I have been out of sight because I didn’t have any updates. I wasn’t writing rather I was wringing my hands in abject horror because I didn’t know how to move forward. Frozen in place, I whined and whimpered to myself that it was all so very useless and that I would never write again. Ever! It was THAT melodramatic and no one was going to convince me otherwise.
Then a funny thing happened, I dislocated my patella sometime last week. I was working on my yoga poses and I pushed my body into the wrong pose. My knee tweaked and the patella shifted. Holy hell did that hurt! I popped it back into place and then lay there waiting for the pain to bloom. Sure enough it came in waves. By Monday morning I was unable to put any weight on my leg and my knee was the size of a small grapefruit.
I took a couple of Aleve, propped up my knee with all my pillows and an ice pack and stared at my ceiling feeling pretty pathetic. The pity party I threw myself was epic. Sorry you missed it.
By the end of the day, a thought occurred to me. It was a splinter of an idea regarding my novel. And it woke me up. All of a sudden the grey day that I was having had a sliver of light. Just a hint of a new possibility. Then I had a serious talk with myself.
This knee issue has been a long neglected issue. I’ve needed to have it MRI’d and X-ray’d ages ago but without proper health coverage for the past three years, I’ve let it go and let it go for far too long. This was a minor setback and it should not impede me from continuing with healthier practices, eating right, exercising and writing every day. I’ve managed to do light stretching these past couple of days (babying my knee). The inflammation is starting to subside. The pain is in the lower scale range. And I have managed to make it into my day job without too much hassle.
I have also been writing again every day too. If I can show up to my day job then I have no excuses not to spend some time working at my craft. Yesterday, I managed 500 words, the day before I managed 325 words. It’s rough but I keep reminding myself that it doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be put down on paper. That’s all I can manage right now and it’s enough. As my daily practice grows, this novel will be written and it will be finished, come hell or high water.
Oh, the other thing that occurred to me as I was staring at the ceiling is that Stephen King wrote a couple of books after his terrible accident while he was recovering. And he was much worse off than a swollen knee. So what the hairy heck was stopping me from finishing this story? What am I so worried about? If it’s not perfect, then I can revise and edit. If it’s not a great story then the next one will be better. I need to accomplish this very simple goal for my own sanity. Yes, it is that easy. It’s worked for me in the past and I just have to trust the process. I have also seen other writers who write every day make quite a bit of headway on their projects. So there it is…I’m taking up the gauntlet (braced knee and all). Let’s see what kind of damage can be done.
Peace,
L~
All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
No whinging allowed
I promised several months ago that I wouldn't spend all my time whinging on this blog. Which means my entries have been cut back to about one entry a week lately. Sorry about that...I just know that if I have a forum to gripe, I'll take it. Today, I spent some time writing so I'm feeling a bit more pulled together and can write about the creative process without too much danger of whinging.
I’ve gotten lots of really good feedback from my writing group, from my creative partner and even a family member on this novel. I can’t explain why I’m stuck with the story. I just am. I feel a bit lost. I think I’ve been away from my project too long and now I’m trying to find my way back in again. I’ve written out a first draft of it…but now I need to flesh it out. There seems to be a lot of missing material.
I pulled out spotty Chapter 3 and tried to plug in the holes. I’m not sure I did much good with it. I’m not trying to be modest here…I don’t quite “feel it” yet. I’ll plug away at it (a little bit every day) and see if I can reconnect with the story again. *Keeping my fingers crossed hoping it happens*
I re-read the feedback that I received from an old friend, Ric. His feedback really hit some of the problem spots for me. He’s a sci-fi reader so his questions (and he asked a lot of them) opened my eyes to the gaping holes in terms of logic, sequence and point of view. Eeek *running a hand through my hair*. Do I address those holes first? Or do I keep going with the story…keeping the questions in mind? I’m over-thinking it, I know. That seems to be the repeating pattern here.
I was working on a short story as a way of taking some of the pressure off. I told Christine I was going to have a finished version of it by the end of the summer. Hmph! I would really like to finish a project soon because I’m going a bit bat-shit-crazy with unfinished projects.
Do I dare say it? I may have to resort to getting up at 5 in the morning to get my writing practice back on track. It might be the only way. Even the mention of it makes me want to sleep. I am not much of a morning person. But if I can spend two hours each morning before work, I can finish this novel by my end-of-year deadline.
Peace,
L~
All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.
I’ve gotten lots of really good feedback from my writing group, from my creative partner and even a family member on this novel. I can’t explain why I’m stuck with the story. I just am. I feel a bit lost. I think I’ve been away from my project too long and now I’m trying to find my way back in again. I’ve written out a first draft of it…but now I need to flesh it out. There seems to be a lot of missing material.
