The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

I am in a mood today.  Not sure where it's coming from or what's bothering me at the moment, but I'm in a bit of a snit.  The thing is I don't have anything to complain about at the moment.  I've addressed some issues that have popped up (for a change, instead of letting them fester), I've reached out to friends for support and advise (check), cooked healthy foods for myself (check), taken walks to clear my head (check).  So where is the funky stink mood coming from?  Ergh!! 
 
I've tried some retail therapy but that hasn't work out lately.  I've bought three pairs of shoes in the last three months only to return them as soon as I get them home.  My flat Sasquash feet don't fit into anything pretty.  And since I'm not 20 anymore...wearing dr. marten's with dresses just doesn't look right. *sigh* 

I've lost 16 lbs up until last week and today I'm back up 3 lbs...*frustrating*  My sister says she can see the weight loss...unfortunately, I don't.  * grumble, grumble *

I have an idea for another story about desire and obsession.  Last night, I sat down at my desk to quickly sketch out the story.  It was just to get down the overall idea. But somewhere between sketching out the idea, my direction changed and I was trying to block out the story and the writing was just terrible.  Big clunky phrasing that reminded me of undergraduate work. I balled everything up and threw it out.  I'll have to go back tonight and fish it out of the wastepaper basket...in hopes of salvaging the idea itself.  I'm frustrated with writing lately.  It's like holding a finger down on a bruise.  It hurts but I can't help but do it, write, that is.  I know there are hills and valleys to my process...just sometimes wish there were more peaks than troughs.  Maybe that is where the mood is coming from...wanting the writing to be better than what it is currently. 

On the bright side, today is Friday.  I'm having dinner with my sister and her boyfriend at one of our favorite Korean restaurants.  Yummy Kimchi and Dolsot BiBamBop, can't wait.  I think I'll walk around Bryant Park a couple of times during my lunch break to help with the funky mood.  It's a warm, bright day...I may as well take it in before winter sets in.  
I'm not in the mood to work (day job) today. Instead, I just want to pile everything up in the corner of my desk and try my hand at that story again.  See if I can piece together the impulse with the act of writing. Wish me luck. 

All for now,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2012 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Literary Geeks Rise Up!

The last couple of days I have been spring cleaning.  I know it's late summer but I just have a need to clear out the clutter. No, I'm not procrastinating on the writing. I actually need to make some space on my desk to actually do it. Anyway, I've set a pile of books to give away and leave in random places so folks can pick them up.  Hopefully I won't get a ticket for littering. I have another pile of books to ship out to friends, returning things that I've held on for a long while...hmmm.  And I know there is more to get rid of.  Desk drawers and file cabinets full of random wires and old electronic equipment and past magazines that need to be read or thrown out.

Earlier today I read the following Joss Whedon article on Wired (May 2012): http://www.wired.com/underwire/2012/05/joss-whedon/
For crying out loud, Whedon quotes Roland Barthes... this is the point when the literary geek girl in me swoons.  Loved the article, completely inspired me and I enjoyed even reading about those moments of insecurity when he works on his projects.  He talks about his success, his misfires and about his writing craft.  LOVED IT!!

On the train ride home, I was reading Patricia Highsmith's The Price of Salt.  I'm midway through this novel and I wish I had  known about this writer sooner in my life.  The way she handles the internal dialogue of the protagonist is doing my head in (in a good way).  There is so much internal strife and she handles it delicately between a handful of lines.  Beautifully done. Can't wait to read more.  Altho' my eyes feel like they might pop out of my head from too much computer/reading/writing today.

Lastly, tonight I spent the night working on my novel.  I wrote for three hours (1,500 words) and I feel good, decent and productive.  While I was on the train reading Highsmith...something about my novel clicked for me.  I realized how to introduce the betrayal that I've been struggling with almost from the beginning.  It wasn't even what I was reading instead...my brain is constantly working on this story in the background somewhere...looking at the problems...trying to figure out the next solution.  Working on this story makes sense again.  I'm also rethinking the title.  Just don't know yet what it needs to be.  I'll keep calling it Indigo until the new title comes...until then...I keep writing.

Peace,

Lily~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2012 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Itchy Palms

As much as I’ve tried staying away from writing a blog entry, I find myself gravitating towards Blogger. It’s become such a habit that too many days without an entry makes my palms itchy. Strange but true.

I’ve had a productive weekend, I managed a nice chunk of writing time on Saturday and worked for about 4.5 hours before I called it a day. Sunday, I worked on some much needed chores but have yet to finish cleaning my room. Ergh! It’s a bit of a wreck. If I look at it too long, I get dismayed and just leave it for another day. Last night, I managed to clear away the stacks of books that I had piled on my desk. My desk is a magnet for every piece of paper, index card and half-read book that I’m currently “working” with. I cleared some of it away but still managed to keep a teetering pile of pages on top of my printer. I think they secretly split off and multiply at night. That’s just my working theory.

Last night I had dinner with a friend and we were talking writing careers versus day jobs. Ergh. He’s a brilliant writer, the kind that as soon as he’s picked up will be highly visible and marketable. His writing is the next wave of up and coming work. Of course, we were talking about making a living as a writer and neither one of us felt very....secure in the idea of being able to make a living from it. *sad sigh *. He works as an adjunct professor teaching composition to undergraduates. These days you have to hustle for those adjunct posts.

Anyway, I read an early draft of one of his short stories and then the revision of it...I have to tell you that the way he uses language gives me goosebumps. His work is truly amazing and I wish I had half his talent...hehehe. Anyway, he’s going back to school to finish a second Masters in a professional field. Frankly, he wants to be able make a living and still write on the side. another sad sigh. We keep relegating our actual work/writing/creative life as secondary, an afterthought. We have to squeeze out a living and then find time to write. He knows he will always write but for the next two and a half years as he begins school in the fall, he will put the creative work away. The notion makes me sad because he is just so good.

