What Next?

Last week, I took a week off of writing.  I gave myself a much needed break.  Some head space to chill.  It's usually not a good thing when I am NOT writing.  I go a bit off-kilter and I start to lose it a little. That's not really what happened last week.  I just needed some air.  I mean, I felt constricted and I felt as if I was working ALL THE TIME and it became difficult to broach the computer or the blank page.  So what did I do?  I read a little, I crocheted a little, I played some Scrabble (my favorite game), watched some cheesy musicals and sci-fi movies and even sketched.  It did the trick.  

I also printed out my manuscript some time during the week.  On that day, I had 79 pages (double-spaced) and I was completely thrilled.  Even with all my complaints, it's really happening.  This novel is really coming alive.  And it's AMAZING (not the writing, the fact that it's getting done)!!  I thought I would have a first draft out by the end of this month but I guess it will take a bit longer to finish it.  I need to be more diligent about putting time into it.

Late Saturday morning, I worked for about 4.5 hours and managed to write another 2,000 words. Yay! (That included breaks to put in a couple of loads of laundry to wash and dry). Anyway, tonight I added another 500 words.  So I'm pleased with myself (I'm not bragging. I just mean that I'm proud of myself.) For anyone who doesn't know me very well those are not easy words for me to come by.  I push myself very hard without ever really giving myself credit with the work that I am accomplishing.  So this is me giving myself a pat on the back (for a change). With the new word count, I am up to 86 pages and over 26,500 words.  Hoorah!!  I'm shooting for 50,000 for the first draft but let's see where this story takes me.  I've printed out the last six pages I've written and have neatly placed them in my bag for my morning commute.  In the meantime, I'm signing off for tonight because my eyes are tired and bloodshot and I need to get up early tomorrow for work.

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Turning Over A New Leaf

Today I’m going to turn over a new leaf with this blog. I am going to stop whinging away on it. Don’t gasp, it’s true. It’s too easy for me to get stuck in this weird place of listing every aggravating thing that happens in my life. The truth is we all deal with difficulties and there is no point in giving it more credence than it deserves.

Instead, I am going to focus on the writing (and how that’s going), movies, art, music and anything that gets me super excited. At the end of the day, there are a lot of things out there in this world that bring me real pleasure. For example, walking to the subway today, the sun was bright and the air was crisp. It’s a fleeting moment of real beauty. Yum.

With that said, let’s get to it. So the night before last, I added another 913 words to my novel. It’s moving along. I really wish I knew where this story was heading. I sincerely have a deer-in-the-headlight look on my face when I approach the page these days. But I trust the process and spend time with these characters a little bit every day. I don’t quite have the language of the children down yet…they talk older than their chronological age. It’s taking every ounce of self will not to try to edit while I write this rough draft. I have to gently remind myself edits come after I finish the story. The climax is coming up and I’m not sure if I’m ready to tackle it yet. I am just focusing on the next 1,000 words. If I keep the blinders on, I don’t spook so easily. Hehehe…it’s funny ‘cause it’s true.

On a personal note, I found out my 10-year old kitty Pandora has been sick for quite some time. In the past year, she’s gone from being a 15 lbs cat down to 9 lbs. At first, I thought it was a natural weight loss because she was getting older and it happened so gradually. I told some friends and they thought it might be diabetes. So this past week has been about vet visits, blood work, waiting for test results, talking to the vet about meds and costs. She has hyperthyroidism which can be managed with meds. I have to thank my lovely friends for all their love and support these past weeks. It’s helped me stay calm despite my rising panic. Pandora has been with me through thick and thin the past 7 years and I’m glad she is on the mend.

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Bitty Blog

I spent Monday writing. Thank goodness! I thought for sure that I was never ever going to know the “what next” of this story. To be candid, I still don’t quite know yet but I plodded through a couple of more pages. My brain wants me to make changes and edits NOW but I need to finish out the story arc before I start going back to add/delete/change what I’ve written so far. Otherwise, I’m just going to get stuck into a loop of the same three or four chapters without a coherent sense of either the climax or the ending. I thought for sure my disposition/mood would lift instantaneously with a few more pages under my belt. But that doesn’t seem to be the case and I continue to grumble my way through this icy rainy day.

My day job has been very busy of late. Year-end reports and a new batch of candidates / recruits are working their way through this office and I seem to be playing the role of traffic cop. I don’t mind busy…it keeps my brain from spinning out of control. However, I find myself dreaming about white sandy beaches and clear blue water. It might be the winter blues…yes, it could be that. And day dreaming about beaches really doesn’t help matters…in fact, it makes me grumpier. Hehehe. Yes…I giggled because even I know how pathetic I sound at the moment.

I do have to say that my little African violet has a handful of purple blossoms open at the moment. It’s a lovely burst of color in this very beige office. And the color helps me deal with the people in this office who throw hissy fits when things don’t go their way. Yes, apparently adults can be toddlers too. Is it wrong to openly laugh at them? Hmmm?


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2010 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Room

I spent last night and early morning reading Emma Donoghue’s novel, Room. The protagonist is a 5-year old boy and it’s written from his point of view. I thought if I couldn’t do much in the way of writing, I may as well read/research for my novel. Since I have some young characters in my story, I thought this book would help give me ideas on how language is used in the mouth of a young child. But this novel doesn’t seem to work for me for that purpose. Wait, that’s not quite right. On the one hand, the fact that this child has a limited world view works really well. So there is some leeway in the way words and language are manipulated. However, this heavy-handed version of child’s point of view is difficult on this reader. I found myself trying to skim through parts to get past the very young introverted portion of the character. It’s a difficult balance. At times, the language is ballooned but those are the times that I am pulled out of the story.

