Itchy Palms

As much as I’ve tried staying away from writing a blog entry, I find myself gravitating towards Blogger. It’s become such a habit that too many days without an entry makes my palms itchy. Strange but true.

I’ve had a productive weekend, I managed a nice chunk of writing time on Saturday and worked for about 4.5 hours before I called it a day. Sunday, I worked on some much needed chores but have yet to finish cleaning my room. Ergh! It’s a bit of a wreck. If I look at it too long, I get dismayed and just leave it for another day. Last night, I managed to clear away the stacks of books that I had piled on my desk. My desk is a magnet for every piece of paper, index card and half-read book that I’m currently “working” with. I cleared some of it away but still managed to keep a teetering pile of pages on top of my printer. I think they secretly split off and multiply at night. That’s just my working theory.

Last night I had dinner with a friend and we were talking writing careers versus day jobs. Ergh. He’s a brilliant writer, the kind that as soon as he’s picked up will be highly visible and marketable. His writing is the next wave of up and coming work. Of course, we were talking about making a living as a writer and neither one of us felt very....secure in the idea of being able to make a living from it. *sad sigh *. He works as an adjunct professor teaching composition to undergraduates. These days you have to hustle for those adjunct posts.

Anyway, I read an early draft of one of his short stories and then the revision of it...I have to tell you that the way he uses language gives me goosebumps. His work is truly amazing and I wish I had half his talent...hehehe. Anyway, he’s going back to school to finish a second Masters in a professional field. Frankly, he wants to be able make a living and still write on the side. another sad sigh. We keep relegating our actual work/writing/creative life as secondary, an afterthought. We have to squeeze out a living and then find time to write. He knows he will always write but for the next two and a half years as he begins school in the fall, he will put the creative work away. The notion makes me sad because he is just so good.

As we talked he was advising me to find something more in line with the type of work I’ve done before because I have skills that will translate into any setting. I admit the panic started to rise at the idea of getting locked down into a “job”. To be fair, he was talking about getting involved with companies and non-profits, doing work that I would feel good about. Ergh. Which would be what exactly? I’m having a hard time thinking outside of the box at the moment. Frankly, this job is fine for my purposes. At the end of the day I leave it behind, don’t give it a second thought once I go home at 5 and I have enough head space to work on my creative work. But I’ve been feeling a terrible pressure to try to find a better job. It’s all anyone asks me about these days. Makes me want to stick my head in the sand. Ostrich maneuver.

I will say this, I know the anxiety that rises stems from the overachiever in me. The one who is unsatisfied with a job that is barely scraping at my creative curiosity. I get that! But that’s what I have the rest of my life for, no? I use that time outside of work to go see live music, or go to the theater, or read books, or walk all over the city, or work on my novel, or study shamanism, or go swim in the ocean. That’s really what I have time for. That’s what this job affords me to be able to do at the moment. The only drawback that I see is that I don’t have more money to really travel outside of the states. Will have to see what I can adjust in my financial picture to make that possible. I have a cousin in Maui I can visit, and my aunt and uncle in Puerto Rico, a good friend in San Francisco who’s couch I can crash on...just need to figure that one out. Other than that, I have all I need at the moment. Okay, I’ve gone on long enough.

Peace,



Lily~

[UPDATE] Another one bites the dust.

Another mercury retrograde victim...ergh! My Nook died early Sunday morning. After a soft reset and a hard reset...nothing. It’s been frozen in start-up mode ever since. *sigh * I think I talked up its early death. You see I was just telling someone the other day how I wanted to go back to books. I miss having a paperback in hand. And here is one of the moments when the universe listened. LOL! Really?! That’s what it heard. Anyway, I’ve called in for an updated version...a trade-in if you will but then I realized I should have waited until AFTER mercury retrograde was over. *rolling my eyes *. So when the new one dies an early death, remind me that I was sufficiently warned.

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