As we talked he was advising me to find something more in line with the type of work I’ve done before because I have skills that will translate into any setting. I admit the panic started to rise at the idea of getting locked down into a “job”. To be fair, he was talking about getting involved with companies and non-profits, doing work that I would feel good about. Ergh. Which would be what exactly? I’m having a hard time thinking outside of the box at the moment. Frankly, this job is fine for my purposes. At the end of the day I leave it behind, don’t give it a second thought once I go home at 5 and I have enough head space to work on my creative work. But I’ve been feeling a terrible pressure to try to find a better job. It’s all anyone asks me about these days. Makes me want to stick my head in the sand. Ostrich maneuver.

I will say this, I know the anxiety that rises stems from the overachiever in me. The one who is unsatisfied with a job that is barely scraping at my creative curiosity. I get that! But that’s what I have the rest of my life for, no? I use that time outside of work to go see live music, or go to the theater, or read books, or walk all over the city, or work on my novel, or study shamanism, or go swim in the ocean. That’s really what I have time for. That’s what this job affords me to be able to do at the moment. The only drawback that I see is that I don’t have more money to really travel outside of the states. Will have to see what I can adjust in my financial picture to make that possible. I have a cousin in Maui I can visit, and my aunt and uncle in Puerto Rico, a good friend in San Francisco who’s couch I can crash on...just need to figure that one out. Other than that, I have all I need at the moment. Okay, I’ve gone on long enough.

Peace,



Lily~

[UPDATE] Another one bites the dust.

Another mercury retrograde victim...ergh! My Nook died early Sunday morning. After a soft reset and a hard reset...nothing. It’s been frozen in start-up mode ever since. *sigh * I think I talked up its early death. You see I was just telling someone the other day how I wanted to go back to books. I miss having a paperback in hand. And here is one of the moments when the universe listened. LOL! Really?! That’s what it heard. Anyway, I’ve called in for an updated version...a trade-in if you will but then I realized I should have waited until AFTER mercury retrograde was over. *rolling my eyes *. So when the new one dies an early death, remind me that I was sufficiently warned.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2012 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Spinning Plates

I feel like I’m in the midst of spinning plates...

did some yoga asanas and some stretching last night (today I’m sore and my knee is creaky)

finished Dr. Weil’s book, Healthy Aging

ordered some vitamins to supplement my new eating habits

drinking some white tea with a tiny bit of honey

looking over the next phase of my shaman training…ergh.

making a list of supplies I need for a couple of upcoming projects

need time to work on my novel. need time to work on my novel
need to schedule in some time to work on my bloody novel …hehehe.

it’s the last day of the month and it’s cloudy and cool for a change

placed an order into Urban Organic for my first box of fruits and veggies (since I really hate to shop for groceries)…and I really need to get out of the habit of buying take out.

i may turn into a vegetarian out of sheer laziness (cause I really don’t ever want to go food shopping EVER). that just made me giggle ‘cause it’s true.

listening to Lianne La Havas’s album, “Is Your Love Big Enough” on NPR…completely love her voice…my brother Bleu wants to marry her on the sheer impact of her voice. Lovely.

I need to replace the battery in my favorite watch, it’s been on my to-do list for the last 6 months.

my contract with AT&T expires in less than 20 days…FINALLY! So I can ditch my non-smart phone and change over to Verizon. And maybe, just maybe, my new phone will not drop calls…maybe. Seriously! I don’t want apps or music on my phone, I just want the ability to make a phone call without it dropping and maybe send a text without keying the letters on a numbered set and be able to retrieve my voicemail messages…too much to ask? Perhaps. But there it is.

I know this is ALOT of minutia for a blog entry…but that is life…lots of tiny things and big things and medium things that need to get done, that take up brain space, that needles me until I’ve completed the task. It doesn’t help that I haven’t written in a couple of days so I know I’m wound up tighter than usual but…that’s where I am…sorting it out…little bit at a time.

So I’ll be back writing blog entries again on September 1st. Need to sort out my novel and the rest of my life in that order. In the meantime, rock on people, rock on!!

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2012 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Much more than what's here

I’m taking a break with a hot cup of earl grey tea and an oatmeal cookie with raisins…yum my favorite. Despite the muggy day outside, the office is ice cold. Brrr.

The last couple of days, in thinking about my novel, I’ve been thinking about how limited our resources really are. You see, I’ve been trying to imagine a world were oil has been used up. No more oil. What would that look like? We would not be able to produce any more cars, have any gas to run cars, have fuel for the large machinery that filters our water but what about the day to day products. No more new plastic products. No more lotions, hair product, the containers that contain them. At least nothing new would be able to be produced. What we will have to contend with is the tons of waste that we have thrown away. I wonder if we would learn then to actually re-use those containers that we throw out without much thought.

It’s odd, this shifting perspective to imagine how the world would look like. No fuel for trucks would mean, no one carting away our walls of garbage. Where would it go? The few times the garbage companies went on strike in our lifetime, the smell of a week’s worth of garbage piled high along the sidewalks come to mind. Aren’t other countries now dealing with such a dilemma? There is much more in my head than what I’m actually writing out.

There would be no more jobs…not the kind where you bring home a paycheck. And once the mobs and scavengers have snatched up as many supplies as they can, then what? How do people survive? In a city setting, where are food sources going to come from? A little plot garden? Not sure that would sustain the masses. Would people stay in cities…or would they leave out into the suburbs where they can raise goats and chickens and lots of veggies. It does my head in to start thinking this way. I sometimes think that I will see this in my lifetime. Eek scary.

Anyway, my sister laughs at me when I want to save glass jars. They make a good place to store dry goods once they’ve been cleaned and dried thoroughly. Why throw them away? I think she worries that I am turning into a hoarder. I’m not hoarding…I’m conscious of the impact of our garbage lately. This is not to say that I’m perfect about this, in fact it’s a work in progress…but I grew up in the 70’s and I remember when we used wax paper and brown paper bags for our lunches instead of plastic cling and plastic bags. I remember real efforts to curb waste. I think the lessons sunk in deep and now I’m thinking about the future generations. How will they fare?

