Answering the Question

I've been:
packing
drinking
watching women's soccer
making endless to do lists
resisting the urge to smoke again
huddling in bed waiting for a migraine to subside
getting my nails done in metallic purple
looking for an apartment
wishing it was Friday on a hungover Monday
raising my face to the rain on a hot humid day
remembering lost friends and lovers
mental note to pick up Pandora's prescriptions, buy her food, and clean her box
wanting, wanting, wanting to sit on a beach and watch the waves crash
resisting the urge to smash glass
stealing time with my journal to write
finding it's not enough
feeling empty staring at the blank page
careless with words
careless with time
watching the future with it's gaping maw opening wide
my tongue has gone dry
the song is stuck on pause skipping over the same word...want, want, want
the list continues endlessly stretching out unfolding down the street, getting wet under the summer rain.

Hush

Hush. I'm in the middle of a thought.

Reluctant Writer

May was a very busy month with my sister's wedding and it looks like June will be just as crazy.  Lots of big life upheavals are happening. My folks finally put our house up on the market and we've gone through an Open House this Sunday past. Looks like we have quite the interest going for the property but that also means I need to find an apartment, like pronto.  *sigh * Another move. Again. If I think about it too long I just want to bury my head in the sand * ostrich maneuver. *

A myriad of emotions are coming up for me because I grew up in this house.  I had some crazy notion that I was going to be able to buy this house some day but that's far from reality.  I'm trying to come to terms with that reality. Quite frankly, it's too expensive for me to upkeep anyway.  Hmph.

I haven't been able to write.  I write bits and pieces of things but nothing is gelling yet.  I'm not giving myself space and quiet to let something take hold.  Which is frustrating. I continue to journal in hopes that the act of writing out what's going on in this head will make some room for the creative stuff to come through.  But really the trouble is I'm quite blank.  A bit exhausted to be quite honest. I am turned off, tuned out, disconnected from that inner voice.  Writer's Block: When the voices in your head stop talking.  Yep, that's what's happening right now.  Double Hmph.

I've been reading. A LOT.  One of the few things I still get pleasure from and I can lose myself in the writing.  I've tried to write a blog or two on the books I've been reading but it's been hard to keep up since I seem to be devouring titles at the moment.  I finally finished Kathy Koja's Mercury Waltz.  It was quite the feat to finish that one. Despite the fact that Koja is one my favorite writers...this was by far the hardest book for me to read and follow.  It took me two-thirds way through the novel to finally understand what she was doing, jumping from scene to scene.  I may have to read it again some day but for now it's my least favorite book in her collection.

What else? I received my rejection letter from Carve magazine for my short story, Clara Betta.  I turned it around, worked for two solid days revising the piece and sent the story into a contest.  I had to whittle it down from 8,800 words down to 6,000 words.  It was no easy feat but I managed to get the word count down. I feels like I may have whittled it down too close to the bone but I had C. read the piece to make sure I didn't damage the story too much. With her thumbs up, I sent it out again.  Afterwards, drinks to soothe the sting of rejection. I'm going to keep sending it out to see if I can land it somewhere.  The other option is to put it up in my itty-bitty blog in two-parts.  Hmm.  At the end of the day, I just want folks to read my writing.

I've also seen a few films: Ex-Machina, Gemma Bovery, Far from the Madding Crowd.  All decent flicks.  My favorite of the three was the French film Gemma Bovery.  It was far funnier than I imagined. A film by Anne Fontaine.  The lead actress Gemma Arterton was perfect for this role.  

Yep, so this what I do when I don't write...
That's all I have for now.  
Peace,
L~

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