Quick hits....the last couple of weeks I've gone to see a few movies:
Alien:Covenant-This movie made me nostalgic for the original movies. As much as I love Michael Fassbender...the movie was just meh. Sorely disappointing. Made me miss Sigourney Weaver in a big way. May just rent the first Alien movie to remind me of why I love Space Alien movies. *sigh*
My Cousin Rachel-I love period movies and I was really looking forward to seeing this film adapted from Daphne Du Maurier's novel. After seeing the actual film, there was so much wrong with the story line that I spent twenty minutes breaking down all the flaws. Rachel Weisz was quite stark and beautiful in her acting so she made it a little better. But Sam Clafin as Philip was just unbearable.
Wonder Woman- I was really looking forward to this movie and I will admit it's better than most of the DC franchise. However, I wanted MORE from the film. I wanted some depth and for me it just skimmed the surface. I know fans of this film really LOVE it, just wish I did too.
Guardians of the Galaxy v2 - It was okay. Decent sequel. But at this point, I'm just over the summer blockbusters and they've barely begun. Not a good sign at all.
I've been remiss in putting up entries the past couple of weeks. Let's see, what excuse might I try tonight? Actually no need for excuses. I've been spending time with family, friends, and trying to take care of myself in the process. I've started a new food plan to hopefully help me with my migraine condition. After one week on a very restrictive diet, I've started to notice small changes. They feel like small wins each day. There is a long list of "no" foods. No grains, no beans, no corn, no tomatoes, no peppers, no dairy, no tofu etc, etc etc. The list is long and despite my best efforts, I'm still not following it 100% quite yet. I am doing it stages to acclimate. I hope by month's end, I can finally have a month without ONE migraine. Let's see how it goes.
Tonight, I rolled out my yoga mat and had a long slow yoga session. Yum. I am getting over a chest cold and despite the occasional cough...it felt good to unwind. I've been trying to get some time on the yoga mat every other day. I spend too many hours at a desk and need time to stretch my creaky body. I know this was a small entry but I've hit my wall and it's time for bed.
More words later...L~
My sister Vick sent me this video and it made me smile. She shared this with me because she knows I get a bit despondent from time to time over the state of my creative life.
Creative life?
What creative life?
These past two weeks have been filled to the brim with my day job. Leaving very little head space for writing. In fact, I've run myself ragged and have been in bed with a head cold most of the weekend. Booo. Saturday it was pouring cats and dogs so I had an excuse to hide under my duvet (not venture out into the world) and allow myself time to recover. This coming week promises to be yet another busy week filled with 11 hour days. This kind of schedule is brutal because at the end of the day all I want to do is crash.
When I do have a moment to myself, I am listening to the Senate hearings or watching news on the political landscape both here in the US and in Europe. Eesh. No wonder I've been blocking out the world with music. No wonder most of my blog updates have been music related. Because at the end of the day music is the only thing that helps me get out of bed and face the day. * sigh * There's that despondency I mentioned earlier. I better sign off now before I get REALLY maudlin. Peace, L~
It was a busy weekend but I feel like I've stretched my arms and embraced life for a change. Not stayed hidden beneath my duvet waiting for the pain to wash away. I had my sisters and nieces over for some dinner. It was chaos but i also listened to my nieces go on and on about songs, musicals, and hair color and anime and movies. It felt like one long run-on sentence which was a sweet change. I worry over them at times but i tried to just be present as they talked and just listened to them. One of my nieces loves to sing and i heard her singing a song that she used in one of her theater auditions. She's got a sweet tone to her voice. Bless. After they left, the apartment still held a lot of their rambunctious energy so i listened to some low key music. I came across this one by You plus Me and had to put it up here. I love alicia moore's voice so it's no surprise that i've included this song. I know this is a few years old but hell...good is good! Enjoy! L~
I am out of sorts today. Woke up an hour late this cloudy morning. My train inched along. An hour late for work. A barrage of incoming requests. Usually, I welcome the work. Today, not so much. Listening to music to block the chatter around me. Not enough. A storm is brewing within. I want to go home and hide under my duvet. That's right, the old ostrich maneuver. I just can't seem to get much traction today. Keep forgetting to breathe. Gasping and grasping makes me ineffective. Since I can't hide under the covers...I am hiding in plain sight listening to music. Propels me out of my chattering brain. No wallowing allowed
I heard this song earlier and it made me stop in my tracks and listen...really listen to the lyrics. This song is definitely worth the listen. Enjoy. L~
It's April 14th and the weather has been sunny and mild most of the week. Spring is finally in the air. I'm hoping we can enjoy it for a little while before we hit 90 degree weather. I love the Spring, I feel like my body starts to wake up from its hibernating state. I tend to look for the sunniest spots whenever I have to be indoors and in a meeting. I take more breaks from the computer to sit outside in the sun by Citi's plaza. Just have to time it when there is down time.