So for my very small part, I’m going to start giving up products. No more make-up, no more cosmetics (I will allow myself eye-liner ‘cause a girl needs something), no crazy skin cleansing products. I’m sticking to environmentally-friendly soap and witch hazel. No more hair products once I finish my hair gel. No more dying my hair. I’m going to go back to a natural dark brown color with a little grey instead of the red-tint that I seem to live on. I’d really like to give up deodorant but I’m sure my family, friends and office mates will complain very loudly. I’m just thinking about all the chemicals in just these basic products as well as the containers they come in. Ergh. I know my small contribution is like a drop in the ocean but so be it. I’m keeping it simple.

Peace and hair grease,

L~



All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2012 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Chilled out Chicana

I started to write this entry yesterday but quickly became sidetracked.

I treated myself to two days off and made a long weekend of it. Hung out with my buddy Tony up in Oneida and he made yummy meals for me. He turned me on to a gluten-free Hard Cider from Vermont called Amber Woodchuck (or something like that). It’s so freakin’ good. He also forced me to watch a couple of episodes of the UK comedy, The IT Crowd that made me laugh so hard that even today, three days later, I’m still laughing as I recall one or two scenes from each of the episodes I watched. It was good fun. We also watched Felicity Day’s The Guild…also very funny in its own geeky way. I’m not much of an online gamer so some of the references went over my head but it still made me laugh.

Anyway, I really enjoyed the quiet, being away from the city, being back upstate which is really my second home, just reminded me how much I want a quieter life. He taught me a French dice game called Dix Millett on the last night and we stayed up until 2:30 am playing it. Very addicting game. Now I have to teach my sisters to play it so I can have someone to play with.

Let’s see I also wrote a little, walked around a little, slept really well for the first time in weeks, sat on the porch and drank Cider and listened to the rain fall, chatted a little, listened to a little music, cut up lots of veggies for lunch and dinner, and had a hell of a good time doing it all. I felt closer to being my old self (the one in the good space), a settled content soul. What a difference just a little peace and quiet makes.

I also appreciate Tony friendship and it was good to catch up with him. I hadn’t realized that it’s been two years since we’ve seen each other in person. Skyping has fooled me into thinking I’d seen him sooner. Yikes, it’s been too long and I’ll probably head back up there again very soon for a writing jag. I’ve been thinking about moving out of NYC and heading north for a long time. Maybe it’s time to pull myself together and look at job opportunities in Syracuse and Albany or Burlington, VT ‘cause this dog-eat-dog life is wearing on my very last nerve.

Yesterday morning, I was still feeling relaxed and pretty gentle after such a quiet time. Of course, today I’m back to calling rude bumping people, “tool” and “douche bag” after 2.5 days and my Chicana temper is back into full effect. Ergh! I thought it would take a little longer than that. Bummer. By the way, what is up with people walking around and texting in the midst of a crowded sidewalk? It wouldn’t be a big deal, if said people were walking at about the same pace as everyone else but Noooooo, instead you have them either walking in a weird robotic way because they can’t walk and text at the same time OR they are not watching where they are going and they ACTUALLY get annoyed when they bump into oncoming walking traffic…WTF is that about?! *sigh * I have no patience for self-absorbed a**h***s. I am this close (forefinger and thumb very close together) to slapping away the cell phone from their hands every opportunity I get. Hehehe. Made me giggle, cause it’s true.

Music update: Jack White has a new video out for Freedom at 21 which is by far my favorite song on his Blunderbuss album, (Love Interruption still high up on the list). However, the video is so stupid that I won’t even put it up. Grinding half naked women on Jack White just does NOT do it for me. Sorry. I think he even channels some Jack Sparrow/Johnny Depp ticks when he’s captured in solo shots. I like the cuts of him riffing on his guitar and if I could splice the video to just those images I’d do just that…but alas…it goes to some weird extreme of a car chase in the desert, female officer arresting White and putting him in an all-female jail, then the grinding begins. Yep, not my cup of tea (as I clutch my pearls). LOL!

Jumping music, Tony made me a watch a couple of Kimbra videos that are so cute and creepy at the same time that they should be checked out as well. Settle Down video below.  I have to say I really like Kimbra’s voice. She reminds me of an upbeat, bubbly P.J. Harvey. Is that sacrilege? Hehehe.

Last but not least, I cannot stop listening to Lianne La Havas. The video that I put up last week still remains my favorite but another tune called LIAR really gets to me too. Check ‘em out.

That’s all she wrote.

Peace,

L~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2012 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

I woke up at 8:20 am today, I actually slept through two alarms…mind you, I have to be in the office by 8:30 so I jumped out of bed and started racing around in circles trying to get things ready to leave for work. I typed my manager a quick note telling her that I woke up late and that I’d be there as soon as I could get there. An icy cold shower to wake me up then grabbing clothes from my closet in quick succession…although I don’t know what I was thinking grabbing a light sherbert green shirt and light brown plaid pants. I’m just going to call it being in a rush but not really sure what the hell I’m wearing today. Ah well, that happens.

The late start and a dull headache have left me feeling underwhelmed today. It’s not a migraine thank goodness so a couple of ibuprofens later and it’s finally gone. But I’m in a foul mood today…my mouth is a crushed line across my face and my jaw is clenched so tight that I have to remind myself to loosen up. What is up with that?

Well, the reality is that I keep hitting a wall with my novel again and again. I was explaining this to a friend on Friday night that it just feels like I’m not smart enough to write what’s in my head. The story in my head is just not translating out onto the page and it’s making me bat-shit crazy! Grrr! *Head in hands * I’ve been steadily working on this novel for the past two years and I’m just not close to finishing it. To be exact, two years and moving into two months and today I just want to quit this project. Seriously!! I want to put the whole manuscript in a drawer and let the dust gather up in its shallow grave. Maybe start on a ten-minute play or even a full-length play for that matter. I’m sure I can write 90 pages of dialogue. I feel completely useless with this novel but there is this cloying part in my brain that won’t let it go. Think squirrel grasping a nut between its claws.

