Goals

For the past week I've been turning over in my head a way of organizing my goals (creative work + life). In a way that is realistic, elegant, and workable.  In the past, I've jumped from one project to another without every noting the process. So every time I started yet another project that involved an audience I felt like I was reinventing the wheel.  Plus somehow I was unable to link them up so that the projects had real momentum.  Instead, they felt like separate entities...little baby birds that were left out there on their own to fend for themselves.  Don't get me wrong some of my experiences have been very good and have taught me plenty.  I just need to move to the next phase of organizing my creative goals so that I have a clearer vision when I pursue these particular projects.  Having a clear vision is helping me feel more hopeful and motivated.  I've got the spark back in my eye, that singular drive that I get whenever things have clicked in my head.  When all of a sudden life does not feel so hard. 

For the past two months, I have been hemming and hawing in front of my computer and in front of my canvas feeling the weight of the "work" to get myself "out there" to a larger audience.  And of course, that would effect the pieces that were being worked on because I couldn't be present to the experience of writing or painting...since I was worrying about the future.  And that worrying about the future felt like too much work because it became this amorphous blob of, "shit that I don't know how to do".  But as I sat down and started to look at some of what I'm trying to accomplish and what kind of ambitions I currently have, I realized that there is a lot more things that I do know how to do than unknown.  I was worrying for nothing...or letting fear cloud my vision of possibilities.  I'm discovering that even if there are some holes in my knowledge, I'll get to those elements as soon as I've worked through some of the other tasks first.  Who knows perhaps someone with a little more expertise will show up to help or maybe I brainstorm some wild child ideas until the unknown doesn't quite feel so unmanageable.  Either way today I feel positive about my aspirations.  I can manage this creative life and I'm feeling good.   Now if I can just figure out how to get these dishes washed without having to actually do it, I would be golden.  Rock on people...rock on!! 

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