It's been very busy at my day job which is good, it makes the day go by faster, but I'm suffering from a bit of spring fever. I want to go away and travel for a bit. Sit on a beach somewhere, drink copious amounts of margaritas with a healthy dose of tequila in it and find a good book that's either a fast, fun read or that's elegant with language. I think that's why I let my friend talk me into another holiday in Italy again this year. I thought for sure I was going to save a little cash and try to book a trip to Paris instead. There is always next year. Someone used this expression "champagne problems". She was referring to work, I am referring to: "Poor me. I'm going to Italy again to one of my favorite spots. Boohoo." Haha. That just made me laugh. I love Sorrento, it's a sleepy little town by the water, where I can unplug from my life, where I can read or write for long stretches of time, where the slow pace of town seeps into my bone marrow. Truly lovely. It's not going to happen until the Fall but at least I can daydream a little about it.
I think I'm using up most of my vacation time with that trip. Eesh. Americans! It will be another two years before I earn another 5 more days of vacation. Bah! Can we say it again? "champagne problems." I'm grateful for the steady work, the ability to pay my bills, food and shelter...what more does a girl need in this new paradigm.
I really like her music because I really like her lyrics. Yes, I am that person who actually listens to the words in a song. She's definitely a poet at heart and I find her view of the world interesting and compelling. I've attached the audio of Liability:
Because of Lorde, I've been on the hunt for new music. Something low and soulful. Songs that break me open. I've hit up my favorite artists first to see what new music they've put out into the world recently. I'm a little tired of the overproduced/synthesized sounds/songs that are on the charts that have no soul, no heart. *shrug* I've had Nina Simone and Gary Clark Jr. on heavy rotation. Check out Gary Clark Jr.'s Our Love:
I am up very early...4:43 am to be exact. Had a hell of a migraine yesterday. I'm feeling right as rain now more or less after knocking myself out with meds. Usually I feel like a zombie, hollowed-out and unable to piece together a coherent thought. Not today, I cranked up my laptop and started listening to some of my favorite artists: Jack White, James Bay, Ben Howard. They are keeping me company while I write this entry out.
I went to my writing group yesterday. Didn't present work but was inspired by one of my fellow writers. Her mystery novel is coming along. She presented one chapter but it was spot on. hoorah. we like to see that. I need a hot shower, a strong cup of black tea and some quiet time to work on my novel. Yes, my novel is calling...better go answer it.
7:56 am
I managed 1,876 words in the last three hours. Didn't know I had it in me but apparently this story is writing itself. My muse had a lot to say and I was just making sure I tried to get as much of it down as possible. Anyway, after two cups of tea, it's time for some breakfast and then a shower. My growling stomach is refusing to wait for me to take a shower first.
today was a day of rest. slept in late (now that's luxury). made some breakfast and a big mug of tea. then went out to catch a double feature: suicide squad (yay!) and star trek (double yay!) It was a good day for it. then raced home before the storm clouds caught up. i wrote that as a flash of lightning lit up the sky with thunder rolling in.
peace,
l~
it was a very hot, humid day and i still managed to get quite a few things done. a little exercise, bought much needed groceries, did a little laundry, cleared out some junk drawers, threw out old files while listening to some cranked up music. it was a good day to get some chores done. there is more to do but it was a good decent start. I finally stopped around 7:30 pm so i could eat something...but now i'm feeling just plain grimy. definitely need a shower but i'm having a hard time peeling way from watching the olympics. i have one more think to tick off my list and i'll be done for the day...
peace,
l~
i'm a reluctant participant
in this life of mine at times
figure it's worth a cup of salt
water first thing in the morning
the world is on fire, blood on
the ground and military coups
in the making against a dark sky
how many lives actually matter
during a torrential downpour
we are lost pieces in a battle
steeped in a reactionary war
who really lurks in the shadows
promising bullet holes and bombs,
the world is on fire while the taste
of salt lingers on my tongue
there is no boogie man, only fear
and the inability to sleep alone
it bubbles up
presses against flesh
heads up, you'll miss it
come up to the surface
along the eyelash line
see the dewdrops
about to fall, halfway
done, need the sun
to break, call home
you've been gone
for far too long
thunder rumbles
in the distance
calling, calling
guitar strings
plucked, stroked
slides along
skreech sounds
across lei lines
where pressure
builds up, an edge
along the tooth line
can you feel it?