I really thought spending some down time playing in the sun and catching up with things that bring real pleasure would give me the much needed break and clear some head space to come back to the page bright-eyed and bushy tailed. Instead, I feel thwarted at this next new section. It’s not just difficult, it feels impenetrable. So I am sitting in front of this wall trying to figure out what am I going to do now. Hmmm. Another writer friend told me to spend some time daydreaming about it…which is great advice but the story is constantly in my head. It’s going on and on and I am trying to grasp moments from this large narrative and trying to make this novel somewhat coherent. I think I just need to come to terms with the fact that it will never be as good as what’s in my head. Now if someone can tell me how exactly I come to terms with that fact, maybe I can get somewhere. *grumble *

I know, I know, I’ve promised not to gripe on this blog about writing but sometimes I just have to come clean and share exactly where I am in this crazy process. It helps me to put it down on the page ‘cause it means it’s less time in my brain to muck up the works. Anyway, I’ve been listening to Bluesy Rock music today…Raconteur, Black Keys, White Stripes and Jack White are playing non-stop in the background. Shredding guitar riffs and raging drum beats are perfect to wake me up from the pity party that threatens to take hold and render me useless.

That's all she wrote today,

L~
All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2012 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Off-the-cuff Entry

It’s a bright, sunny Tuesday and the blue nail polish I have on is chipping. Mental note: Take off polish tonight. This is going to be off-the-cuff entry since my brain seems to be skipping ahead of my typing fingers.

I spent a really decent weekend with my mom, sisters and nieces. Talk about a girls weekend, juice boxes and booster seats included. We met up at Union Square and shared fruits and rice cakes from the farmer’s market then caught Brave at a Saturday matinee. The movie was really sweet and the animation was amazing. Afterwards, they went off to the park for a bit of jumping about and I went off to kill some time before the dyke march. I walked around and did some window shopping and decided that Fifth Avenue shops are just too expensive for my tastes and Old Navy fashion is too cheaply made to make me part with my cash. So there you have it, my shopping habits in a nutshell. I decided lunch was a must and I needed to get out of the sun because my head began to ache. I went off to eat a couple of tacos and a migraine began to bloom even before I ate. Ergh! Migraines suck a**. I felt it coming on like a falling brick wall but I held off going home right away. I figured if I went into a cold dark theater that it would help subside the pain. So I purchased a ticket to see Prometheus (which I’ve wanted to see since it came out) but that solution did not help matters. So there I was trying to decide if I should venture back outside to grab the train and could I possibly make the hour long trip home. By this time the light sensitivity was pretty bad and I could barely watch the movie without wanting to up-chuck the tacos. *little bit of grumbling * I was bummed that I was feeling so crappy because I wanted to walk in the dyke march.

I knew I had to give up that notion and just go home. I walked out of the movie and put on my shades and found the shadiest route to the train. Ergh* I felt like a vampire avoiding the light of day. The only thing that helped me from getting sick was the high air conditioning in both theater and trains...so there you have it that was Saturday. I made it home, pulled down all the shades and try to find a cool spot to take a nap. My apartment was an oven so I just curled up on the couch in a light t-shirt and shorts and tried NOT to pray for a quick death. (Trying to be a bit better with my outward disposition. Hahaha.)

The next day, the migraine was gone. THANK GOODNESS because I didn’t want to cancel going to the beach especially on my birthday. Two cars, three nieces, two sisters and mami and we were off. The day was hot and bright and the water was icy cold. LOVED IT!! My mom took one look at my pale legs and said, “Why are you so white?!” LOL!! Maybe because I sit in a cubicle on most days or because I avoid the sun because of my migraines. Or maybe I don’t really like wearing a bathing suit as I’ve gotten older. Hehehe. Anyway, I was out there on Sunday with SPF 45 lotion to prevent me from becoming a lobster. I swam out past the throngs of people until I had enough space to tread water, float or swim. Yay! I felt like the tension that I have been holding in my shoulders was finally loosening up. The tight hamstrings were beginning to give way. We were there almost 5 hours and I spent the better part of it in the water. Yay!! I tried getting my little nieces in but there were too many tears and screams to get them past the shore. LOL!

I had a delicious time at the beach and I may just go back on Saturday. Anyway, thanks for the well wishes on my b-day. It left a wide smile on my face. The good mood had definitely lasted. By the way, my deadline for finishing my draft was never met. However, I am still working on the novel and getting a much needed push past the hard chapters. I haven’t given myself a new deadline yet but that will come soon.

Peace,

L~

P.S. I’m obsessed with listening to Ed Sheeran’s + album so I’m putting up another one of his songs here:

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2012 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Out Past the City Limits

The sound of thunder woke me up very early this morning. Pandora turned into the Halloween cat (arched back, puffed out tail, walking sideways) and proceeded to find a place to hide when she thought the sky was falling. I love thunder storms. I curled up in my bed, tight warm blanket and listened to the sound of the rain for a good long while before I had to get up and get my day started.

Now, I am staring blankly into my computer screen and wishing I was anywhere else but here. I get that everyone feels this way sometimes but…today, I wish I was more of a nomad. Just pack a backpack with some essentials and head out. Wishful thinking. Besides Pandora doesn’t really like to travel, she’s more of a homebody who likes to stretch out on a bright spot in the apt to catch a few rays. She’s my seven lb anchor at the moment.

I know I’ve been a bit gaga over Jack White’s music but really it’s just an amazing distraction from the dissatisfactions of one’s life, don’t you think? I feel shackled and bound and I’m not even married. And for an hour or two music helps get me out of my own melancholy head and reminds me that there can be pleasurable moments. So an hour listening to the music of the rain helped.

I yearn to be out in the world today, taking a long walk out past the city limits, leaving the technology of laptop computers and smart phones behind. Anyway that’s all she wrote today. Heading off to work on my novel for a bit. Wish me good vibes and happy writing.

