I was a dreamer...

Images come in waves stranded on
a damp shoreline. Prayers under
breath, innumerable possibilties
linger calmly against the rocks
exposed to the elements. Wood
and flesh, bone and ashes piled
as an afterthought. The metallic
taste of blood lingers on the tongue
when there is talk of kinship.
Thoughts hunker down
and silence floats freely, pulled
along by the undercurrent.



All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Squint

It began with a blinding day and that's where it all started going wrong.
How often have I changed your mind? Oversize canvas bag slung over shoulder and rested upon a hip. Who's going to break the fall when the stars have slipped. The path of least resistance is catching up. Stutter stops the heart again. I wish I could wake up beside you. Let's go back to the start. Science and progress do not speak louder than the heart.

The second hand speeds up to catch up to the seconds. Through tinted windows there are odd shadows. She watches me move and I can't think straight. How often have you changed your mind? Your emotions echo across the space between us. A strong hand reaches over to give support. Wild hair curls around fingertips. Snail slouching whispers where rain has gathered. Nicks against the grain, initials carved in.

¿Que te importe que te ame, si tu no me quieres ya? Spinning words to find the proper sequence of events. Time is neither linear nor circular. Your departure has left careless marks against my questions. Apologies cannot erase being viciously unkind so I squint my eyes when I face the sky.


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

04.19.09 v2

I find academic writing restricting to the point where I find myself closing in on myself. Although, I've taught undergraduates how to write research papers in the past, as I go through the process I find myself scattering my energies and my ideas across the sand. How do I reign it in? What was my initial point?

I'm writing this blog because I needed a break...I take it too seriously. Instead, I should laugh about it...it's only a 15 page paper. I mere drop in the ocean of writing. So now I am playing 80s music to loosen my grip. The Police is singing "Don't Stand So Close to Me" in the background. Appropriate enough since I may bite someone if they ask me how far along I am again. At least, I don't want to cry, so that's a good sign. Oooo Peter Cetera popped up and I'm going to wail along to "Glory of Love." I know it's cheesy...but cheesy is good on stupid working sundays. Trying to wrangle the right passages...trying to make the appropriate analysis so I sound like I know what the hell I'm talking about pertaining to Derek Walcott's epic poem Omeros.

It's a beautiful piece. I actually like writing about how classical western literature is used in his work. But then the self doubt creeps in and I second guess my train of thought. Seriously, it's not hard...I am making it so much harder than it needs to be. Besides, it's not James Joyce's Ulysses. Now that book and those papers almost broke me last year. Hehehe. Those papers made me cry real tears of self-pity. I wore my pity-party dress and everything.

Ooo "I Just Died in Your Arms" by Cutting Crew popped up. This is taking me back to high school, driving over the Brooklyn Bridge at night in R's car, and both of us singing at full voice.
Paul Simon and Chevy Chase singing "You Can Call Al"...it's a fun song as I hop around my room to the beat. Hehehe. Okay I'm starting to feel sane again listening to these songs. : )

It's 6:23 pm and I have quite a bit of work ahead of me. Hmmm. Do I listen to more music or do I try to make more of a dent in this paper? There is, of course, other assignments that I should also finish. Perhaps I should address my other deadlines? Not to mention the reports I need to write up for my post in the WAC office...argh! When did I get so behind? It's amazing that I could be the most organized person for someone else but try to do that for myself and I let things slide...unintentionally of course but dammit if that's not the most frustrating thing.

Oooo I feel the stress creeping up again. I think I am going to avoid my paper for another hour and write up some of these reports. Seriously....it's an icky feeling --That's the scientific term for wanting to throw up all over my keyboard from the stress of writing this paper.

Nightshift by the Commodores....okay now that's going way back...but ooooh eeee. Groovy tunes. "Gonna be some sweet sound coming down..."

Off I go...

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

04.19.09

A paradigm shift betrays internal itineraries. The house felt empty with teeth. In dreams flowers grew long stems through an icy lake. Out of the thorns, calla lilies unfold. Lost in the ashes of time, cut space into the wider shadows. The veils sweep gently against the floor bathed in blue light.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

04.18.09

If you happen to pass my life, grab her and drag her home. Just be careful with her claws, she may leave behind thin wounds. Thick round shoulder can bear larger burdens. The house burns down the street with licking flames. All the love falls down in spark ashes and cinder pieces.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

04.17.09

Thin bare branches bend in a penitent way. The world owes us nothing on this day. I wonder if the questions fill your head. They say do it for fun and do it for the joy of it. What’s that like?

No need for words when the odd directions come indirectly. The city sets around me.


