I was looking around for some new music and came across this artist – Emily King. OMG! Love, love, love her sound. I’ve uploaded a song from a live set at Rockwood Music Hall. I can’t stop listening to it.
Enjoy!
L~
Wednesday. It’s a cold, windy, rainy day. It feels like extreme weather so I’m out there with a smile on my face…that is until the wind picks up and I have to tuck my chin in. People are out there with umbrellas which are useless since the rain is coming at you sideways. I would love to be curled up in a big easy chair with a mug of hot tea and the current book I’m reading, Jonathan Carroll’s, Sleeping in Flames. Instead I’m in a beige cube with a mug of earl grey tea, writing this entry while listening to The Raconteurs, Blue Veins. Perfect music for this cold day. I can finally listen to Jack White without gritting my teeth…Hahaha.
Do you know what I miss today? I miss vinyl. I miss being able to put on a record onto a record player and the purity of that sound. Funny how nostalgic one gets for the past. Yes, I can probably go out and buy these items today but what’s the point when the digital age dominates the industry. Growing up I loved my record collection. Records and books that’s where my allowance money would go. Not much has really changed. Music and books is what I like to spend money on. So as I’m listening to Jack White, The Raconteurs and The Black Keys this sound is so familiar to me. I mean it sounds like the music I grew up with. It sounds both contemporary as well as a blast from the past. Anyway, I'm putting up a video from one of The Raconteurs live shows.
Saturday. Cold grey day with rain. There is much to do and I'm having a hard time getting started. I keep staring out my window. I'm turning a new page in my life and I feel like I'm standing on the precipice of a new chapter. That moment when the old version of events are no longer holding me back from the possibility of what comes next. I feel panicked and excited. New opportunities are unfolding in front of me and I can feel it. A quiet before the storm. A gathering of power. Hmmm.
A sage cleansing is in order. Time to prepare.
Peace,
L~
I am exhausted but content on this cold winter morning.
Tegan & Sara at the Beacon last night…what an amazing show! I love the fact that this duo has such a following. There were moments when we were all singing along and all these voices coming together, joining in, echoing throughout the theater, made this night powerful. Old and new songs sung and an encore performance. Yay! Living Room, Walking with a Ghost and I Couldn’t Be Your Friend were my favorite songs of the night. What a great concert!! They play again tonight and for a second, I thought about buying tickets to go see them again. But I’ve tempered the impulse. I’ll enjoy the night for what it was and do something else tonight. I've attached an audio file of "I Couldn't Be Your Friend." This album HeartThrob has really grown on me. There were some songs that I was iffy about at first but then I would be in a certain mood or hear a line or a music phrase and find a deeper appreciation for it.
Anyway, after the show I took the crosstown bus and for some reason every time I do this after a show from the Beacon, I get lost. I was wandering around 3rd Ave and 79th Street for about 20 minutes looking for a the subway station. This is the third time that's happened to me. It was late and cold so there was no one on the streets to ask. So I headed uptown and walked over one block west to find some familiar streets. I found the station. yay!! Here's the thing, I always confuse 79th with 86th. Down that street the bus drops me off right in front of my train station. That will not happen to me again, (I think). If it wasn't so cold I would have appreciated the walk. I got home at half past midnight, took a long hot shower and tried to sleep. But my neighbors kid was crying up a storm last night until half past one. Late, late night...makes for a bleary-eyed version of me today.
Writing Update: On Monday, I spent about 4.5 hours writing. The ending needs more work but what I have so far is working. My inner critic is doing the “kind-of” sign in the back of my brain. I also started writing the epilogue chapter. It’s written in a bit of a shorthand sort of way so there is plenty to develop out. As I write this chapter I can feel more story unfolding. Ergh! I’m just letting it come out. No stopping it this time. Who knows it might become the sequel. Or perhaps there is a bit more story to tell before the novel actually ends. We shall see how that turns out.
Yesterday, no writing. Too busy at work and then the concert at night. Instead, I sat and read an article in the New Yorker about Amy Bishop, the woman who killed three colleagues at the University of Alabama in 2010. I have a germ of an idea after reading the piece. More scraps of notes in the bottom of my purse. There is a story / play in there somewhere.
It's Sunday night and I spent the day writing. Worked on my novel. Boy, did that feel lovely. I worked for five hours straight. Retyped a chapter. Revised a couple more and it's really taking shape. What I was cringing over last month... really wasn't so bad. In fact, the changes were coming through faster than I could type them out. Tonight I have such a deep feeling of satisfaction that I can barely sleep.