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2012 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

“Resistance is Futile"

Today, I forgot my iPhone at home and it made me realize how addicted I am to being connected via email/text and phone. All my contacts are on that little contraption so I can’t call anyone from work without it in my hand. It’s also been awhile since I had a phone number memorized. At the moment, I have two numbers memorized, my own and my parent’s house. Hehehe. Who else do I need to talk to? The only reason why I know their phone number is because they’ve had it for the last 25 years. Anyway, now without phone in hand, I can’t call up or text my friends when I’m having a slow moment at work. Hmmm. What’s wrong with this picture?

I grew up without a cell phone attached to my hand. I come from a generation where cell phones were a luxury item but now that we’ve entered upon a generation of on-call /instant messaging/twittering communities…gosh, it’s really hard to go back. I’ve been saying to friends and family that I’m going to scale back from this high tech reality and just go back to a cell phone that only makes calls, nothing more. But truth be told, it’s a lot harder than I thought. This online presence is all-encompassing and without the technology, I feel like I’ve unplugged from the hive. “Resistance is futile.”

I work at a company that limits internet access because of compliance issues so I relied on my iPhone to check e-mails. And now I’m antsy because I haven’t checked e-mail all morning. What kind of twisted nightmare have I allowed in to warp my brain circuitry so that without internet access…I can’t sit still? Hmm? This is one of those moments where all this time on my hands has me thinking too much.

Funny, thinking about this has me recalling something Jeff Vandermeer’s wrote in Booklife about how all this access fragments us. Yes it does!! Dag it!! And now I have 4 and a half more hours before the day is done. I was supposed to go to a gallery opening tonight but unfortunately all the info is on my phone. Argh! I was going to slip the postcard into my book this morning just to have written details but I was running late...so much for a swanky party. Who says swanky in this day in age?
All for now….it’s time to unplug.

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

The Grind

Today has been about the grind...working for the man...about keeping nose to the grindstone.  So in other words not a great day.  I promised myself to stop using this platform to whinge about life.  I'll do my best not to go down that rocky path.

So now I'm staring at the screen and just blinking at it...seriously.  If I can't gripe, then my brain goes blank.  What is that about?  It's almost as if I can't start the conversation without a complaint on my lips, well in this case fingertips.

I'm working on this very particular project at my day job where I am supposed to look up and write about powerful influential women around the world.  Easy enough, I go onto the 2010 Forbes list and take a few key women and do some internet research and give a blurb on them, in 500 words or less.  Fine.  I spent the better part of the day doing this.  Instead of inspiring me, it's done the opposite.  Bleck!  :-P  It's left me in a bad mood about how little I'm accomplishing at the moment.  *arms crossed with a scowly frown upon my face*

Then, on the train home, I am reading a peer's manuscript, just making notations in the margins so I can give some specific feedback.  The young African-American woman who is sitting next to me, not more than 19 years old, takes a glance over.  She gives a big sigh, rolls her eyes, turns to her boyfriend who is sitting beside her and says pretty loudly, "oh god she's reading a novel, how boring!  Who has time for that shit anyway."  Being in the crotchety mood I was already in, I chose that moment to ignore her and keep reading.  But as I sat there I start to wonder about young readers and if this is their attitude to the written language then what the heck am I doing wasting my time writing?!  LOL!!  No, seriously!  The randomness of this encounter affected me.  Her flip comment, for just a moment, put me into an existential crisis. The universe was having a laugh at me today.

You see, after reading about powerful women who are making global contributions, I thought, what am I doing?  Why can't I use this brain of mine for something a bit more substantial than writing fiction.  I even thought, maybe I should go back to school and get my doctorate in eco-politics and environmental sciences. Hmmm.  Deep?  Maybe not so much. Maybe I'm just running away from the page. The novel-writing business isn't easy.  So environmental sciences it is.  *hehehe*  Even writing it out and reading it back to myself, I can see the absurdity of it all.  But when it lives inside my brain it festers into something  else.  

My 15-year old niece not too long ago told me she was interested in going into theater: playwriting, working on stage crew, building sets, etc.  It took every ounce of willpower I possessed NOT to tell her "NOOOO! Going into theater will break your heart into a thousand pieces and then use those very pieces to ram down your throat!!"  Bitter, much?  I did NOT say those words out loud to her.  I did not discourage her.  I was a good auntie and told her to pursue whatever interests she wanted.  (I think that's what I said to her).

I digress...I guess if I can be supportive of my niece in her pursuit of exploring theater then I really have to learn to be supportive of my own work as a writer.  If I can be a super cheerleader for every member of my own writing group and every newbie writer I meet then I need to believe in my own hype.  Voilá!

Universe, I got the lesson...

All for now...keep on keeping on.

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Room

I spent last night and early morning reading Emma Donoghue’s novel, Room. The protagonist is a 5-year old boy and it’s written from his point of view. I thought if I couldn’t do much in the way of writing, I may as well read/research for my novel. Since I have some young characters in my story, I thought this book would help give me ideas on how language is used in the mouth of a young child. But this novel doesn’t seem to work for me for that purpose. Wait, that’s not quite right. On the one hand, the fact that this child has a limited world view works really well. So there is some leeway in the way words and language are manipulated. However, this heavy-handed version of child’s point of view is difficult on this reader. I found myself trying to skim through parts to get past the very young introverted portion of the character. It’s a difficult balance. At times, the language is ballooned but those are the times that I am pulled out of the story.

I am a big fan of Emma Donoghue and this is not a review of her book…I am looking at the craft of this particular novel in relationship to the science fiction story that I am trying to write. My mind is circling around the “what next?” of my story and the answer right now is “I don’t know.” At times, I really want to give it up and just move on to work on some poetry or a short story just to get me writing again. In fact, this blog entry is helpful to understand the way I’m thinking about this story that I’m trying to develop.

