Monday Again

Monday. Bright winter sun. There is a bite to the wind. My face wanted to crack off this morning. Just tucked my chin and kept walking.

I spent the weekend in therapy. Haha. Actually, more like a marathon of Season 2 of Being Erica. A little Canadian show that I loved because it was smart and quirky and it had a lot of heart. Anyway, on this show Erica Strange is going through special kind of therapy and I followed her down the rabbit hole. The show has been off the air for about a year now and watching this show again felt like I was visiting with old friends. Even better I was reminded of when I take things too seriously, I am either caught up too much in the past or worrying too much about to the future and forgetting about what is working in my present. I know I’ve written numerous times of this phenomenon. It seems to be a broken record for me. However, something else I took away from the show was that the grief I feel needs to be felt and it will go away eventually. I felt reassured. I’ve been told on more than one occasion that I’m too hard on myself. Hmmm perhaps.

Talking to my best friend yesterday, he reminded me that when I venture into a new territory I have a tendency to retreat and self-sabotage. Or at least turn the anxiety and insecurities against myself. Yes, very true. Don’t we all? Oh no? Really? Not everyone does that? Trying new things isn’t always very comfortable for me. And I’ve been trying to expand my social circle by dating again. Ergh. I always know that I’m going into unchartered territories when I started doing the cha-cha. You know the moves. Two steps forward, two steps back, one step forward, two back. You get the point. I think what I’ve been failing to mention is that I’m still trying my hand at it…I haven’t quit. There is no YET at the end of that sentence.

Anyway, I know I have a lot of pent up anger and perhaps I should take up boxing or kick-boxing. I need to do something about this high level of aggression coursing through my veins. ‘Cause I can feel my mouth start to pull into a snarl when dealing with people lately. My mild manner façade is starting to fray at the edges.

My personal to-do list is long today. I need to clone myself and have them work on half the list while I work the other half. Or cut my list in half so I don’t quit before I even start. Hehehe. I need to trick myself into getting some work done. What I would rather do is just go home, change my clothes and take a nap. Since that’s not actually going to happen…break the list in half will be more like it.
All for now.
Peace,

L~

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