eight years

I've been writing on my itty bitty blog, on and off, for the past eight years. I'm sitting here in my living room with my laptop on my lap as I let the thoughts rise.  I'm writing blindly.  Not really sure what I want to share or where we're going today.

I've been busy working. The day job consumes a lot of my brain and time.  It's becoming a career and the creative life has been suffering quite a bit for it. Trying to find a bit of balance but trying and doing are sometimes miles apart.

Meanwhile, my laptop is dying a slow death.  I'm thinking once it dies, I may just unplug for a while. Maybe buy myself a decent typewriter and go old-school. I'm shrugging. I haven't quite figured it out yet.

I'm also moving in a couple of months, yet again.  I am not looking forward to the prospect of looking for a new place.  I am really tired of moving.  The one beautiful thing about my current space is the light that comes through in the afternoon.  I'll miss that...but depending on where I move next...I can always chase afternoon light by taking long walks.

I miss my creative life.  I need more time for it.  I was writing during breaks and back and forth from work but it's just not enough.  I sometimes have fantasies of running away from my life, go off and write somewhere. I just haven't figured it out yet.  I still haven't even transcribed my writing from last year...I have all this material from my Sorrento trip that I still haven't pulled apart and revised.  Eesh.

Ooo the thought popped into my brain to go up to Burlington, Vermont for a writing retreat.  I really just want to go off by myself for a long weekend and write.  * sigh *  I may have to wait until after my move in July.  Really, I should just write where I am.  I don't need to go off to do this work.

I need to call the shots.  I'm being too passive in this thing called my life.  I have work to do and I'm spending too much time waiting for something to cue me into action.

Okay, I've gone on long enough.  It's time for me to go to bed.  I've been sick with a crazy head cold this weekend and I'm ready to pass out.

Peace,
L~


All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2016 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

barely here

i've been away for a good long while, not really writing out loud on this blog but missing it all the same. part of it is the disconnected feeling after a long winter and the spring not warming my bones enough. part of it is feeling disconnected from my creative life, like a starved bear coming out from hibernation. the desperation gnaws the back of my throat, claw marks. no wonder i am so short-tempered. i'm holding back, holding it in and i can barely breathe. all i can manage are these short missives into the void.

All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2016 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.

zygote

I've been wandering with my hand in my hair tucking a strand behind my ear looking around listening to all the city sounds and wondering where the hell am I in this world, in this life...who is casting a shadow on the pavement, trembling at the hard strike of noise behind me...who is remembering the songs from earlier years when love was EVERYthing...who is casting the role of lover on a tin paper foil, forgotten in a old pair of jeans too tattered to wear anymore...I keep saying out loud it's too late, it's too late, it's too late...while an ember still burns in a belly full of dreams...the song is still there in soft whispered tones that bubble up in short stuccato phrases, disparate sounds...yet there i am lying awake grasping in the dark and all i hear is an aching silence.



All artwork, photos, and text © Copyright 2008-2016 Liliana Almendarez unless indicated otherwise. All Rights Reserved. Any downloading, copying or use of images on this website is strictly prohibited without express written consent by Liliana Almendarez.