This week, I worked on some loose sketches for some painting projects down the line. Playing with some color helped to chill out this frustrated mood I’ve been in. It’s not completely gone but the bad mood is not the only thing I see now. The last couple of days have been bittery cold here in New York City. The wind burns the edges of my face but the cold feels good. It reminds me that I am alive and awake and I can move forward with my novel. 


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

A Bit of Rant

I was reading on Huffington Post about Oprah and her NOT being a lesbian. WHO CARES?! Seriously folks what is the big deal if she is or is not a lesbian. Why can’t she just be really good friends with Gayle and have it be done there. Why must we make a mountain out of this mole hill? I think it stems from the politics of Oprah being a financially independent black woman. She has thrived in her career and has had a steady eddie by her side called Steadman. But the media can’t believe she doesn’t want to get married. So of course the insinuation must be made that she is a lesbian. Really?! Just because her prime focus is not marriage and kids does not make her a lesbian. It means she just has different goals than the prescribed social standards. Oprah has gotten as far as she has in her career because she’s driven and focused. Please let the topic rest.

There are more important things to contend with like: What solutions can we come up with for the millions of people who are starving not just in third world countries but this country as well? Or how can we get clean drinkable water to the millions that go without? Or how can we stop violence not just on a community scale but on a global scale? Shouldn’t that be discussed? Don’t those issues merit more contemplation and more media coverage? I’ve heard people say how depressing the News is in the evening and I finally figured out why it’s depressing…because all these negative images fill us with hopelessness. We become so overwhelmed with the global scale of the problems BUT the media needs to start covering some of the solutions being tested and tried throughout our communities. Seriously!! People need to see what is working. It might inspire someone to help. It might give someone else an idea for another solution. We need to start building up possibilities for change.

I read about more billionaires are going to give away their wealth in the near future to charities. That’s really great but the sole responsibility does not sit on the shoulders of the rich. (Don’t get me wrong, distribution of wealth and resources are needed). However, we, as human beings, are responsible for each other and I’m not going to hold my breath and wait for the money gods to rain down some solutions when WE (all of us) can do something in our own small way. Every person from every walk of life has the ability to make changes that contributes to the well being of others and in the spirit of the holiday season I hope we all find a calling. Peace, L~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2010 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

A Bright Day in December

Let’s see, for the past couple of days I’ve been dealing with a raging head cold. You know the kind, you’re so congested you feel like your head is made out of cotton balls and you’re submerged in water. Not fun at all. I missed a day and half of work. I’m temping so I don’t get paid if I don’t physically go into work. Hmmm. It’s fine. I mostly slept those two days and it was enough to get back on my feet by Wednesday. Well just barely.

I did manage to go to a networking social given by NYCEDC late Tuesday night, despite a mild fever. Now what the hell was I thinking? Part of me didn’t want to miss the opportunity. You never know what chance encounter will open up a new door. However, most of the time, I find myself struggling with some residual shyness. For the most part, I’m pretty outgoing but when it comes to these events you have to be ON. When I feel the pressure of being ON, I lose my words. I managed to introduce myself to a few people and get some business cards so a little high-five for me. I stayed for about an hour and a half and then this cold got the better of me. By the time I made it to the train to head home I had chills and a full-on fever. Bleck!! :-p Glad I went. I just wish I had been feeling a bit better to deal with the socializing aspect of it.

I also managed to write another 1,025 words for my novel. I know I haven’t been updating word count lately…but I haven’t been doing a whole lot of writing. There are no excuses. It’s just difficult to face the empty page every day. It really does (my eyes just popped wide open). Over the weekend I wrote a mere 500 words and felt pretty despondent over the meager word count. Yes, this is what goes on in my head, “meager word count.” It was so slow getting those 500 words that I thought to myself, “that’s it, I’m all dried up. I will never be able to finish this thing.” Then on Tuesday in a feverish state, I wrote another 1,000. Where did that come from? I don’t know but the prospect of not writing and finishing is a lot more painful than facing the empty page. So I choose the lesser of two evils. Gosh, what the hell am I prattling on about? Don’t I have work to do or something? (looking over my shoulder.) Aww heck, I can spare a moment or two to continue with this entry. These blog entries keep me grounded when I’m feeling a bit lost.

This morning, I walked out of my house to find a small group of starlings picking over my neighbor’s garbage (He has pet birds and plenty of bird seed in his garbage apparently). Now on most days it would be no big deal, right? But today, they were being loud and aggressive as they fought over the seeds and I clapped my hands loudly to get them to fly away. I tell you, hand to G*d, they just looked at me and then went back to squawking at each other. It made me laugh out loud, which then actually scared them away. Nice! Anyway, thought that little moment was made to be written down.

All for now…
Have a great day. It’s a bright, bitter cold day in NYC…you gotta love winter.
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2010 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

fickle lover

I was a bit reluctant to do the reading last Monday night. You see my relationship with playwriting has changed so much in the past couple of years, I just thought why put time into this particular reading when I am so far from being a playwright these days. My sister and my friends encouraged me to just do it. It got me moving pretty quickly, I was able to wrangle up some actresses to play each of the parts, (thank you Rosanna Plasencia, Maria Rivera and Vicky) and it was great fun. Lots of wonderful, positive feedback afterwards. Even time to talk to other writers and talent during intermission.

I also heard great material from other playwrights at this event. Amy Fox’s piece really had me laughing as did James Armstrong’s piece. It’s lovely when you have the right combination of language and actors bringing your piece alive. I wrote earlier this year that I was putting aside playwriting so that I could work on other projects…after Monday night…I’m in love again. God, I love theater. I love when it works, I’m even amused when it doesn’t. Every time I think I’ve left it for good, I get drawn back in. I even came away with some ideas for possible future projects.

I’m smiling as I write these words because I’m sure I will work on my next play and be in tears when it doesn’t work. Be so frustrated with it I could spit nails. Yes, the act of writing plays has me in tears at times. I tell you it’s a love/hate affair. We have not been able to come to some common ground yet. I know I’m a control freak. I want the piece to be as beautiful in life as it is in my head. Alas, somewhere between my head and the paper it just kind of falls apart. Again, I laugh.

