Walking Ghost

All righty then. I’m still in a bit of a mood but not quite as bad as yesterday. I’ve booked a vacation. All that steam coming out of my ears is truly a sign that I need a holiday. It’s for late spring. Flight is booked. Hotel is booked. I can pay it off in the next three months so I think I’m all set. A little gallery-hopping, museum-hopping, theater holiday outside of NYC. Yay!!

Jumping subjects: I picked up the book “Enough is Enough: Building a Sustainable Economy in a World of Finite Resources” by Rob Dietz and Dan O’Neill. Talk about a little light reading on the train to work.
My brain seems to be turning over several things at once and I’m just capturing moments from it.

Have you ever had a crush on someone so deep that you’d get a knot in the pit of your stomach whenever you saw them? They’d actually make you catch your breath whenever you caught a glimpse of them. Or your heart ached a little when you just knew nothing would ever come of it? Not meant to be. The feeling is so familiar that when it blooms, it reminds me of my ex. The one who I loved on and off for 15 years. The one who when I think of still brings tears to my eyes even after all this time. I’ve been writing this paragraph for the past fifteen minutes and I keep stopping because I could feel a sob start to well up in my throat. Anyway, back to my initial point…the thing with crushes is that they remind me of that deep abiding grief that resides within me. Instead of feeling bubbly and excited about the prospect of someone new entering my life…it just opens up that door. Pandora’s box.

That one tiny paragraph above was a lot harder to write than I thought. Okay. Since I didn’t see Tegan and Sara in concert on Monday…I’ve been listening to them non-stop all week. Here is an acoustic set of Ocean.
I’m out.
Peace,
L~
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