Writing will be interesting in the days to come

It’s Monday morning and I am sitting at a corporate desk trying hard to keep my eyes open. I am terribly tired and could use a personal day to recoup from a night of tossing, turning and coughing. My brain won’t shut off.

So let me talk about the writing. Yes, good safe topic to write about without too much weeping involved (I think). I’ve put my first draft of Indigo to rest. It’s not fully completed since I wasn’t sure how to end the story. I’m going to let it rest for 4 weeks before I make the first pass of rewrites. It took me 4.5 months to get to this point and there is a thorn in my brain about leaving it undone. A part of me wants to go in head first and start making revisions so I can start showing pages to my writing group. The other part of me is very nervous at the prospect of letting anyone see these first wonky pages. Yes, the pages feel awkward and not fully developed, like a baby deer trying to get its legs under her body. It’s all wobbly and shaky and a strong wind will topple it over. Ah can you see the confidence brimming…NOT. Confidence will come with more practice (I hope). Although, everything I’ve read about writer’s lives indicate the opposite.

Now that this piece is resting, I’m moving on to my next piece inspired by the documentary Collapse. I finally finished watching the movie yesterday. When I first put the movie on I was only able to get through the first 45 minutes. My head was going to pop off my shoulders. There was so much information to process and digest but it also gave me an inkling of a new idea. At first, I thought I would jam some of the ideas from Collapse into Indigo but I realized it would become another story if I tried to incorporate them. I’ve opted for a new novel instead. Yesterday, I was going to brainstorm and jot down ideas. What I actually did was putz around my room avoiding the blank page. I’m very good at bobbing and weaving away from the writing. I finished watching the movie and listening to Michael Ruppert speak and then I just didn’t have anything to write. I was inundated with so much data that my brain has been turning over pieces of information ever since. Tonight, I will go home after work and put down some ideas onto the page.

Which reminds me I also have to continue writing up some new poetry. I’m pulling together an application for a grant and I need to revise some pieces started at OAC and pull in some new material as well. It’s a March deadline so my goal is five new poems by this Friday. My stomach is churning, there is much to be done and I seem to be in a holding pattern. I don’t really know what I’m waiting for. It’s certainly NOT inspiration. I work, I write, I drink tea. That’s all I do these days but I get in this headspace of thinking I’m not getting enough done or that I’m waiting for something….what? I am looking out the window of this corporate office; it’s a dark, cloudy day and the rain has been coming down pretty steadily this morning.

It’s difficult to grieve when there is work to be done. Akilah Oliver, a writing mentor, recently passed away. She was an amazing poet and it came as a terrible shock. It has left me out of sorts, pressed down, walking around thin-skinned and barely present. Writing will be interesting in the days to come.
Peace~

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Personal post

**Warning: this particular post may be a bit graphic for some folks.

Tonight, I can't sleep.  I feel overwhelmed and hollowed out by tragic news.  Death seems to be looming close these days to my family and although death is inevitable there are some things that just feels like your looking into the mouth of a dark abyss.  We received news from my family in Mexico that a body found of a 14-year old girl was in fact a cousin.  The DNA results have taken months to come back to confirm this.  The state that her body was found made it impossible for her mother to identify her.  You see, she was beheaded and her body was stabbed and mutilated.  People in the town have an idea of the man who did this to her but the family has been warned not to speak up, not to speak out otherwise her remaining daughters would come to the same end.  So much violence in this world against women.  It makes me angry to the very core of my being.

You see, this man is very well connected and therefore protected.  She was last seen getting into his vehicle before she went missing.  Weeks later they found her body.  Months later her identity confirmed through DNA testing.  Her best friend met the same fate because she went along with my cousin.  How harmless would getting a lift from a guy they knew be?

I haven't used their names to allow my family some level of privacy.  But I wanted to tell folks out there about these two young 14-year old girls whose lives were cut tragically short.  Even as I write these words out I know it's not enough.  May their souls rest in peace. ~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Appetite

You pass against the widening current

anticipate being swept up and captured

whirlpool of consumption, money makes

the world go round, boil over with hungry

empty mouths, yearn to be made whole

with one more item added to the collection

to separate yourself further from the sump

of destitution, you long to be complete.



