she'll be able to manage a bit more tomorrow morning so I can finish this draft. Thursday is the deadline. Eek! Okay, the fear is starting to set in so I'm going to sign off before that beast is fed. 

Feel the fear and write anyway. 
Peace,
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2018 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

I need a break...

You ever had one of those really shitty days at work where you start questioning your existence on this planet? Seriously!  What's the point of it all really? There has got to be a better way.  A better way of making ends meet. A better way of living a life worth living. A better way of having more time for the things I want to be doing instead of waiting until I retire in order to do them. Good g*d d**n, tonight I want something more, something different, something other than what I have at this present moment. I'm not being ungrateful. I'm just pissed off at where I am, what I'm doing, f**k sake take me off this mindless hamster wheel.

I've decided to stop swimming against the current and I'm taking myself out of the river altogether. I need to sit in quiet contemplation to calm my s**t down and find a new opportunity or create the kind of opportunity I want in my life. It might be time for me to pull up roots and start a new chapter somewhere else because this just isn't working for me tonight.

Rant over...I'm hiding under my duvet until I have a better reason to get out of bed other than my stupid day job.  Peace~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2018 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Sunday afternoon in February

Let's see I've spent the day writing.  I've needed to work on a new scene/play for an upcoming deadline and I found that I have nothing to say. Isn't that strange? Me? Not have anything to say?  Seriously?  I didn't get anywhere with that piece.

I also worked on a couple of poetry pieces. I have one hanging in the draft mode on this blog. Not ready to pull the trigger on it yet. However, I did submit some new poetry pieces to an online magazine. I guess that's something right?

I've had the apartment to myself and I like the ability to stretch out without my roommate around.

I am sitting at my desk, sipping a big cup of hot earl grey tea, a small desk light on, looking out the window. The day is grey and dim but I'm feeling at peace with the world today. I'm listening to James Bay playing in the background.  Someone snap a pic, quick. It's def worth making a note here about it. Since most days I'm full of angst and worries over not getting enough writing done. Today, I am not. :-)  Time to go finish a journal entry and then dinner.  OM!
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2018 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

walking backwards

searching out thin fleeting

thought, chasing rabbits down

slippery holes, grasping web

lines to piece together some

semblance of rational thought

painkillers dull the brain, making

zombies out of creative souls

who's knocking on the door

has anybody seen where all

the wasted love has gone, be

careful with sharp edges

marks of canine and cat

etched into bone marrow,

long jagged marks sit beneath

the skin, pretend you never

loved anyone else once upon

a time, blame the happily ever

after its gone sour, another

midnight hour, we were blind

lovers grasping for each other

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2018 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

you got me going

i want to share with you something more, a line, a word, a turn of phrase that reminds you of me, of a time long ago, of the time when we were glad to see each other, the time before the storms, or being in the midst of one together, we were thunder and lighting rattling the windows down, no one believes me when i speak of you, they thought you were a figment of my imagination, so let it be, let that time be just mine, and yours, just for me, just for you, behind closed doors and shuttered windows, enclosed in a space of just us, no one understands, no one was really supposed to, we were only for each other, only for a time, and in that moment...that moment was forever.


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2018 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Tuesday Tidbit

A rainstorm unfolded on this Tuesday morning. My sister saw lightning, I did not. I love watching the way the sky changes. By the end of the day, the sun cut through the cloud cover, lit up oranges and yellows leaving the gray underside of the clouds awash in blue and purple hues. I didn't try to capture a pic, instead I took it in for a good long while.


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2018 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

gray morning

it's a gray morning and the office is quiet. i have no idea what my workload looks like because I am too busy staring out the window watching the sky. my muse is pitching a fit, cursing me out, trying to get a rise out of me. we are not on speaking terms at the moment despite her complaints. her expectations are unrelenting and the needle on my motivation is on empty. why, you ask. ideas float around the ether above my head, swirling around, tempting me, taunting me but when it's time to pin the words down on paper i find them slipping away like mercury. it's like waking up from a vivid dream, as soon as you start thinking about the details, the story escapes out the open window, never to be heard from again. my muse cries and cries wanting attention and all i do is drink wine and smoke the evening away. she threatens to leave and i shrug my shoulders and tell her, "so leave." she undresses instead and stays the night. i am neglectful, she will leave eventually and the story will wither on the vine. it's only a matter of time.




All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2017 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

summer showers

staring out the window, watching the sky. clouds move in sweeping arcs. rain comes down in blinding sheets. don't care what comes out of your mouth today. don't care what sounds you have uttered before. open wide, point upward, fill yourself up. tell all the travelers i'm dead. turn around, listen to the noise, escape unscathed once more. when you think of love, do you think of me? thunder moves through unrepentant. you're the reason why i feel at all. striking light across my eyes. you unfold sideways waiting for a reply that won't come anymore.


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2017 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

an unanswered call

I used to be better about keeping up with this web log. Lately, it's been relegated to the bottom of my to-do list...you remember, that same list that I was going to tear up. Part of it has been my day job has been keeping me busy so the last thing I want to do at night is get on a computer. Another part of it has been this blog was always supposed to be about the creative process, yes some personal tidbits would fall in but for the most part it was about creativity.  Since I have NOT been working creatively, well let's just say I have less to write about.

