My brain is full tonight with thoughts of parallel universes and alternate realities. We go through life making a thousand decisions big and small and each of them take us down one path or another. We have encounters or miss opportunities based on those decisions and I think how different would our lives be if we had taken a chance instead of hold ourselves back. Or if we had held ourselves back when we've leapt headlong down the rabbit hole...only to find ourselves in a dead end reality. No, this blog entry is not about regrets. It's more about thinking of the larger cosmic reality. Quantum reality. The lives we are living in parallel universes and how those lives might have unfolded.
What if I had never lived with one person and had finished my graduate degree earlier? I would never have met the next person. What if I had applied and been accepted into Cooper Union to pursue an art degree instead of hiding from that desire? I would never have pursued theater and playwriting. What if I had continued teaching at the college level? What if I had moved forward without the safety net of a plan B career? Where would I be now in terms of my creative work? What if I had stayed away instead of going back? Out there in that quantum reality those lives are being lived. Which ones made a go of it? Which ones crashed and burned? Which ones are happy and jammin'? Which ones sit in the dark with a laptop asking those questions? And if I could change any of those decisions, would I have done anything differently?
What a way to fry one's brain in the middle of the night?
This is when those questions come up, late in the night when the apartment is quiet and my thoughts are allowed to run rampant through the grey matter. They bounce off the walls, make me toss and turn as if I had to make those decisions all over again. No, thank goodness once was enough. But there is hunger that stirs in the pit of my stomach. It burns with ambition...wanting best outcomes. Hell, I don't know if it's work related or life related but...it has sharp teeth. I want to tamp it down with gin and smokes but why unscrew that cap now. In the light of day, those teeth retract and I manage to melt into the moving crowds of trains and commuters. This life...this reality...is too small to appease the hunger. Must dream bigger...because the soul is restless.
All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2012 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
Pleasure Principle
I brought chapter 6 to my writing group last night and it went really well. Gosh, it’s so good to have a support system as a writer. They were positive and encouraging and they asked lots of really good decent questions that I can wrap my head around. Even some feedback that I wasn’t able to hear earlier, someone else mentioned it last night and it clicked for me.
I’ve had a note (more than once now) that I need to fill in some of the history of this futuristic world that I’m creating. I was reluctant to hear it because I knew that if that was the case I was never going to finish this story by the end of last year. So here we are the first week in January and there is more to go, more to fill in, more layers to unravel but I’m encouraged and feel pretty optimistic for a change. It could also be the mild sunny weather we are having today too. * big cheesy smile *
Anyway, I’m coming to terms with the fact that I am a slow prose writer. When I try to rush, I don’t allow the story to unravel and reveal the many little secrets that are starting to surface. It does help being more consistent in my writing practice. As in, sitting down and actually writing every day even if it’s only 200 words or just going over the work that I completed the day before. It’s my new obsession and it brings me pleasure again.
For too long, I was in a state of perpetual perfectionism that constrained me, tied me up into knots, spit me out and made me question myself and this ability to communicate this story. I’m shaking loose...and working on letting go.
Being the control freak that I am…well let’s just say it’s easier said than done…but I’m getting better at it. Anyway, last night’s writing group….was amazing. I was high and buzzing off the good vibes and being in community with these talented, intelligent writers…and talking about writing craft, social justice, teaching and whatever topics we hit on…just added a wonderful dimension. And if I forget about this feeling, I’m coming back to my own blog and reading this entry. Rock on!!
All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.
I’ve had a note (more than once now) that I need to fill in some of the history of this futuristic world that I’m creating. I was reluctant to hear it because I knew that if that was the case I was never going to finish this story by the end of last year. So here we are the first week in January and there is more to go, more to fill in, more layers to unravel but I’m encouraged and feel pretty optimistic for a change. It could also be the mild sunny weather we are having today too. * big cheesy smile *
Anyway, I’m coming to terms with the fact that I am a slow prose writer. When I try to rush, I don’t allow the story to unravel and reveal the many little secrets that are starting to surface. It does help being more consistent in my writing practice. As in, sitting down and actually writing every day even if it’s only 200 words or just going over the work that I completed the day before. It’s my new obsession and it brings me pleasure again.
