White Eyelashes

Have I mentioned lately how much I love snow? This morning on my way to the train station, the snowflakes were plump as they were falling. They stuck to my eyelashes, so it looked like I had tiny white fur muffs for my eyelashes. Haha!! The only thing I don’t like is when the wind picked up and the snow started coming at me sideways. Too many landed inside my ears....eeek!! I don’t like the way cold melting snowflakes feel in my ears. Ergh!! The storm is supposed to hit this area later tonight so the office is dead quiet this afternoon. Most people stayed home…so what the heck am I doing here? It’s almost 2 pm and I’m ready to go home and hibernate. My sister has a couple of bottles of wine at home…yes, break out the Malbec. Yum.

On Wednesday, I had to stay home because I had a full on migraine. Light sensitivity, nausea, and half my head on fire. Then once it passed a hollowed out aching feeling in my skull. Once the pain passed I could function again.

On Thursday, I was met with a wall of paper. The term paper-pusher was earned on that day. Haha!!

Today, I’ve been going through bouts of annoyances but I realized that it stems from being a control freak. There are some systems at my day job that are not very efficient. Ergh. That type A personality is such a pain in the ass at times. I need to channel that Type A personality for my own life, for my own work. Perhaps, the lack of writing the last week and half has me a bit on edge. Okay, late next week back to revising the novel.

Last bit, I’ve embedded Pink’s new video Just Give Me A Reason above. Love the song. I’ve played it so many times today!!  Enjoy!!!
Peace,
L~
All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Monday Again

Monday. Bright winter sun. There is a bite to the wind. My face wanted to crack off this morning. Just tucked my chin and kept walking.

I spent the weekend in therapy. Haha. Actually, more like a marathon of Season 2 of Being Erica. A little Canadian show that I loved because it was smart and quirky and it had a lot of heart. Anyway, on this show Erica Strange is going through special kind of therapy and I followed her down the rabbit hole. The show has been off the air for about a year now and watching this show again felt like I was visiting with old friends. Even better I was reminded of when I take things too seriously, I am either caught up too much in the past or worrying too much about to the future and forgetting about what is working in my present. I know I’ve written numerous times of this phenomenon. It seems to be a broken record for me. However, something else I took away from the show was that the grief I feel needs to be felt and it will go away eventually. I felt reassured. I’ve been told on more than one occasion that I’m too hard on myself. Hmmm perhaps.

Talking to my best friend yesterday, he reminded me that when I venture into a new territory I have a tendency to retreat and self-sabotage. Or at least turn the anxiety and insecurities against myself. Yes, very true. Don’t we all? Oh no? Really? Not everyone does that? Trying new things isn’t always very comfortable for me. And I’ve been trying to expand my social circle by dating again. Ergh. I always know that I’m going into unchartered territories when I started doing the cha-cha. You know the moves. Two steps forward, two steps back, one step forward, two back. You get the point. I think what I’ve been failing to mention is that I’m still trying my hand at it…I haven’t quit. There is no YET at the end of that sentence.

Anyway, I know I have a lot of pent up anger and perhaps I should take up boxing or kick-boxing. I need to do something about this high level of aggression coursing through my veins. ‘Cause I can feel my mouth start to pull into a snarl when dealing with people lately. My mild manner façade is starting to fray at the edges.

My personal to-do list is long today. I need to clone myself and have them work on half the list while I work the other half. Or cut my list in half so I don’t quit before I even start. Hehehe. I need to trick myself into getting some work done. What I would rather do is just go home, change my clothes and take a nap. Since that’s not actually going to happen…break the list in half will be more like it.
All for now.
Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Walking Ghost

All righty then. I’m still in a bit of a mood but not quite as bad as yesterday. I’ve booked a vacation. All that steam coming out of my ears is truly a sign that I need a holiday. It’s for late spring. Flight is booked. Hotel is booked. I can pay it off in the next three months so I think I’m all set. A little gallery-hopping, museum-hopping, theater holiday outside of NYC. Yay!!

Jumping subjects: I picked up the book “Enough is Enough: Building a Sustainable Economy in a World of Finite Resources” by Rob Dietz and Dan O’Neill. Talk about a little light reading on the train to work.
My brain seems to be turning over several things at once and I’m just capturing moments from it.

Have you ever had a crush on someone so deep that you’d get a knot in the pit of your stomach whenever you saw them? They’d actually make you catch your breath whenever you caught a glimpse of them. Or your heart ached a little when you just knew nothing would ever come of it? Not meant to be. The feeling is so familiar that when it blooms, it reminds me of my ex. The one who I loved on and off for 15 years. The one who when I think of still brings tears to my eyes even after all this time. I’ve been writing this paragraph for the past fifteen minutes and I keep stopping because I could feel a sob start to well up in my throat. Anyway, back to my initial point…the thing with crushes is that they remind me of that deep abiding grief that resides within me. Instead of feeling bubbly and excited about the prospect of someone new entering my life…it just opens up that door. Pandora’s box.

That one tiny paragraph above was a lot harder to write than I thought. Okay. Since I didn’t see Tegan and Sara in concert on Monday…I’ve been listening to them non-stop all week. Here is an acoustic set of Ocean.
I’m out.
Peace,
L~
All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2013 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.