Nope

The writing did not come easily today. Booooo!  Saturday I was in the flow and I was able to get a few pages out. Today, Sunday, not so much. However, I did not berate myself for the lack of flow. Instead, I pivoted and cleaned my living space and the fridge. It helped clear my head. 

I meant to work on day job tasks this weekend but I decided to allow myself time to do other things. Instead, I baked banana muffins with chai spices. I'm trying to work out a recipe that is still not quite right. The first batch was too sweet.  This batch is better but it's missing something. I think the flour mixture is just not quite right yet but it's almost there. 

I am listening to Ben Howard's Every Kingdom album. I love his music and it has really chilled me out this afternoon. So no whinging, no crying, no tantrums, nope, just me. 

-Peace   

Saturday Morning

I've spent the past three hours working on a fiction piece. A supernatural novel that is seeing a little light of day. It feels really good to flex those muscles after a week working on logistics for my day job. I look forward to these moments and a big chunk of time where I allow the story to come out. It's all very new and I'm trying hard not let the perfectionist side of my personality get in the way. What has spurred me on, believe it or not, is reading trashy novels. The stories are so over the top and so formulaic that I could see the next string of events before they actually happen. However, what I'm gleaning from this type of fiction is the fun factor. Those novels make me laugh, or pull at my heart strings in the most unexpected ways. Escapist fantasies. 

I keep telling myself I can write this novel because I want to create some of that escapist fantasy as I build this world, as I build these characters, as I build this story up from scratch. Today, I have a real sense of accomplishment. Today, I wrote another piece of the novel. Period. Tomorrow, I will have the morning to myself to write for a couple of more hours. It really helps me. It helps my brain shift out of the stresses of day to day living. It helps my emotional side shift out of that hunger for more that resides beneath my skin.  It helps my creative side find a little bit of breathing room to play. 

My writing group is meeting next month and I'm not sure I will have new pages to present but having that deadline helps me get past my objections to sit at my desk and write. Now that the day job is moving towards a hybrid work-model, I am trying to figure out a consistent way of working on this story since my schedule changes every day. I need to carve out time first thing in the morning. I just get swept up in the writing sometimes and I may actually forget I have to physically go to work. Ha! Will have to sort myself out on that front. 

Peace,

Lily

Hmmmmm...it's March 2022

I start and I stop. I start a line and then I erase it. What I want to write may not land well so I retract it. Yet I continue to try to find the end of the line correctly. There is so much going on in our little global community. No wonder billionaires are trying to shoot out into outer space and get off this planet. Escapist fantasies. 

In the midst of what is going on, I continue to work a day job that extracts way too much energy and too many brain cells. Feeling a bit crispy around the edges from too many hours, too much work, not enough support resources. I've been walking during my lunch hour to grab some air, spend some time away from my desk and to get some sunlight. I am way too pale these days and I've been trying these weird foot exercises that are giving me crazy shin splints pains/leg cramps. Ugh, no bueno. 

Anyway, I've been writing creatively, working on a new novel, working through a shitty first draft, showing my writing group and getting much needed feedback. I value their input but I'm not sure they really get it. Did I mention it's a shitty first draft? I'm still working out the story arc as I write it out so there are some things that I have figured out and some things that still need to be developed. It's a slow process but when my muse is awake she is greedy for a couple of hours of uninterrupted time. Hmmm. I try to give her what I can time-wise but sometimes she has to wait until the weekend before she gets her allotted time to create. 

Why am I writing now, here, after all this time? I really wanted to talk to someone and I reached out to a few people. I even got to chat with a few but after hanging up I was still restless. Work is stressful, but come on, when isn't it? I tried a little retail therapy but I realized I didn't want to add to my credit card bill. I skipped my yoga routine tonight because I was just plain tired. 

Then I came across the final version of Kylie Rothfield's Ghost and had to put it up on this blog to share. I can never resist a gorgeous voice or song; and thought, what the hell, let me write a line or two to see what comes out. I never know what I will actually share when I freewrite but it's March 2022 and it's been too quiet for too long and Spring is coming...after this next snowstorm, of course. I needed an outlet tonight and this is where I got it. 

Peace

LA