For too long, I was in a state of perpetual perfectionism that constrained me, tied me up into knots, spit me out and made me question myself and this ability to communicate this story. I’m shaking loose...and working on letting go.
Being the control freak that I am…well let’s just say it’s easier said than done…but I’m getting better at it. Anyway, last night’s writing group….was amazing. I was high and buzzing off the good vibes and being in community with these talented, intelligent writers…and talking about writing craft, social justice, teaching and whatever topics we hit on…just added a wonderful dimension. And if I forget about this feeling, I’m coming back to my own blog and reading this entry. Rock on!!
All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
What have I been up to these last couple of weeks?
Still working on the novel….I seem to be working and re-working Chapter 7. Some days I only managed 300 words. It will have to do for now. It’s reading a bit stiff and clunky and I’m having a hard time moving forward until this chapter has been smoothed out. I’m not looking for perfect; the chapter just needs to work in the context of the bigger picture. The chapter is about 2,100 words long but it needs something more but I haven’t quite figured out what yet. Ergh! Anyway still focusing time and energy into it. That’s what counts.
Tonight, I bring in Chapter 4 and 5 to my writing group. Hopefully their feedback will help fuel the work on Ch 7.
Kitty sitting in the city…I’ve been in Chelsea the past couple of days kitty sitting Otis and Tessa. Otis is very demanding about food and attention in equal measures. Tessa is a shy Calico who tends to stay near the corners of the room, or hides in closets, when I’m around. She’s having a hard time warming up to me. Poor thing.
Christmas shopping…I have managed to get my family some gifts while staying in Chelsea. The shops are close by and when I get tired of the holiday crowds, I retreat to a quiet apartment.
My brain is full. I had a strange dream that Noomi Noren was sitting on the stoop to my parent’s house dressed like the character of Lisabeth Salander from the Millenium trilogy wanting to talk to me about my latest project. Not the novel but the film version of the novel. I kept telling her the screenplay wasn’t finished yet and that Michelle Rodriguez had first dibs on the lead role since the protagonist is a Latina. She told me very intently that she was part Spanish and that she liked the twists and turns of this movie. I woke up...1) thinking what twists and turns? and 2) feeling the pressure of needing to finish the novel. Hehehe!
I really have a hard time letting up on the pressure I put on myself. The problem then becomes that I don’t have enough head space to work out the problems/obstacles/issues with the novel ‘cause apparently the screenplay needs to be written too. Bah-Humbug!
All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.
Tonight, I bring in Chapter 4 and 5 to my writing group. Hopefully their feedback will help fuel the work on Ch 7.
Kitty sitting in the city…I’ve been in Chelsea the past couple of days kitty sitting Otis and Tessa. Otis is very demanding about food and attention in equal measures. Tessa is a shy Calico who tends to stay near the corners of the room, or hides in closets, when I’m around. She’s having a hard time warming up to me. Poor thing.
Christmas shopping…I have managed to get my family some gifts while staying in Chelsea. The shops are close by and when I get tired of the holiday crowds, I retreat to a quiet apartment.
My brain is full. I had a strange dream that Noomi Noren was sitting on the stoop to my parent’s house dressed like the character of Lisabeth Salander from the Millenium trilogy wanting to talk to me about my latest project. Not the novel but the film version of the novel. I kept telling her the screenplay wasn’t finished yet and that Michelle Rodriguez had first dibs on the lead role since the protagonist is a Latina. She told me very intently that she was part Spanish and that she liked the twists and turns of this movie. I woke up...1) thinking what twists and turns? and 2) feeling the pressure of needing to finish the novel. Hehehe!
I really have a hard time letting up on the pressure I put on myself. The problem then becomes that I don’t have enough head space to work out the problems/obstacles/issues with the novel ‘cause apparently the screenplay needs to be written too. Bah-Humbug!
All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.
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