I've been dreaming about this story for so long and its just a matter of time before I finish it. I have to go back and revise some of the earlier chapters to smooth them out with the newer chapters. I have to make sure that it's following a logical storyline (more or less). I also want to give it to a former classmate to line edit the manuscript for me. I need to see if she's up for the task. She's such a careful editor that I'm hoping she has time to look it over because I want to start sending the manuscript out by June. That is a feasible deadline. Yay...doin' a little dance.
Peace,
L~
Bright Friday Morning. While waiting for the train, I found a spot on the platform that had the sun shining directly on my face. Yum. I closed my eyes and let the light…lighten my mood. And boy did that work! Usually, I’m so light sensitive that I’m skimming the shadows but that small dose of sunlight lifted my spirits.
With a long weekend ahead and some cash in my pocket…I am itching to do something fun. I actually don’t know what that entails yet but just keeping my options open for the time being.
I finished Among Others last night and it was such a crap ending. I am sincerely pissed that I read that book cover to cover. Ergh! What a waste!! I meant to grab another book from the shelf this morning but I was running late. I feel a purge coming on, just go through my shelves and see what books I can give away. I actually like leaving paperbacks on trains and benches. Technically, I know it’s littering but you never know who might need a book to read.
Ooooo I just realized that I have several comic books that I haven’t read yet. How did I forget about them? Well I remember buying them before I moved several years ago and put them into storage while I was living in my folk’s house. Then when I moved to this new apartment last year, I took everything out of storage but I JUST REMEMBERED NOW that I have a slew of graphic novels and comic books that I’ve never even read. Cool beans…it’s going to be like Christmas.
I am buzzing with excitement!! I scored tickets to see Ben Howard in concert at Central Park in July AND tickets to see HALESTORM at Roseland Ballroom in April. WooHoo!! I am so hyped up that I can barely sit still.
The sun is out today. That’s helped perk me up. I’ve been pretty crabby most of this month so far. Yep, you read that right. The month. That’s why the posts have been fewer and far between lately. I am trying not to whinge too much up on this platform. I have moments of respite but for the most part I’ve been grumbling into my teacup pretty consistently. Today that dark cloud over my head has some sun rays breaking through.
Let’s see what have I been up to that I could share? I’ve been spending most of my downtime reading these days. Currently reading Jo Walton’s Among Others. I have to say, I don’t really understand why it has won so many awards. It’s such a simple story that I’m completely perplexed at the hype over this book. As I’ve been reading along, I’ve been expecting the story to become richer. It reads like a compendium to the Science Fiction genre. Indicating to other titles to make a point and you have to have a vast knowledge of the genre to get the connection. Hmph. I am a chapter away from finishing the book and the big confrontation is happening…but it’s all so very late in the game at this point. Ergh! As a reader, there is just no level of satisfaction. As a writer, the craft, the story arc just feels a bit incomplete, as if, there was more story to tell. This is one of those books that I’ll leave in the lobby of my building for someone else to pick up. No point in taking up bookshelf space. That’s the other reason why I’m a bit miffed at this novel, I actually bought a hardcopy. I was browsing in St. Mark’s bookstore, a small indie shop, perusing the shelves and I read the back cover copy and it promised me so much more than the book delivered. I thought it was going to be a keeper, the kind that I would read over and over again. If nothing else, I think it’s taught me to start using the library more regularly…hehehe.
I haven’t been watching much television. All the shows (even my favorites) seem so vacuous these days. So my DVR is creating quite the collection of unwatched shows.
I think it’s time to raid my shelves for something more substantial like Philip Pullman or Kathe Koja. I want to let the rest of the world fall away and become lost in someone else’s world. Perhaps it’s time to go back to my novel and start the revising process. *nervous at the prospect *
Last bit, Ben Howard is singing at Central Park Summerstage in July. I’m going to see if I can pick up a ticket for that concert. I think he’s going to be fantastic live.
I’m attaching an old Tegan & Sara song, Living Room to this entry. Next Tuesday is their make-up concert after last month’s cancellation. Yay! * Joy! Joy! *
Have I mentioned lately how much I love snow? This morning on my way to the train station, the snowflakes were plump as they were falling. They stuck to my eyelashes, so it looked like I had tiny white fur muffs for my eyelashes. Haha!! The only thing I don’t like is when the wind picked up and the snow started coming at me sideways. Too many landed inside my ears....eeek!! I don’t like the way cold melting snowflakes feel in my ears. Ergh!! The storm is supposed to hit this area later tonight so the office is dead quiet this afternoon. Most people stayed home…so what the heck am I doing here? It’s almost 2 pm and I’m ready to go home and hibernate. My sister has a couple of bottles of wine at home…yes, break out the Malbec. Yum.