I have been actively reading...I just finished The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls. It was an interesting read because she told her story in a matter-of-fact way. Her background as a reporter helped create some distance so that her story never felt self-pitying. And there was a couple of heartbreaking moments that resonated long after I closed the book. Well worth the read. 

I haven't started reading a new book yet. I have quite a few of them piled up by my bedside. My brain won't turn off long enough to take on a new book. The grey matter has been beating down my door trying to get me to work on something of my own. And for some reason, I keep ignoring the call. It reminds me of this fact: "the universe will throw pebbles to get your attention, and if you don't answer the call it will throw rocks, and if you don't answer the call it will throw bricks, etc, etc."  Where is that from? Probably Oprah. Well the whole damn sky is about to rip open and I'm still navel gazing, pulling the old ostrich maneuver, unable to muster a good god damn to make anything happen. Why?

There is no good reason, only lame excuses and why bore you with those. My muse is dancing on the sidelines asking me to come play and I am picking at the peeling wallpaper replying, "I don't wanna." Bah! Even I get a bit impatient with myself. 
Peace,
L~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2017 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

080117 16:36:00

I'm in a sulky mood today and I've had too much caffeine. Which makes me want to throw a temper tantrum. You know the kind where you throw yourself on the floor, kicking and screaming. Is it over a specific reason?  Not necessarily.  Just feeling frustrated down to my bones.  I am overworked and on slow days like today I have a difficult time standing still.

I went onto Goodreads, which is a great resource when looking for decent book recommendations, and I read a number of excerpts and story arc blurbs...bah! And I saw the long list of titles by an author or two and think to myself, "where do they find the time?" Good lord, I've been working on Indigo for 7 years...and I'm ready to throw the whole project into a shredder. * head in hands *

Note to self: do not drink iced coffee after 3 pm EVER. I feel like a LIVE WIRE! I don't usually drink coffee but someone showed me how to use the espresso machine...so I made myself an iced coffee with a shot of espresso. Now my face feels like it's going to crack off.

I'm currently reading The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. The writing is strong so I'm enjoying this memoire. I know it's supposed to come out in movie form soon but I think I'll skip the movie.


All for now,
L~



All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2017 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

pointy knives

i spent the evening writing. a shoddy paragraph and a healthy journal entry. i've needed some downtime to bitch and whine on the page. i can feel my patience waning lately. i've spent a lot of time giving of myself and not doing enough to replenish my spirit. my muse is sulky and in quite a mood so i am doing my best to give her a chance (and some much needed space) to throw her temper tantrum. after a couple of hours she's finally subdued in the corner. still sulking but at least no longer coming at me with daggers. her knives are pointy. in the meantime, i've been listening to ben howard, city and colour, pearl & the beard, james bay, bon iver, the lumineers and daughter to keep me company while i try to extrapolate some coherent thoughts onto the page. i think i'm done for the night tho'. squeezed dry. tomorrow i will try for another shitty first draft.


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2017 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

9:09 pm

woke up on the other side of okay.
tiny orchid on a ledge, burnt leaves
and dried roots. warm air skims in
lazy circles leaving me drowsy.
storm clouds gather in the distance.
she howls into a mic diving into a fall.
firecrackers echo in the streets.
a soul burning with wildfire
as the night sky lights up.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2017 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

mediocrity

i never wanted an ordinary life. i wanted more. i hungered for more. the problem with more is that what i have, at any given moment, is never enough. a face reflected in a window. i thought it was ambition, striving to be better than common mediocrity. perhaps it's just snobbery. perhaps i think i am better than...but that's a lie. sitting under the living room fan listening to city and colour play in the background, i am hungry. not for food. for more. i feel it down to the bones in my jaw. an ache. a void so deep it makes me wince...it creates a sharp pain that reminds me that what i'm doing is not enough. heat does not mix well with bone-crushing disappointment in one self.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2017 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Let It Matter - Johnnyswim

It's Thursday, right before a holiday weekend. I'm taking several days off from the day job. I'm in a weird mood. Anxious. Restless. Wanting...something. The sky outside is filled with heavy clouds and it looks like it will thunderstorm later today. Could that be it? Electric current in the air. Hmm. I feel on the verge of a full blown migraine. It's been over three weeks since my last migraine.  I think this is the longest I've gone without one in the past two years.
Let's see, it's been a week since I've sat down to work on my writing. Perhaps that's where the restlessness is coming from. My muse is calling me and I've been ignoring her for far too long. There are slivers of story ideas trying to make their way to the surface and I've been snoozing. The alarm clock keeps going off in the background and I am having a hard time waking up enough to allow those slivers onto a page. What a waste.


Jumping subjects...I've been listening to the duo Johnnyswim and their sound is quite beautiful. This video is an acoustic version of LET IT MATTER and I can't stop listening to it. Her voice is delicious with a soulful, bluesy flavor.  Enjoy~ L

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2017 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.