I’m still working on my novel, slowly but surely the words are coming out but I need to spend more time with it. This weekend will be some much needed quiet time to work on the story. I keep stopping myself because I want to bend the story a certain way and the inner voice is saying, “heck no!” It has its own story to tell so I guess I just need to allow it to come out.

Our words come to life…now that is sweetness. The love affair is far from over as I’ve jotted some ideas on the back of my script. The scratch, scratch, scratch of the next idea emerging. Mmmm.

If you would like to check out the plays, pick up a copy of Best American Short Plays 2006-2007 from Applause Theatre and Cinema Books. 



All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2010 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Rambling

I am distracted today. It’s a mild day and I’d rather be almost anywhere else. I’m sitting in a corporate office, navel-gazing. I just went for a quick walk outside and bought myself a decadent latte. Whatever hasn’t spilled onto my black trench is being slowly sipped, savored.

The writing has been going…on Monday night I added another 860 words to my novel. Word count keeps me moving forward. Last night, I couldn’t bear the quiet nor the blank page so I ran from it, curled myself on the couch and read Stephen King’s latest book, Full Dark, No Stars. It’s a collection of short stories. I don’t know what I think of it yet since I’m only half way through the first story. I’ll write more about it when I’ve read more.

Another sip of bitter coffee. I want to gripe and complain about someone but I’m a bit tired of doing that. I’m staring at my scuffed up black sneakers…it’s time for a pair of new shoes. My cat has gnawed the leather off the backs of the ones I’m wearing. Maybe not the best choice in footwear but I woke up very late this morning, 7:36 am. They were the closest to the front door and easiest to slip on. I hauled ass as quickly as my stubby legs could take me. I managed to be only five minutes late.

I despise being late. There is something in my hardwiring that makes sure I arrive promptly with time to spare. Even when I try to be late for an event, I still manage to be the first one to arrive. I’m wound up tight. Can’t help it. Something in the genetic make-up. My dad is the same way.

I’m looking at the calendar. We have 20 days left before the end of November. I’m thinking about Christmas shopping for my three young nieces. The oldest is in dire need of some art supplies. The two younger ones want every girlie toy they see on commercials. My folks are always hard to shop for…there are just so many watches I can buy my dad. Oh!! And his birthday is this month too. Yikes. I need to make an effort to come up with a decent gift. Sorry, I know this is a bit of a rambling blog but my brain seems to be mired in the minutia of the every day. I’d really like to get some small gifts for everyone before December arrives. I just know once the holiday is in full gear, I won’t want to bother. I don’t really like the shopping crush that happens. Bah-Humbug!

Anyway, that’s all she wrote today…I’m going back to staring out the window.

L~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2010 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

I woke up again before my alarm…5:27 am to be exact. I had a hard time getting started with the writing though…my inner critic was awake before I was so she had a good head start. As soon as I broached the page I was absolutely convinced that I will never be able to complete another play again. I have a constant nagging voice that my characters are speaking too directly to the problem and I need to subvert the conversation in some way. But I don’t know how. Hence, why I think I won’t finish this project. So this is what I did, I allowed myself to kvetch for about a page about how I’m too tired and too sleepy to even start working on the play. I even told myself if I can get through one page I can go back to sleep.

The tactic worked. Once I bitched and moaned for a page I looked at where I left off on the scene the last time I worked. It started with one line and it wasn’t easy but it wasn’t as difficult as I thought either. I wrote for about 40 minutes and then I (kind of) got stuck again. I didn’t know what the next line was. I didn’t know how to move into the next scene. I could feel the panic start to rise. I thought to myself maybe I should write to my ex, or maybe I should get my day started and take a shower. Before I let my rising panic force me to run away from the page, I gently told myself, “just stay here for 5 minutes, if nothing comes then you can go take a shower.” And I sat there, in the quiet morning, and the answer bubbled up. I cut a section out to free up the next scene. I still don’t know exactly where it’s going but at least I stuck to it. I find that if I’m a bit more gently with myself I get much better results. So yay for gentle methods!!

Once I cut the section, the writing came out so quickly that I didn’t even notice another 30 minutes had passed. I looked up and jumped out of my chair because it was 7:05 and I had 25 minutes to get ready before I had to catch my train. It felt good to have done the work and my energy was light and airy. The optimism allowed me to enjoy the thin rain in Brooklyn as a hazy light gave everything a quiet hue. I even thought to myself, I should really get up a little earlier to have more time to write. The spirit is willing, the body not so much. Hehehe. Anyway, all for now….serenity now!!

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2010 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Drawing The Line

Today, I am racked with uncertainty on what to do next with my play, Prodigal. I’m not blocked, that’s really not the problem because the words are coming out. Rather, I’m too hard judging every single syllable that comes out. That kind of criticism makes my writing contract, makes itself smaller instead of allowing the writing to blossom.

On Sunday afternoon I went to a dance showcase given by The Alvin Ailey Dance School, what I found absolutely amazing was the joy that these dancers had for their performance. Each group had different levels of abilities from beginners to more advanced students, ages ranging from young teens to older adults. There were some dancers who kept missing the beat and were completely off tempo but it just didn’t matter. A smile came up from my belly to my face because they were doing their very best and it was joyful. There was a modern piece with more advanced students they had beautiful lines and graceful movements across the stage. Then I watched my sister’s group do their hip-hop number, Vick was all smiles as she went through her number, I know how hard she had worked at getting this piece down and it flowed beautifully. I’m always amazed at watching my sisters do the thing that they love to do. Go Vicky!!

Having written that, I think to myself, how is that I can watch these novice dancers and find joy in them missing steps and yet be so ruthless with myself with my writing? How can I be so gentle and forgiving with others and be so demanding of my own work? There is this twisted part of me that actually thinks snapping the whip will get better results, when all it really does is close me up. It makes me retreat away from the work, the words, the characters and then I’m fit to be tied.

