The Grind

Today has been about the grind...working for the man...about keeping nose to the grindstone.  So in other words not a great day.  I promised myself to stop using this platform to whinge about life.  I'll do my best not to go down that rocky path.

So now I'm staring at the screen and just blinking at it...seriously.  If I can't gripe, then my brain goes blank.  What is that about?  It's almost as if I can't start the conversation without a complaint on my lips, well in this case fingertips.

I'm working on this very particular project at my day job where I am supposed to look up and write about powerful influential women around the world.  Easy enough, I go onto the 2010 Forbes list and take a few key women and do some internet research and give a blurb on them, in 500 words or less.  Fine.  I spent the better part of the day doing this.  Instead of inspiring me, it's done the opposite.  Bleck!  :-P  It's left me in a bad mood about how little I'm accomplishing at the moment.  *arms crossed with a scowly frown upon my face*

Then, on the train home, I am reading a peer's manuscript, just making notations in the margins so I can give some specific feedback.  The young African-American woman who is sitting next to me, not more than 19 years old, takes a glance over.  She gives a big sigh, rolls her eyes, turns to her boyfriend who is sitting beside her and says pretty loudly, "oh god she's reading a novel, how boring!  Who has time for that shit anyway."  Being in the crotchety mood I was already in, I chose that moment to ignore her and keep reading.  But as I sat there I start to wonder about young readers and if this is their attitude to the written language then what the heck am I doing wasting my time writing?!  LOL!!  No, seriously!  The randomness of this encounter affected me.  Her flip comment, for just a moment, put me into an existential crisis. The universe was having a laugh at me today.

You see, after reading about powerful women who are making global contributions, I thought, what am I doing?  Why can't I use this brain of mine for something a bit more substantial than writing fiction.  I even thought, maybe I should go back to school and get my doctorate in eco-politics and environmental sciences. Hmmm.  Deep?  Maybe not so much. Maybe I'm just running away from the page. The novel-writing business isn't easy.  So environmental sciences it is.  *hehehe*  Even writing it out and reading it back to myself, I can see the absurdity of it all.  But when it lives inside my brain it festers into something  else.  

My 15-year old niece not too long ago told me she was interested in going into theater: playwriting, working on stage crew, building sets, etc.  It took every ounce of willpower I possessed NOT to tell her "NOOOO! Going into theater will break your heart into a thousand pieces and then use those very pieces to ram down your throat!!"  Bitter, much?  I did NOT say those words out loud to her.  I did not discourage her.  I was a good auntie and told her to pursue whatever interests she wanted.  (I think that's what I said to her).

I digress...I guess if I can be supportive of my niece in her pursuit of exploring theater then I really have to learn to be supportive of my own work as a writer.  If I can be a super cheerleader for every member of my own writing group and every newbie writer I meet then I need to believe in my own hype.  Voilá!

Universe, I got the lesson...

All for now...keep on keeping on.

Peace,

L~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Curious minds

I am currently working on caffeinating myself awake. I tossed and turned until ~2:30 am with a 6:30 am wake up call. Four hours of sleep…blah! ;-p. I tried a bit of writing but my brain wasn’t really cooperating so I let that go after a short while. I am restless and this constant rain does not help my melancholy disposition.

So after my family lunch on Saturday, I walked over to Barnes and Noble and wandered around. I went to the last floor which has books of poetry and science fiction in close proximity and came across some of Michio Kaku’s books; a physicist who has co-authored papers on string field theory. I’ve wanted to pick up his books for a while because he discusses the possibilities or impossibilities of science fiction technology. I’m not a scientist by any stretch of the imagination but I am curious and fascinated by both quantum physics and string field theory. I can take it in small doses because my poor brain goes into meltdown mode if I try to contemplate the notion of parallel universes for too long. But Kaku has a way of making very complex scientific material accessible to a neophyte like me. Intellectual curiosity…I’ve got this trait in sheer abundance. There is a fine line between letting my imagination stretch and knowing too much information… not sure what that line is yet…but I’ll let you know as soon as I’ve gotten there. Anyway, I digress, so I bought up three of Kaku’s titles: Physics of the Impossible, Parallel Worlds and Hyperspace. Hoorah!! I have an inkling of a new story in the back of my head and I’ll need to start jotting down some of these notes on index cards.

I also picked up Finch by Jeff VanderMeer. I’ve been reading his non-fiction title BookLife and he has an interesting way of using language and humor. So I thought I would see how his fiction reads. I think Finch is also his first book as a full-time writer. As in no longer working a side/day job to make ends meet but rather have a whole day stretch before him to work on his novel. He did write in BookLife that he barely left his apartment or spoke to anyone for 3 months finishing up his novel, which I think is pretty cool (for lack of a better phrase ‘cause I’m barely awake). Hence, my curiosity.

All right, so despite buying up these new titles, do you think I had presence of mind to put any one of these titles into my bag this morning….uhm, nope! So when I go into my bag this morning, on the train to work, I think I’m going to pull out a Kaku title only to find my bag empty. Drat!! I had also taken out my working pages of my novel and left them on my desk at home. Double drat!!
I need another cup of tea and move around a bit before I fall asleep with my eyes wide open.

Peace,

Lily~



All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Wilted State

I can't sleep tonight.  
I went to see the newest remake of Jane Eyre.  There is something about period movies that makes my romantic sensibilities lose control.  Directed by Cary Joji Fukunaga, screenplay written by Moira Buffini. 
The language was lush and the quiet moments hummed with intensity.  Visually stunning, landscape as stark and bare as the protagonist.  Declarations of love, poetic.  The loneliness and longing so palpable it takes a strangle hold and dares not let go. Left in its wake is me in a bit of a wilted state.  I guess it does no good to wallow.  Must get some rest...


Peace,


L~    

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.