Ode to a Feckless Life

A cardinal chitters warning cries
entangled in the rose vines.
She is out of work as she lies
against the wasp’s wings.

Where do you seek your inspiration
with an empty sky and a prickly sun?

A black cat stalks a cricket’s cry.
Prayers slip through the wooden
cracks. Write in short phrases while
walking barefoot in the backyard.

A beetle’s wings buzz and contracts
his iridescent body glints. She reads
a book of poetry on a metal staircase.
A smell of burning wood skims the air.

There was a spark on Venus, a flicker
of firelight, when you stretched across
the ocean. I miss you only
when you are unfettered memories.

I read the clouds and the pouring rain.
You, in the middle of your exile, speak
fluid language. The leaves singe when
white butterflies flutter a lonely ballad.

A cold sour lemon for a wet tongue
and an empty page. This is how we
survive a flock of seagulls fighting over
slippery bits of fish.

There are thick I want phrases that touch
minds and skip off lips. A laundry of damp
towels wave off a melancholy mood.
At what age do we stop asking for penance?


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

Pitching Matchsticks

The meaning did not stick to the roof of my mouth.
There are leftovers of corn tortillas and slimy
nopalitos. The scent of hot wires and jalapenos
made our eyes water. You've burned our lives down
and have empty shoes to prove it.


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

07.06.09

I sat in Bryant Park writing in my journal
watching well-dressed people pass by
and wanting desperately to be someone else today.

I walk from Bryant Park to the Chelsea apartment
listening to angry rock songs pressed into my ears
the sun is prickly hot against my skin
and sadness suffocates me today.

I walk past well dressed high-end windows on Fifth Ave
and no retail therapy will fill this lingering void
OM SHANTI SHANTI SHANTI...


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

It’s strange now to think of you…

when the night vibrates with intangible
rhythms and I read Bolanos, Savage Detectives
to dumb down the cruelty that rattles in my bones

how we weep for each other—
only to hold the withered versions of clanging dreams
die in the sunlight
streaming through half open windows
as warm air hits a hot naked torso

and phantasms flower and burn
in raging bloodless captivity--
And today the bed is unmade and
words slip into a melancholy mood
behind closed doors and a lonely quiet apartment

there is a sound of a brown paper bag scraping against the asphalt
pushed by a warm wind that hovers for a moment
and the mewling of a restless cat pouncing on her partner
time contracts and expands like a living creature
and there are books stacked on the bedside
and mosquito-bitten flesh to douse in anti-itch spray

five hour spells of sleep and wakefulness
drinking cups of warm water that does not soothe a cold thirst
and Michael Jackson is dead--
a cut-open corpse being autopsied
and keys jangle in shallow pockets
as I walk in the dawn air looking for a deli and a bagel,


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

07.03.09

I fit into a thimble today.
Folded in upon itself, contracted and restrained.
Pulling inward in sharp gaping breaths.
Otis lies on the desk stretching himself long, his claws tug at my forearm.
A black cat with white paws who eats so fast it makes him puke
The sky is taking on the appearance of another storm.
I am listening to the song That's the Way Love Goes by Janet Jackson.
A list of toiletries to buy is sitting next to the computer.
I've resorted to reporting the lethargic machinations of the present moment.
PJ Harvey is wailing on her song, The Dancer
her screams make a wide open plain.

****


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

07.02.09

Today S broke things off. It was the first thing I read this morning and that is how my day started.

I began to move, I got up and fed Pandora, took a shower, dried my damp hair and packed a bag to stay at K's place. I kept moving, I dropped a note to T telling him it was done and kept pressing on. He wrote back and told me to keep writing. I wrote a quick note to mami with instructions for P and grabbed my bag and an umbrella and walked to the train station. I arrived just as the train was pulling in and headed into Chelsea. I arrived at K's apt and greeted only T-Bone since Otis was hiding. Her white head rubbed against my black t-shirt and left white bits of kitty hair on it. K left me a birthday present, Lonely Planet's London and I burst into tears.

I wrote a quick note to S and left to go meet Vick for lunch. We ate meek Mexican food and both cried into our salty margaritas. We won't got back to that place. We walked straight through Washington Square Park and parted ways, she went back to work and I went for a walk. I walked to the Strands bookstore looking for an out of print title...but the place was crowded as usual and I couldn't take the meandering tourists today. I walked over to Forbidden Planet...usually the best geek sanctuary but the chick with the attitude at the info booth rubbed me the wrong way so I left. Someone please teach her how to spell. I stopped at a card store looking for a moleskin book but they didn't have any in stock. I wanted to buy an iced coffee but I was afraid my bitter tongue would make me wretch.

Sometimes you just have to be in the right mood...and I wasn't. I kept walking...and kept an eye on the heavy green clouds overhead. I passed a guy eating frozen yogurt with bright red strawberries. I passed a woman who looked like a model, we had the same bangs...she looked better in them. I walked out in front of a car by accident and had a DeNiro moment, I'm walking here. And faster and faster I walked, not wanting to stop, not wanting the crying spell to start. I made it back just as the thunder rolled in and the clouds poured down and I sat in a chair and let all this flood out.

*******

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

This...

This is what I show you: I am self-sufficient and I don’t need your help, (but I do), your words do not hurt (but they do), that I can maintain this perpetual state of stasis with you (but I can’t), I’ve moved on (but I haven’t), I will always love you (but I won’t be able to keep it up for much longer), you are enough (but it’s only an illusion),
you fill me up (but you leave me worn thin), you make me feel better (but you drain me), I can’t live without you (but I can’t keep lying to myself), I am strong (but I give over and it renders me powerless), You think you know me….


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2009 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.