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

04.16.09

Drama manuals are drawn up on crisp white linen sheets. You want me to fuck him only so you can watch us. Break bedroom rules while wearing blue fingernail polish. Who left the light on, while I ran around? You left feeling less than perfect. Puzzle pieces smash to fit into the sentimental heart even though the shape has long since been changed.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

04.15.09

Love will come through, wait at the crossroads with a snack and an umbrella. To escape from you, it comes in multiple waves of denial. There are layers of lies creating the illusion upon the wall, a shadow losing sleep over wasting time. The sands continue to sift through slotted eyes. Remember to pack sandwiches in case we get hungry.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Publish Post

04.14.09

Cover her with compassion there is a war inside with a new broken song. All you worry about is how you are running out of time. Deadlines loom in the horizon. Drag out the seconds by repeating the secrets. The candle is burrowing a hole in your hand. Don’t write it down, the words may expand.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

04.13.09

I envy the way you enjoy life so intensely. Can we trade skins and lay our burdens down at the foot of the bed? Everything stays the same in this letter to you. We’ve repeated patterns of words and anger and words and tears and words the same way for quite some time. Break apart the skull and glance in, I think something is jammed.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

04.12.09

Her posture these days resembles a concave mirror in its distorted shape. A book of dissent sits behind yellow caution tape. Her anger resides in thin plank veneers beneath her skin. Tree rings encased by a textured bark. A serpent skin forgotten in the yellow laundry basket lies beside a satin shift. Push a cart among the temple ruins and hands will burn against the metal cage.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Shades of Temper

It is strange to read someone's
past vibrating across the written words.
A sliver of incandescent
moment touched momentarily
transcends the page across time.
Turn the leaf and uncover
the sensibility of weakened attachments
let loose by the cadence of many moons
Tremble through and betray confidences
whisper in shades of temper
what you crave is what you spurn.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

04.06.09 v2

Something is stirring...in the back of the brain
a thought has passed too quickly to grasp
voices resonate across the expansive room
dull murmurs, walkie-talkie static, phone rings,
doors open and close, open and close

Ants find breadcrumbs in the bedroom
first there are a few and then there is a swarm
tramping through this space

eyes are drifting...drifting close
are we done yet?
'cause somebody is ready to fall sleep
'cause somebody no longer wants to talk
it is better to sleep than to record thoughts
it is better to sleep than to tell the truth
it is better to sleep than to say good-bye
it is better to say good-bye than
fix a point of resentment

point the way, show us the place of
disturbance on your person
the check has been cashed
the players have gone home
the day is starting to close
and you have yet to dismantle
your altar to your goddess
as she lies dead across your arms



All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

04.06.09

There is nothing left to say today. It's quiet inside.
The calm before the storm
Stumble and stumble to cope with yesterday
Defense mechanisms are up and holding steady

There is nothing left to say today
Wrench the tendrils...free up
Reality check handed over
That's one way to maintain arm's length

It's quiet inside.
Heavy-handed poetry with thick words
dark, red-rimmed eyes of good-bye
soften the blows, soften the crash of illusions
The sound of glass breaking

The calm before the storm.
Howl, howl, howl in the distance
away from the pelting rain
softens the blow, softens the clash
of a struggling reality
The sound of silence...

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

there is something about a quiet moment in a frazzled life
that hits the right spot
it's almost as good as taking a swim in the ocean
on a hot summer day
it's just enough to remind me that there is space
to breathe deeply

i wrote to someone that my ex was making me
into a beautiful mess
she wrote back, "can you keep the 'beautiful' and dump the mess?"

ah, if it were that easy i would scarcely know what to do
with myself
the days are getting longer, the wind is getting milder
the changing of seasons is helping me crawl out of my shell
i've been hibernating too long and my body is ready to move again.

how do i know?
the muscles in my legs contract and relax...readying to spring into action
anticipating a run or a kick...waiting
how do i know?
i stretch and i stretch and i've yet to feel satiated by the action
perhaps a long sequence of yoga moves may help
my body screams for yoga...or karate...or swimming
my body screams to move fast/er
my body screams as i sit on this chair and write these passages

i woke up this morning wanting to be someone else
i woke up this morning wanting to be someone
i woke up this morning wanting to be
i woke up this morning wanting to
i woke up this morning wanting
i woke up this morning
i woke up this
i woke up
i woke
i

can you tell when i am lying?
is it the hesitation in my voice?
the lilt of my speech?
the avoidance technique?
can you tell me when i am lying?
i've built up the wall so high
that i've forgotten what i look like
past the rocky exterior

messy poetry is all that seems to come out lately
the words are random bits...issuing forth without an editorial eye
really i am just blank and empty
nothing in there
can you hear the echoes?
hello....(hello)....(hello)...(hello)
see what i mean?
i don't make this up
i seem to be running around
skirting the issue
and pinning me down
is like pinning mercury
isn't mercury toxic?
gasp...
pinning me down
is like holding water
in hand
mostly it's a trickling mess

i want to write...* hopping on one foot and then the other *
i want to write about stuff
about important stuff
about relevant stuff
but how do i pin down the experiences
when there are so many aspects to it
gathering sand one grain at a time
and feeling the impossibility of it riding up my spine.

i want to play
but i've forgotten how to
play...play...play...play
nope, nothing yet
if i say it enough
do you think it will come?
the reminder
the know-how
if i repeat the word
will it manifest in my life
if so, what will it look like?
and who will i play with?

hmmm how did i get here?
right, i was writing about writing stuff
bye...


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.