I pulled out spotty Chapter 3 and tried to plug in the holes. I’m not sure I did much good with it. I’m not trying to be modest here…I don’t quite “feel it” yet. I’ll plug away at it (a little bit every day) and see if I can reconnect with the story again. *Keeping my fingers crossed hoping it happens*
I re-read the feedback that I received from an old friend, Ric. His feedback really hit some of the problem spots for me. He’s a sci-fi reader so his questions (and he asked a lot of them) opened my eyes to the gaping holes in terms of logic, sequence and point of view. Eeek *running a hand through my hair*. Do I address those holes first? Or do I keep going with the story…keeping the questions in mind? I’m over-thinking it, I know. That seems to be the repeating pattern here.
I was working on a short story as a way of taking some of the pressure off. I told Christine I was going to have a finished version of it by the end of the summer. Hmph! I would really like to finish a project soon because I’m going a bit bat-shit-crazy with unfinished projects.
Do I dare say it? I may have to resort to getting up at 5 in the morning to get my writing practice back on track. It might be the only way. Even the mention of it makes me want to sleep. I am not much of a morning person. But if I can spend two hours each morning before work, I can finish this novel by my end-of-year deadline.
Peace,
L~
All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Tick, tick, tick...
Hmmm what am I in the mood to share? Let’s see I have been avoiding working on my novel most of this week. Don’t ask me why. I clearly don’t have an answer to that question. I’ve been doing mostly journal writing which amounts to about 4 pages a day. I seem to be in a negative head space these days and journal writing gives me a space to kvetch. Sometimes getting it out of my system helps to free me up. I’m not sure yet if it’s working but I’ll let you know how I’m progressing on Monday. I can’t believe we are moving into a new month on Monday…I keep hearing that tick, tick, tick of time running out.
I’ve had too much caffeine today and I can feel the buzz, buzz, buzzing of nervous energy coursing through my body.
Let’s see, I’ve also been job hunting for a full time gig, which is always interesting in this economy. I’ve been temping for the past 11 months in the same company and I’d like to do something a little more substantial. I just haven’t figured out what industry yet. My dream job would be to write for television. I have neither the connections nor the portfolio to go into a studio and compete for a post. Then I think, perhaps I can script and video my own project and put it up on public access. It always comes down to funding, funding, and more funding.
*banging head against desk*
I am at a stand still right now. Even now…I’m staring at this screen hoping an answer will come through or pop up. I know I should just work on the novel. Just keep plugging away at it. That should be my priority. But my energies are scattered. My brain is going a thousand miles a minute on job hunting, networking, creating a portfolio, tailoring resumes to key industries. Not to mention the load of laundry waiting for me when I get home tonight.
I think I’m tired. Tired of scraping the bottom of the barrel. Tired of low-level positions. Tired of this sucky recession. I know I’m not the only one and I also know that there are people worse off earning lower wages. I get that. I’m just stuck in this weird anxiety over “just-barely-scraping-by.” Four years ago I was at the top of my game working as a technical writer in the IT industry making an actual living from my strongest skill, writing. I won't even go into what today looks like because I'm afraid I will burst into flames from the frustration. Anyway, it is what it is. Onward.
L~
All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.
I’ve had too much caffeine today and I can feel the buzz, buzz, buzzing of nervous energy coursing through my body.
Let’s see, I’ve also been job hunting for a full time gig, which is always interesting in this economy. I’ve been temping for the past 11 months in the same company and I’d like to do something a little more substantial. I just haven’t figured out what industry yet. My dream job would be to write for television. I have neither the connections nor the portfolio to go into a studio and compete for a post. Then I think, perhaps I can script and video my own project and put it up on public access. It always comes down to funding, funding, and more funding.
*banging head against desk*
I am at a stand still right now. Even now…I’m staring at this screen hoping an answer will come through or pop up. I know I should just work on the novel. Just keep plugging away at it. That should be my priority. But my energies are scattered. My brain is going a thousand miles a minute on job hunting, networking, creating a portfolio, tailoring resumes to key industries. Not to mention the load of laundry waiting for me when I get home tonight.
I think I’m tired. Tired of scraping the bottom of the barrel. Tired of low-level positions. Tired of this sucky recession. I know I’m not the only one and I also know that there are people worse off earning lower wages. I get that. I’m just stuck in this weird anxiety over “just-barely-scraping-by.” Four years ago I was at the top of my game working as a technical writer in the IT industry making an actual living from my strongest skill, writing. I won't even go into what today looks like because I'm afraid I will burst into flames from the frustration. Anyway, it is what it is. Onward.
L~
All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2011 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.
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