All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

     In the past I have been very good at bitching and moaning about the writing process. In fact, I think I have complaining down to a competitive sport. And I was going to turn it around and be more positive, or at the very least not spend so much time on my blog whinging about writing. Of course, without the license to gripe my entries started to dwindle just a wee bit.
     Before I went home Tony sent me an e-mail of his latest creation, a fantastic artistic piece of Sedna. Strong pencil work of the face and the piece actually inspired me to work on my writing. I guess seeing how diligent he’s been working despite some setbacks gave me a jolt. All Tony ever does is work and despite his frustrations he just keeps his head down and keeps putting the time and effort into his Art. I haven’t been so diligent and I let things slide for one too many days. Then a week passes and I wonder why I’m so cranky and out of sorts.
     So last night, I went to my writing desk and sat there for almost an hour just to write up 600 measly words…and it was tedious and frustrating. I may as well have been getting my wisdom teeth removed, that would have been infinitely more gratifying in comparison to how well the writing was going. As I sat there feeling thoroughly dejected, I was going to get up to do something else, ANYTHING else but something was bubbling up and a part of me didn’t want to give up just yet. I told myself, just write one more line and see how that goes. And that’s when it happened, the words started to pour out onto the page. I could barely keep up. One line turned into 1,000 more words AND I finally got the breakthrough on how this story is going to end. I’ve had the most difficult time imagining where this story was heading and how I could possibly bring it to a close but last night…the arrows started to point down a clear path. Brilliant! Now I’m just hoping it works.
     Having the end in the near distance is motivating me to work every night this week. No drinks with friends, no distractions, just some quality alone time with my noisy laptop. (Which reminds me, I have got to change that fan. But not before I finish this novel and not before I’ve backed everything up twice.) Needless to say, I am pleased. It means that I will have a finished first draft before the end of the month. And I can put it in a drawer and let it marinate for 4 to 6 weeks. Get some distance so that I can come to the manuscript with fresh eyes. I already know the whole first section needs to be revised to make some logistical sense of the technology and time frame. That’s the minor stuff. I also know that I have to flesh out a few characters but that will happen as I get the story arc past the finishing line. Then I can start bringing sections of it to my writing group after I’ve made those initial revisions. Very exciting indeed!
     The day is bright and cold but the work is humming along. Yay!!

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

The beginning of something...

You watch the moving river
search for patterns, mark
meaning out of sun rays
breaking past dark clouds
winds promise warmer days
sultry whisper, unloosening
the knot, love was an easier
game to play, green windows
breakable with pebble throws,
barely holding it together
evaporating in traffic din...


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Winter: Pot Bound

Purple blossoms wither
fold upon yellow anthers
damp soil, jealous skies
tinted windows conspire
to encase the masses
organized in vertical
cubicles and Gucci
running knots, a red
balloon floats outside
long white strand
loose slopes, follows
along, steady higher
past the icy snow
frozen in the corners
of building tops that
careen down, shatter
across sidewalks
glittering fragments.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

An Air of Abandonment

While a cup of tea grows cold
cops with assault rifles stand
on the corner of Broadway
we are meant to feel safe
their presence, my teeth on
edge, passing in a wide berth
broad smiles for the camera
tourists click, shutter, and stand
behind the metal partitions
there is safety in numbers
how many exactly will calm
the mob mentality on a threat-
level-orange winter day?


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

I'm thinking about the demonstration happening in Egypt tonight and I'm nervous about it.  Even though the military has reassured the protesters that they will not attack...my stomach is tied up in knots over them. May they be safe, may they be safe, may they stay safe are the words that run through my head.  The protests are necessary. Civil disobedience is necessary for change to occur. Yet, all I can see in the long term is that this is only the beginning.  I'm not just talking about Jordan and Egypt.  I'm thinking about humans on a global scale and the way people are becoming more desperate as  the chasm between the haves and the have-nots continue to widen. The collective consciousness knows things cannot keep going the way they are going and changes must occur.  May we find some peace in these growing struggles.


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.