Odd Leaps

Helmut Newton, 1979

I've been dating again which is always odd at this stage in my life.  As I've gotten older, I'm realizing that I tend to be clearer about what I want and what I need from the kinds of relationships I enter. And communicating those wants, altho' at times is difficult, is necessary. When I was younger I just expected folks to read my mind, anticipate my needs and cater to me.  Isn't that what every little girl wants?

But god oh god, it's work to be upfront.  It takes effort to be even-keel enough to say, gosh this really isn't working and I'd like to re-negotiate some of the terms of this relationship. It really isn't easy, in fact it's downright uncomfortable and quite frankly sometimes those needs won't be met.  But it feels empowering to articulate those thoughts anyway.  I feel lit up from within because for a change I wasn't going to stay quiet. I've shed a few tears, spent time journaling through this process, and nothing is really resolved yet.

In fact, this feels more like the quiet before the storm but no matter what the outcome I'm putting into practice just being who I really am in a relationship.  The whole person part of me, both the vulnerable as well as the strong part of who I am. Glad I'm learning this lesson today and I'm sure I'll continue to work on this practice.  *big deep breath*  Just when I think I'm done taking big leaps...here presents a new opportunity.  Glad I haven't forgotten how to jump. :-)

Peace,

L~


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