There is this Zen practice in brush painting where students are told to draw a line across a paper. That is all they are supposed to do, just draw a line across the paper over and over again. It’s part of their practice to develop their skills. I know I’m oversimplifying here but bear with me. Now if the parallel practice of “drawing the line” is to write, write and write when does the judging mind ever rest? I write my lines and they never seem to be very good or “good enough”. What is in my head does not seem to be articulated correctly on paper. It is so frustrating! Please note, I’m not saying this for pity or sympathy-sake. Nor is this a matter of having confidence in my work. Rather I understand this is part of the creative process to some extent but dear oh dear does my judging brain need to make it so damn difficult?

After the dance recital, what keeps popping up for me is this idea of “beginner’s mind”. Shoshin is the Japanese concept of approaching work with an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when studying a subject, even when studying at an advanced level. These “beginner” dancers that I watched perform gave me a gift with this reminder. Their eager open hearts showed me what has been missing for me when I approach my playwriting. I am always so bright-eyed and excited when I first write up a new draft of some zygot of an idea but when it’s time for hard revisions I start to flounder. I lose my footing and really find myself doubting the work. I tend to be unbearable to both friends and family when I am working through these moments. After all, how do I explain to them that I’m frustrated because I don’t understand yet the motivations or actions that my characters have taken in the piece? Or that I just need some quiet time alone to work through this difficult scene?

Yes well, here I am. Now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, I’m going to spend the rest of the afternoon working on Prodigal.
Wish me luck. ;-)

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2010 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

04.12.10

I spent the better part of the morning looking for Kiara, one of the dogs who lives on the farm.  She was nowhere to be found.  In the midst of looking for this dog, I came  across quite a few deer.  The first sighting happened when I reached the orchard.  I had just gotten a ways past the entrance and two deer shot out from the brush.  I think we startled each other.  The first one took a look at me and then the second one, who was right behind, dashed past which made the first one bolt as well.  They crossed my path and I watched their little white tails run up the hill.  I was completely amazed.  

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a deer in nature before.  I’m sure I’ve seen them at the zoo at one point in my life but it’s so different coming face to face with a large animal in their natural habitat.  Their coats were light brown and one of them had faded white dots on their fur.  Once the deer hit the top of the small hill one of them stopped, looked back and just stared at me.  All I could do was stare back and smile.  It was just for a couple of heartbeats but that moment filled me with pure joy.  That pause was a gift.  They turned and ran into the denser part of the woods and all I could see was a little white tail and white hind legs.  I kept walking and thought to myself this is so cool and I couldn’t help but smile out loud. 

I walked past the orchard, past the garden area, past another wooden gate, onto a path that would take me to a more wooded area.  I took only a couple of steps onto the path and the blue jays started screeching up a storm, startling me and quite a few deer in the process.  I can hear them bolting, branches breaking and I saw bits of hooves and quick dashes of light brown fur but I couldn’t quite make them out, there was too many tree trunks in the way to get a proper look.  I also knew there was no way Kiara would be out this way because that dog would have been hunting those deer down if she was anywhere nearby.  I walked further down the road until I hit the boulders but no sign of the dog. 

Tony mentioned the other day to me that the spirits of the land doesn’t like the presence of the dogs.  I wonder if Spirit cast Kiara out.  Perhaps her presence was too disruptive.  Hmmm.  I’m just worried that she is tangled up with her metal chain on trees and brush somewhere unable to free herself.  I may go out again and roam the land between the Indian pasture up into the denser paths to see if she’s just stuck. 

Anyway, I turned back and started heading back to the studio.  I swung by Mark’s place to see if Kiara had turned up and found Bo tucked underneath a white pickup truck for a little shade. No Kiara but Bo growled at me, of course.  After I filled his bowl up with cold water and he took a long drink, he was my best friend.  He tried to show his domination by sitting on my feet and leaning up against my legs but I pushed him off and started to walk up the hilly road. Once I cleared the hill, I found Zeus at the top by the chicken coops.  I filled up a bowl of cold water for him too since I was up by the pump, then headed back on the road.

If I wasn’t so scared of the chickens, I would have gone in and gotten some fresh eggs.  Yes, this is one of those moments that I know I didn’t grow up on a farm.  I tried it once on my own while at OAC but I get overwhelmed when all the chickens start to swarm around my legs.  They think I’m gonna feed them or something.  The panic starts to rise and then I’m running out of their coop.  Yes, it’s funny. Another day in the life of this Brooklyn girl in Belle, MO.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2010 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

03.25.10

Every once in awhile the writing becomes difficult for me.  The words are forced, the process becomes thick and dense.  The pleasure is sanded down and I can't bear to sit in front of my laptop or write in my journal.  Yesterday, I took a holiday from writing and decided to use some of the art supplies around the studio.  It was completely decadent letting this painting unfold in front of me.  I took my time and the world seemed to disappear.  I used pallet knives to add and subtract acrylics until this piece came into being.  It's been a long time since I've worked on such a large scale, really who has this kind of space in real life.... ;-)   and what pleasure to play with the colors, to angle the knives just so, to mix and streak the white before it turns to mud.  Of course there were mistakes but unlike the frustration I feel with my writing it felt loose and open because the opportunity to correct was half the fun.  The creative self, the part of me that seeks pleasure when I connect was completely satiated.  I spent the better part of the morning and the early afternoon (losing time in the process) to just work.  It's 36 inches wide and 60 inches tall  (1 meter x 1.5 meters).  I tried to keep the paint as flat and as thin as possible since I think I'll probably roll these canvases to take back to NYC.  The smile that keeps bubbling up comes from the center of my being.  I can't wait for the paints that I bought off Tony to come in the mail.  He's moved on to a different medium so he has all these tubes of acrylics....it'll be good see what more comes through then.  I feel like a kid in candy store.  YAY! 


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2010 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.