Writing Group Results

So the results are in: my writing group loved one and the other one they didn't know what to make of it.  Hehehe.  I will be fair and say that out of a 27 line poem, they were unanimous in the love-fest for the last five lines.  Interesting.  So now comes the fine balancing act between taking feedback and making decisions on this piece called Circle, Holding Pattern.  Hmmmm.  Not sure yet how I'm going to move forward on it.  I think I need to sit quietly with it and see where it goes.  I am attaching below the first draft of this poem below.  I'm also making a mental note that when I've revised the piece to show what came of it on this blog.

Circle, Holding Pattern

Five points away from each other

thin rain mists stranger faces

We are three walking the dark

travel logs in back pockets

youth with an order of fries

everywhere kissing bodies

collapse upon each others

reminds me of the mess we’re in

fractured lyrics play over again

the bridge, swan dive at dawn,

straight high walker

misses footing, we’re calm

until you pick up a human tooth

slip into a pocket for safekeeping,

remember when you OD’d

you reminded me to breathe,

strum suspension wires, rhythm

promise to throw out the next poem

about rain no matter where we wind up

black ashes and oil, across your forehead

ten lives out of my mind, good fortune

too fancy in copper bowls, metal growls

echo, collect as voicemail messages

all our lives are hidden in pieces

on hand-held devices, our deities sleep

in white shrouds, compacted beneath

our bare feet, seclusion without faith. 

******
Enjoy,

Lily~

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