I need a break...

You ever had one of those really shitty days at work where you start questioning your existence on this planet? Seriously!  What's the point of it all really? There has got to be a better way.  A better way of making ends meet. A better way of living a life worth living. A better way of having more time for the things I want to be doing instead of waiting until I retire in order to do them. Good g*d d**n, tonight I want something more, something different, something other than what I have at this present moment. I'm not being ungrateful. I'm just pissed off at where I am, what I'm doing, f**k sake take me off this mindless hamster wheel.

I've decided to stop swimming against the current and I'm taking myself out of the river altogether. I need to sit in quiet contemplation to calm my s**t down and find a new opportunity or create the kind of opportunity I want in my life. It might be time for me to pull up roots and start a new chapter somewhere else because this just isn't working for me tonight.

Rant over...I'm hiding under my duvet until I have a better reason to get out of bed other than my stupid day job.  Peace~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2018 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

I Woke Up Sideways Today

I woke up sideways today, that is too say my perspective is skewed and morose. It’s a dark, overcast day and it’s supposed to start raining any minute. Perhaps, I didn’t sleep very well. I woke up to a strange sound in my apartment. As if a swarm of locusts had invaded the living room. Or the sound of bat wings flapping against the living room walls. I might have been dreaming but it woke me straight up out of bed and I could feel a cold fear in the pit of my stomach as I went out into the living room to check. I was actually surprise when there was nothing there other than my cat Pandora sprawled out on the table. After I removed her from the table, I went back to bed and listened to the sounds of fire engines race down the street outside my window for ten minutes. *sigh * It was well after 1:30 before I finally went to sleep only to be woken up by my cat knocking the remote control off my desk and breaking it into a dozen pieces as it hit the wood floor at 5:30 in the morning. I should’ve just stayed up. Anyway, I’m in a rotten mood and despite the strong coffee I’ve had, I’ve been trying to wake up while I listen to Mozart’s opera, Don Giovianni. Dramatic much?

Anyway, I found out yesterday that I didn’t get a writing grant that I tried out for, Ergh! Chalk up another rejection letter. It would have been a substantial amount, one I could have used to allow me some time to write without having to work full time. It’s disheartening to say the least. Intellectually, I know the odds were not in my favor, I was one in 4,000+ applicants. There are folks more established, with more of a track record, hell…with more talent. Every time I get a rejection letter I just grumble and pace in front of my computer. It reminds me of that line in Brokeback Mountain, “I wish I could quit you.” Very dramatic I know. And to be clear, I don’t want to quit because of the rejection letter. I think it just brings up all my old insecurities and they flutter around me, spiral me away from the work. The work that I’ve needed to reconstruct after losing my hard drive two weeks ago. I know its par for the course but damn it to hell I really wish that hadn’t happened. I’m being abstract but not on purpose. The self-doubts double in size on days like this. I begin to question the work and how good or bad it is and whether or not I should be doing it at all. Even as I write this…I’m bubbling up with emotions because there is nothing else I’d rather be doing. But it’s so far from finished. In the two years since I’ve started working on this novel, there are other writers who have written two and three full-length novels. It’s not a race…it’s not a race…it’s not a race.  But the hungry, ambitious part of me wants this project to be done so I can start on the next one. 

So now I am sitting at my desk, my palms pressing into my eyeballs, trying to stop the self-pity from taking center stage. I’m frustrated. I know I promised not to whinge on this blog and for the most part, I do my best to keep a lot of this out but today is the exception to the rule. I’m on edge and I just need to rattle this out in hopes of getting back on track afterwards. I am going to spend the afternoon writing maybe, just maybe, this feeling will pass.

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2012 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Evita - What was That?!

Let me start off this entry by writing-- I get that I had big, billowy, clouds of expectations for Evita. After all, I’ve wanted to see this show since I was 8 years old. When the music began to rise for Requiem for Evita, I had goosebumps from sheer excitement. The big headed man who sat in front of me wouldn’t sit still so I had to perch on the edge of my seat to see the opening number, and the rest of the show for that matter.  I also had to resist the urge to hit him in the back of the head with my playbill for a good part of the show. Then Ricky Martin came out and started singing. He has a decent voice and he pulled it off...but he lacked emotional depth for me. He’s a Latin man for goodness sake, emotional depth is in our DNA! Anyway, he reminded me of the kind of Broadway singer that uses jazz hands. He did lots of assertive pointing when he sang, which when I think about it now actually makes me giggle. Having said all that, he was okay for the part of Che. I just wanted more heat and tension between Che and Eva and it just wasn’t there.

Which brings me to my next point, Elena Roger playing the part of Eva was SO disappointing. Ergh! I mean her voice was NOT meant for this part. She sounded like Edith Piaf throughout the show (and not in a good way) as she shouted through the better part of the musical. Roger also hit some really bad notes when she tried to reach those higher octaves. The sound she made actually made me cringe. Believe me, I understand that this is not an easy musical. However, it didn’t help that her very thick accent got in the way of the songs. If I didn’t know almost every song in this show, I would not have understood half of what she sang. I know she’s been working with diction coaches but let’s just say she needs more work. I think her one decent moment was the last song, “Lament” because quite frankly it was the only song she couldn’t shout her way through. *sad sigh* 

Just to give you a measuring stick, remember the movie version of Evita with Madonna and how god-awful she was in it...let's just say that Madonna sounded half-way decent in comparison to Elena Roger's shrieking version. Yep, it was that bad!! 

And another thing, I think the music director hit the fast forward button during the first act. Quite frankly, some of it was Roger singing ahead of the music. Other times the timing of the music felt almost manic, like they were racing for the intermission. Either way, it went by so fast that there was no time to make those very important connections between characters. Ergh!

What worked

Rachel Potter singing the Mistress song, “Another Suitcase in Another Hallway” was by far the highlight of this production. Her voice was nuanced and beautiful. She absolutely shined in this one moment. Lovely.

The Ensemble was amazing both in voice and in dance. During the seduction scene between Peron and Eva, there were several ensemble members dancing a gorgeous tango. I almost wanted the leads to shut up so I can enjoy the dance sequence. Rob Ashford’s choreography was AMAZING!! Loved it.

Max von Essen was the right amount of charming and smarmy as Magaldi. His voice was ridiculous (in a good way). Wish he was on stage longer.

So here is my confession, I may go see it again when Roger’s understudy performs. Wednesday night or Saturday matinee. I really want to experience this show without a pained expression on my face. Is that wrong?  Let's see if I can score some cheap tickets because there is NO way I'm shelling out full price for this show. Anyway, Go! Make some beautiful music. End Scene.


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2012 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.