*grumble, grumble*

Sitting at my desk, working on my novel and nothing is coming out today.  Can’t force it, can’t make it happen.  The more I grasp at this ephemeral material the less access there is to it.  I’m frustrated!!  Wrote a grand total of 68 words today.  I’m not a happy camper.  In fact, my inner writer wants to throw herself on the floor in a fit of rage.  A bit dramatic I know…but full throttle kicking and screaming out of sheer frustration. I need an intervention. The belief in my own ability to finish this project is flagging today.  I can feel hot, biting tears filling up my eye sockets as I write these words out.  Yes, a bit overly dramatic.  I have to remember that I’ve gotten this far with the story.  I have managed to finish projects in the past so I am capable of finishing this one.  And just because I don’t “feel” it today doesn’t mean it will NEVER come.  The inner critic has the bullhorn today and all I can hear is, “I can’t write.”  I think a long walk after work is needed.  I’m so caught up in my own head that I’ve forgotten how to breathe.  Peace~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Monsoon season begins

This very Tuesday morning I woke up to yet another day of rain. I pulled myself out of bed, forced myself into the shower and it helped to wake me up. I dried my hair frizzy, put on some warm clothes, pulled on a pair of waterproof boots, put on my black trench coat, picked out a bright blue umbrella and out the door. As soon as I walked half a block, the skies opened up and down it poured, full on. The sky rumbled with thunder as dark clouds rolled overhead. The drops came down so hard it splashed up and drenched my dress slacks up to my knees. At least, they were the warmer ones. I kept walking and the rain kept coming down harder. It felt like it was picking up speed. That’s when I discovered that my waterproof boots are no longer as I felt water seep into my left boot. Ergh. So this is the first hour awake on Tuesday. Yep, I’m ready to pull the ostrich maneuver and hide under my duvet today. But alas, I continued on to my day job.

As I got onto the train and listened to people cough and wheeze through the first three express stops…it made me realize that there is some virus going around. It’s really when my hypochondriac self kicks into high gear and I just want to cover nose and mouth as a five year old sings Frère Jacques between bouts of a hacking phlegmy cough. Ick. *giggle* And you know she still doesn’t know how to cover her mouth yet as she shares all these lovely germs with the rest of us within a 3 feet vicinity. Bleck. (:-p)

So what is my writing update? Well, Sunday and Monday I was out of commission with yet another migraine. They seem to be coming on more aggressively these past 6 months. Not good for the overall well being and they are too painful to settle down and write for any length of time. However, that was yesterday. Today, my plan is to go home tonight and do some writing. I’m functioning again today so I may as well take advantage of the clarity. I have writing group on Friday so I’m hoping to bring in the rest of chapter 2. This is all new material that I’ve added during this rewrite process.

Wish me luck that it works.

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Friday's blog entry

The sky is thick with grey clouds today and I’m sleepy from taking allergy medicine early this morning.  I’m ready for a nap and I’ve barely started my day.
Yesterday (Thursday) I did some writing.  Didn’t get very far with it and I’m not sure where to take this section.  I am trying to trust the process but the control freak part of me has a hard time letting go of the white knuckle grip.  Hmmm.  When I just let go the story seems to unfold on its own.  I can see the images and hear the dialogue between the characters.  It’s like getting invited to a party and just sitting there and taking notes of everything that happens.  Listening in on all the conversations and putting it down as fast as I can.  It’s all very exciting.  But when I try to control the forward motion of the story, it’s like playing director and giving the characters instructions on where they should stand and what they should say.  That way of writing gets exhausting and then I don’t want to go back to the page.  Ergh * crooked mouth.* The one thing that has worked is I have to write a little bit every day.  It doesn’t matter how good it is or how much I write, I just have to put some words down.  It’s more important to get something down then to allow myself to flounder too long. 

It reminds me of something Sally Mann said in a documentary about her process and her work.  About how she would take an intensive time to put together a show and when the exhibit was hung and done, she would feel down because she would think to herself, “that’s it.  That’s all I’ve got left.  I’ll never be able to take another photograph again.”  This woman is an amazing photographer and her work is stunning.  But she also talks about the only thing that gets her past that point is to go out and shoot.  It can be anything but it’s about taking just one more photo.  I guess that’s all one can do.  We keep working.  Plodding through it. It’s not very exciting or glamorous but it’s putting the time in.  Tony compares it to putting money in the bank. Eventually it will all pay off.

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.