way down we go
the back of my throat
aches when i think
of you alone.
the day is hot. sunlight pinpricks my skin walking up a hill.
a warm wind sweeps down, a caress, a kiss and i've missed you
again. humming beneath my breath to alicia key's in common
song reminds me of what we had in the swing of a drum beat.
tree branches move slowly reaching outward, the sky is quiet
thin heat drying out the cavern where a heart once beat softly.
this week flew by. it didn't help that i came down with another migraine mid-week. stress-related. how do i know? a sty is growing in my left eye at the moment. a sure sign of stress. i'm listening to cats fighting in the backyard hissing and screeching at each other. every one seems to be stressed out lately. i want to take cover. hide. stick my head in sand. disappear. yet here i am writing this missive tonight so i must be lying. we are all liars. trying to fit. square peg/round hole. trying to smooth our edges. hide our anger. trying to play nice. i'm tired tonight. fireworks are going off somewhere in the neighborhood. it poured earlier. like a lot. thunder storm rain. tornado warnings for nyc until 10 pm. if i could put my head down on my table i'm sure i'd fall asleep. i am restless. creative hunger lingers. i burned my back and it's only now starting to itch. the smell of smoke wafts thru my open window. i got a couple of poems published in Downtown Brooklyn, Issue #25. the weekend is upon us. my apt is clean and my mug empty of tea. now to actually sit down and write...
i spent time at the beach today. waves crashing onto the shore is one of my favorite sounds. a lazy swim in the ocean felt yummy. i spent time with my nieces and my sister and it was fun, even when they were driving me bat s**t crazy. exactly what i needed. it's the first long weekend in a long time, a chance to unwind, decompress. a little burned on my back, next time i'll ask my sister, not my niece to apply sunscreen on my back. i read for pleasure and listened to frank sinatra songs coming from a neighbor's radio. tomorrow is another day of work but it'll be a little easier to face.
it was a gorgeous day. after spending most of the day indoors yesterday it was amazing to go to the beach today. only for a couple of hours. the water was cold. the waves and wind were strong. the sun bright. i chatted with my sister ces, catching up with her. it's been awhile since we've spent time. too much work. too much time away. we rattled on and it felt good. sand between my toes. salt water in my hair. sun on my skin, warming my bones. yum. my head is clear. i can face another day.
My brain is on fire. I have a migraine that won't let up. It has been intense the last two days and in the worst moments I feel like I'm coming apart. Ripping at the seams. I am functioning enough to get through my day job but there is nothing left over by the time I get home. Hollowed out. Think pumpkin-seed entrails. What the hell is bringing this on? Stress? Probably but when isn't life stressful. I am unable to string together enough coherent thoughts together.
Someone asked me recently, "What's it all for?" He was talking about the larger narrative. About life. About being human in this world. What kind of answer could I have mustered to satisfy that question? I looked at the bottom of my whiskey glass for a reply. My hands flitted around like lost birds trying to catch an answer. But really, how the heck should I know? I'm trying to figure this out for myself too. I am trying to figure out how to fit time for my writing and creative endeavors while holding down a full time job with all it's machinations and office politics while also dealing with my crazy family. My hands give me away as I clasp on tightly to my calm exterior, the cracks are showing on the thin veneer. I am trying to create quiet spaces for myself so I can watch the sunrise or sunset, trying to remember to breathe deeply. Feeling it when love surrounds me but also feeling the edges of a lonely soul. Aching to be closer to the ideal life, whatever that might look like. I crave a quietness that stems from the soul. Someone that's satisfied with who I am in this moment, instead of always feeling like I'm falling short from being a better person. There is so much to be done and we are wasting time not doing much. I am cat-sitting in Chelsea, keeping Otis and Tessa stocked up on munchies, water and catnip. Nice space with mewling kitties in the background. Must run, working on some poetry.
I write and I paint. Then I try to articulate some coherent thoughts about the creative process on this blog. In between those moments of producing work, I take photos, listen to groovy music, watch indie movies, read (a lot), go hear live music (preferably someone that rocks), go to the theater to see a new play from time to time, watch sci-fi movies, and continue to cultivate my curiosity. Then I write about that too.
