Hiding Under a Blanket of Music

Okay, I readily admit that I am NOT an optimistic person. You’ve read that right and I easily admit it. There is something in my hard wiring where I look at a glass of water and not only do I think it’s half empty but I’m checking to see what kind of toxins are swimming in it. (Yes, that’s been my running joke for a long time, you can’t expect me to give it up now.) This state of pessimism I’ve always re-labeled as being a realist but who was I kidding, I expect the worst to happen. Living in this state of perpetual despondency has at times made it incredibly difficult to enjoy the good when it happens.

I haven’t done much writing on my novel, ergh. It makes my mouth twist up to one side and it’s incredibly frustrating to report that I’m at a stand still on this project. I can’t force things to move forward and I’ve lost some of the heat behind it. My writer friends keep telling me that maybe the work needs more time to incubate. *grumble, grumble, dark storm cloud gathering over my head* My patience is running thin with this work. I’ve decided to put it back on the shelf for the next month. Even writing that sentence makes my stomach and jaw tighten. It feels like I have failed the project some how. Nine chapters in and I’ve fallen asleep at the wheel. How did that happen?

The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that I’m working on a new theater project. It’s too early to start “talking” about it just yet. This idea is a fetus right now and I need writing time to give it some legs. I’m researching some material for it and jotting down ideas on index cards... and I am trying not to look at the binder on the shelf. I’m giving myself a month to write up the first 90-page draft, which comes out to 3 pages a day, which I am capable of doing. I am going to bring it to the writing group only after the first draft has been written. It’ll be easier to explain my intention if I have the material written out ahead of time.

Anyway, going back to the initial impulse of writing this blog entry: I’m going to be more optimistic in the next coming weeks. I’m doing it til the habits sticks. It takes 21 days of daily practice for a habit to form.  Let's see if I can form some new pathways in this stiffening grey matter of mine. I’m going to make a short list of things (ok just 4 things) that I’d like to change about myself and work on them every day. Let’s see how that goes. Wish me luck. :-)

In the meantime, I’ve been hiding under a blanket of music. It’s the only thing that gets me out of my head lately. Thanks to the readers who have been sending me suggestions, they are appreciated. I don’t always put the music or the comments up if the music doesn’t resonate with me (I have quirky tastes), so no hard feelings.

Best,

Lily~
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