I am a big fan of Emma Donoghue and this is not a review of her book…I am looking at the craft of this particular novel in relationship to the science fiction story that I am trying to write. My mind is circling around the “what next?” of my story and the answer right now is “I don’t know.” At times, I really want to give it up and just move on to work on some poetry or a short story just to get me writing again. In fact, this blog entry is helpful to understand the way I’m thinking about this story that I’m trying to develop.

This week, I worked on some loose sketches for some painting projects down the line. Playing with some color helped to chill out this frustrated mood I’ve been in. It’s not completely gone but the bad mood is not the only thing I see now. The last couple of days have been bittery cold here in New York City. The wind burns the edges of my face but the cold feels good. It reminds me that I am alive and awake and I can move forward with my novel. 


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

The Piano Teacher

So over the weekend in my quest for rest and recovery time I watched a french movie called The Piano Teacher.  This was a dark twisted movie and in my current state of mind appropriate.

There is a moment when the protagonist Erika begins to crack open to let another human being in and I was rooting for her to find love and get her happily ever after but it went terribly terribly wrong. (I should have know, it is a french film after all.) And the moment it goes wrong it was heartbreaking to watch.  She is this broken creature too damaged to let love in.  And when the young love interest tries to fulfill her desires, he in turn is tainted with the damage he causes.  It's absolutely devastating.  The story has stayed with me for the past couple of days now.  It hasn't let go, there are scenes that replay in my head and I want her to make another choice.  It's a long film, close to three hours, and at the very end...I still wanted her to be well enough to reach for what she craved most.  The ending is brutal for a hopeless romantic like myself.

The movie made such a deep impression that I wanted to share it.

Lily~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Lousy week

I really thought after having such an excellent time with the MOMA visit that it would be all butterflies and daffodils the rest of the week.  Boy was I wrong!!  I've had the lousiest week ever.  Where do I begin?

Well, first off, I didn't write this week (with the exception of that one blog entry, nothing else.) That alone has left me in a foul mood.  I've allowed life distractions to get in the way and now I'm feeling irked at myself.  I had some real momentum going a couple of weeks ago with the story and since then I haven't written a thing.  Ergh!   What crap!! Then I lost my monthly metrocard (which I just bought)...and I'm one of those people that really really really hates losing things.  I felt myself going a little mental over it...even turning my bag inside out and still not coming to terms with the fact that it was gone.

Then on another morning, I actually got stopped by cops and had my bag inspected...I hate that!!  Fascist pigs!!...on a day that I was running late for work, which made me miss my train and I got to the office almost twenty minutes late.  Again, what crap!!  I feel hollowed out...like someone scooped my insides and left a shell of a person standing on my stoop.  To top everything off I've come down with another chest cold...which has left me feverish, with body aches and a rattling cough...so much so that I can't sleep.  Which explains why I'm up at 1:44 am writing this blog entry.

I did manage to take a sick day from work yesterday...just couldn't get myself out of bed after a hacking cough the night before.  This morning, I reached out to a friend needing some sympathy only to have the conversation start to go down on a rant about incompetent people.  Not really what I wanted to hear and left me hanging up pretty quickly and hiding under my duvet.  So now I can't sleep.  I'm tossing and turning and coughing and there is no Nyquil to be found in the medicine cabinet.  Mental note to buy a bottle in the morning and some Lipton chicken noodle soup.  I'm really glad this week is over.



All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Happy New Year!!

I know it feels like I’ve fallen off the face of the earth but I’ve been hard at work trying to reach my goal of 50,000 words by the end of 2010. Unfortunately, I didn’t reach it. Ergh. My face just went crooked. I know this was a self-imposed goal and I think it was my way of getting into the habit of writing every day on the actual novel. Two weeks ago I wrote over 7,000 words and last week I reach 5,000 words. I also managed to pull together an application for a writing grant. * keeping my fingers crossed on that one. *

On Sunday, I finally, finally, finally went to the MOMA to check out the Abstract Expressionist New York exhibit. Despite the crowds, I still managed to have those moments when the crowd fell away and my body felt on fire experiencing these pieces first hand. There were Pollocks which always makes my heart beat just a little bit faster. Why does his work affect me so? I think he was having an encounter with God/Spirit/the Universe when he did some of his paintings. They crackle and sparkle with life. I get goose bumps when I look upon his work because he was onto something so profound and the only way he could transmit that experience was through his paintings.

And then there was de Kooning, I think as I’ve gotten older I’ve really started to appreciate his work. His one piece, A Tree in Naples is exquisite and the blue so vibrant and alive that I couldn’t help but just stay there and look for awhile. Lee Krasner’s Gaea was exciting to see and seems to bloom off the canvas. She has this spray/splatter technique that she used sparingly but it gives the piece movement. I was also pleased to see a painting by Joan Mitchell, Ladybug. I had mentioned discovering this artist for the first time over the summer so it was amazing to see one of her pieces in person. Oh, and Hedda Sterne’s New York, VIII captured the essence of New York City. Although it’s a dark piece, the light elements on the canvas gave it a hazy glow. Alfred Leslie’s, The Second Two-Panel Horizontal was subtle and understated with its bluish-grey hues and contrasting black fields but it made a gorgeous impact.

I sometimes struggle over the idea of buying prints of some of these pieces but realize the posters are such a flat medium in contrast to the thick impasto use of paints. For example, I think it was Richard Pousette-Dart’s piece, Desert who built up his canvas so thickly that it was a relief painting. A print couldn’t capture the beauty of that landscape. Anyway, looking at these abstract pieces reminds me that I miss painting. This year, I am going to make a concerted effort to spend some time in this creative medium again. I’ve been so focused on the writing that I haven’t allowed myself to play and explore the painting medium. Here’s to the creative life in the New Year. Cheers~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2010 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.