On Wednesday, I had to stay home because I had a full on migraine. Light sensitivity, nausea, and half my head on fire. Then once it passed a hollowed out aching feeling in my skull. Once the pain passed I could function again.
On Thursday, I was met with a wall of paper. The term paper-pusher was earned on that day. Haha!!
Today, I’ve been going through bouts of annoyances but I realized that it stems from being a control freak. There are some systems at my day job that are not very efficient. Ergh. That type A personality is such a pain in the ass at times. I need to channel that Type A personality for my own life, for my own work. Perhaps, the lack of writing the last week and half has me a bit on edge. Okay, late next week back to revising the novel.
Monday. Bright winter sun. There is a bite to the wind. My face wanted to crack off this morning. Just tucked my chin and kept walking.
I spent the weekend in therapy. Haha. Actually, more like a marathon of Season 2 of Being Erica. A little Canadian show that I loved because it was smart and quirky and it had a lot of heart. Anyway, on this show Erica Strange is going through special kind of therapy and I followed her down the rabbit hole. The show has been off the air for about a year now and watching this show again felt like I was visiting with old friends. Even better I was reminded of when I take things too seriously, I am either caught up too much in the past or worrying too much about to the future and forgetting about what is working in my present. I know I’ve written numerous times of this phenomenon. It seems to be a broken record for me. However, something else I took away from the show was that the grief I feel needs to be felt and it will go away eventually. I felt reassured. I’ve been told on more than one occasion that I’m too hard on myself. Hmmm perhaps.
Talking to my best friend yesterday, he reminded me that when I venture into a new territory I have a tendency to retreat and self-sabotage. Or at least turn the anxiety and insecurities against myself. Yes, very true. Don’t we all? Oh no? Really? Not everyone does that? Trying new things isn’t always very comfortable for me. And I’ve been trying to expand my social circle by dating again. Ergh. I always know that I’m going into unchartered territories when I started doing the cha-cha. You know the moves. Two steps forward, two steps back, one step forward, two back. You get the point. I think what I’ve been failing to mention is that I’m still trying my hand at it…I haven’t quit. There is no YET at the end of that sentence.
Anyway, I know I have a lot of pent up anger and perhaps I should take up boxing or kick-boxing. I need to do something about this high level of aggression coursing through my veins. ‘Cause I can feel my mouth start to pull into a snarl when dealing with people lately. My mild manner façade is starting to fray at the edges.
My personal to-do list is long today. I need to clone myself and have them work on half the list while I work the other half. Or cut my list in half so I don’t quit before I even start. Hehehe. I need to trick myself into getting some work done. What I would rather do is just go home, change my clothes and take a nap. Since that’s not actually going to happen…break the list in half will be more like it.
All for now.
Peace,
All righty then. I’m still in a bit of a mood but not quite as bad as yesterday. I’ve booked a vacation. All that steam coming out of my ears is truly a sign that I need a holiday. It’s for late spring. Flight is booked. Hotel is booked. I can pay it off in the next three months so I think I’m all set. A little gallery-hopping, museum-hopping, theater holiday outside of NYC. Yay!!
Jumping subjects: I picked up the book “Enough is Enough: Building a Sustainable Economy in a World of Finite Resources” by Rob Dietz and Dan O’Neill. Talk about a little light reading on the train to work.
My brain seems to be turning over several things at once and I’m just capturing moments from it.
Have you ever had a crush on someone so deep that you’d get a knot in the pit of your stomach whenever you saw them? They’d actually make you catch your breath whenever you caught a glimpse of them. Or your heart ached a little when you just knew nothing would ever come of it? Not meant to be. The feeling is so familiar that when it blooms, it reminds me of my ex. The one who I loved on and off for 15 years. The one who when I think of still brings tears to my eyes even after all this time. I’ve been writing this paragraph for the past fifteen minutes and I keep stopping because I could feel a sob start to well up in my throat. Anyway, back to my initial point…the thing with crushes is that they remind me of that deep abiding grief that resides within me. Instead of feeling bubbly and excited about the prospect of someone new entering my life…it just opens up that door. Pandora’s box.
I write and I paint. Then I try to articulate some coherent thoughts about the creative process on this blog. In between those moments of producing work, I take photos, listen to groovy music, watch indie movies, read (a lot), go hear live music (preferably someone that rocks), go to the theater to see a new play from time to time, watch sci-fi movies, and continue to cultivate my curiosity. Then I write about that too.
