Crazy Week

This past week has been challenging but for a change I've been able to keep sight of the silver lining. Monday I was told that my temp gig was going to end the next day, Tuesday.  Then Tuesday came and they asked me to stay for another month. Then this week Pandora was really sick.  Lots of vet visits, trying different meds to get her stabilized and sheer panic at seeing her so sick. At one point I thought I would have to put her down and then a total reversal. New meds, some steroids, stronger anti-nauseus pills and Pandora is almost back to her old self.  Stressful but relieved that she's doing better. There is more on the personal side but taking some time to sort it out.  Writing is non-existent since the week has been so crazed. Need some time to recharge.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Resolved.

It's Sunday. Summer has barely begun and the days are so hot, I barely move.  I woke up writing lines of poetry in my head this morning. Now, I am sitting in front of a fan willing some synapses to fire to work on my novel. Pandora is curled up next to my computer.  She keeps me company when she thinks I'm getting ready for a long writing jag. I'm not sure that's really going to happen.  I am restless. I can hear the washing machine going in the back room. And the woman that I'm seeing is coming back into town later today and she's going to want to talk. Perhaps. The bravado I felt last night has abandoned me. Oh dear. So I need to keep busy. At the very least, work on something to get my mind from turning traitor. She gave me a catalog of new music to listen to and I haven't touch them yet. I didn't want the music to influence my resolve.
Peace,
L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Odd Leaps

Helmut Newton, 1979

I've been dating again which is always odd at this stage in my life.  As I've gotten older, I'm realizing that I tend to be clearer about what I want and what I need from the kinds of relationships I enter. And communicating those wants, altho' at times is difficult, is necessary. When I was younger I just expected folks to read my mind, anticipate my needs and cater to me.  Isn't that what every little girl wants?

But god oh god, it's work to be upfront.  It takes effort to be even-keel enough to say, gosh this really isn't working and I'd like to re-negotiate some of the terms of this relationship. It really isn't easy, in fact it's downright uncomfortable and quite frankly sometimes those needs won't be met.  But it feels empowering to articulate those thoughts anyway.  I feel lit up from within because for a change I wasn't going to stay quiet. I've shed a few tears, spent time journaling through this process, and nothing is really resolved yet.

In fact, this feels more like the quiet before the storm but no matter what the outcome I'm putting into practice just being who I really am in a relationship.  The whole person part of me, both the vulnerable as well as the strong part of who I am. Glad I'm learning this lesson today and I'm sure I'll continue to work on this practice.  *big deep breath*  Just when I think I'm done taking big leaps...here presents a new opportunity.  Glad I haven't forgotten how to jump. :-)

Peace,

L~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.